Trying to plan a wedding...

[hssweetheartsailor]

Hi everyone,

I am brand new to this site and am seeking some advice. My fiancé and I have been together for 6 1/2 years and he just recently joined the Navy this year. He has been through boot camp and A school and is now on his first deployment. We want to get married next year after his deployment but I've been reading up on other sites and many ladies have been saying that it’s pretty much impossible to "plan" a wedding. We both have big families who want to see us have a nice ceremony but I am getting discouraged because it seems that our only option is to have a civil, "on the fly" ceremony meaning that we will just go through the motions and sign papers when he is on leave. We both know that just signing papers is not how we want to get married and we don't want to wait until he is out of the Navy since that would be years from now. So I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how to plan a wedding. Has anyone successfully planned a wedding around deployments and had a full ceremony and reception? I am worried that I will set a date and then somehow he won’t be able to make it. Any advice will be great as I am beginning to feel helpless!

Thank you 

[Anti M]

The first thing to do is get the ship's ombudsman on your side, so you will have some idea of the scheduling. He can sign you up with her. Have him talk to his chain of command about leave policies and possibilities. Do not put a deposit down unless they offer a clause for military cancellations. There is a future brides group here talking about long distance wedding planning. It is possible, you just have to be patient and flexible.

[hssweetheartsailor]

Wonderful thanks so much for giving me the first steps! This helps a lot since we both are brand new to the Navy experience and barely have any clue on how things work. I found the group on future brides and joined it as well, thank you!

[Fur&FeathersDVM]

My husband and I managed to plan a wedding around not only his ship schedule, but around my school schedule too. It's tough, and things could always change at the last minute, but it can be done. We had a big 200+ guest Catholic wedding and then a full formal reception after, along with a week long honeymoon after that. Marriage is a big thing and just because your fiance is in the navy does not mean that you have to settle for a JOP wedding if it's not what you don't want- it just means that you have to be willing to work a little harder, to have a backup plan and then a plan c on top of that, and to know that things could fall through.

My first bit of advice is to make sure your fiance talks with his chain of command. They might be able to give him some guidance on when might be a good time to try for it, although there are never any guarantees. Second- make SURE that every single vendor you book for your wedding gives you deployment insurance or has, in writing, laid out what will happen if your fiance's leave is canceled or he cannot make it due to his military duties. Many places offer this, you just have to ask. Third- I would say well over half the navy married couples that I know that have pulled off the big wedding/reception (us included) have planned it for Christmas leave in a year that the ship was not due to deploy, but also not too close to the end of a deployment because homecoming can always be pushed back. So for example, we did ours this past December- the ship had finished their last deployment a year prior to that but was also not done with deployment trainings and certifications yet and had another deployment scheduled for May of this year (the one they are on now). So we gave ourselves a wide range for date changes. Most ships try to come home for Christmas if they are not deployed, and most commands are able to give their sailors some Christmas leave, so you're giving yourself a good chance at not having it messed up by an underway or them not being able to grant a leave request.

In the end, we waited over a year and a half to get married, but I have never regretted it for a moment. To us, getting married in a church, sharing it with our families, and having our "dream wedding" was very important to us, especially since we are both religious. We could have done without the reception if need be, but at the very least, we needed a church wedding. There is no way to 100% guarantee that your fiance will be able to make it, that is where the deployment insurance comes in, but if you work with his command they will be able to give you some guidance. I wish you the best of luck! I know it's frustrating, but you can do it! :)

[hssweetheartsailor]

Thank you for the reply, your experience really gives me hope! I'm glad you said I don't have to settle for a JOP wedding because that is certainly not what I want to do, even though friends and family have been telling me I really don't have a choice. It is nice to hear from someone that it is possible to have my dream wedding and I appreciate you sharing this with me!

[Anti M]

I also replied in your thread. Without knowing his new schedule, you can't just pick a date. Where is he going after his two weeks?

[Anti M]

Bremerton has a LOT of commands. You know, if it is a ship or other vessel, you are allowed to say he's attached to it, just not what they're doing. Anyway, until he checks into his command, he won't know what they are doing, nor what his workload will be. Join the group here for his ship/sub/shore duty, and get an idea of what is going on just now (which is what you're not supposed to post). Go from there.

I know, it is frustrating, but you just won't know if your date is viable until he gets there and talks to them.

[sailors_girl24 (ship09/div 197)]

Any advice on planning a Summer wedding. We plan on getting married in a few years so plenty of time to plan.

[Ladybug<3]

I would say don't give up! I’m in the process of planning our wedding also, so far it is going good just doing it on my own mostly and ask for his opinion on stuff over the phone. My sailor however is just stationed across the US, not on a deployment so thats different. But we also wanted our whole family to be there with us to celebrate. Since you both know you want to get married, I would suggest getting married through the court first and then planning a big ceremony later. The reason is so you will start getting benefits now and he will get paid more during the year you plan the ceremony which could help with wedding stuff. Might as well get more money since you know you are both ready and for having to go through the sacrifice of deployment! Then you can focus on the wedding.

It's not impossible! You just have to explain to your vendors that your date might change and make sure they are ok with that. Mine were supportive of him serving and are willing to work with us, like last min date changes or making smaller deposits just in case. And we are waiting to send out invites until as close as possible to the date. Also like navyprincess said, we are planning ours around a holiday so there is a better chance he will be home!! I would highly recommend trying to do that also, it will help a lot. In the end Yes there is risk involved, but I see it as: while there is a chance that dates could change, there is also a change they may not. :)