before it becomes a problem

[Ninnja'sGirl]

My boyfriend and I have only been dating a few months this time a round but we are talking about marriage in a year. We have talked about kids and just plain growing old together. His base is only five hours from me so we are fairly use to seeing eachother at least once a month. But every time we have to part we are both obviously bummed but its kinda like we pull away from eachother a little. We don't have much to talk about it seems lately. Now I know I am over reacting because every couple has spouts where they don't feel as connected but this is my first long distance relationship and I truely believe we were ment to grow old together. We use to video chat we don't do that really any more I just don't know what to do to keep us from being distant. I always promised my self I would never give up working on my relationship and growing with it so before he is deployed on his sub in the fall I want to work on keeping us talking and closer.. less silences when we don't know what to say and ways to spice up the distance. I love him more than any thing so I am being proactive... any ideas?

[abuon18]

What do you do in your free time?

[Ninnja'sGirl]

Like together or just me? I don't have a lot of free time I work fulltime and go to school fulltime.

[abuon18]

You on your own. I was thinking that maybe if you had some free time you could do something you enjoy, sometimes having an outside interest or hobby gives you something to talk about.

[Ninnja'sGirl]

I play softball on thursdays and him and I have a dog and I been trying to run 5ks when I can but I have been to busy

[abuon18]

I understand I have been where you are! I would suggest not worrying about it too much because when you worry about it it's constantly on your mind and just consumes you... so instead of being able to think of things to talk to him about all you can think about is that you have nothing to say. I would say you two are fine, I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years, we were also about 5 hours apart and some nights we would talk for hours other nights we would basically just call to say good night and we had nothing to say beyond that.

[Ninnja'sGirl]

I am trying I just don't want is to grow apart when he is on the sub cuz we will get only a few emails but the summer he gets back hopfully we will be geting married. I just no wanna lose him

[abuon18]

I understand... but if you love each other you won't grow apart. Even though you may not necessarily have things to talk about all the time, that's natural, you're both busy so maybe you're both just tired and can't think of things to say. Trust me, if you love each other he cherishes your phone calls even when you're not saying anything! Part of being in a relationship is being comfortable with each other, not necessarily always talking or having to say something. It's completely natural and does not at all mean your relationship is going to fail or you're going to lose him. Those few e-mails that you'll be able to send and receive I'm sure will be full of conversation :)

[skell456 (AO wife)]

I can say that my husband and I are starting this right now.  It is hard because I don't want to talk about the Navy 24/7, but then again what else do we have to talk about.  We have a 3 year old son who keeps me pretty busy.  The thing is we spend a lot of time together, well more than most couples in this position.  I decided to just relax and let him do things with his friends I stopped going to see him everyday and now we only see each other on the weekends, and talk everyday.  We video chat once in a while.  At times I feel like we are getting distant, but ya know I found that they do not think like us.  So when I am feeling like he hasn't paid enough attention to me he always laughs at me. LOL  He tells me not to worry he loves me, he is just busy with school.  I understand, it is hard for me, but I have to understand.  Men just do not think about attention the same way we do.  So my point is relax, sit back, and enjoy the times you do have.  He is probably really busy, but that doesn't mean he doesn't think about you, miss you, or love you!!!  Always make sure you talk to him about how are you feeling as well.  Send lots of pictures either by phone or mail.  Let him remember what he misses about you.  Good Luck!!!!

[Sailor's gf (Ship 10 Div 261)]

skell456, that's so wise! love it!

[Ninnja'sGirl]

Thanks for the advice Ik most guys do think about attention the way girls do but my guy noticed it to we talked about it and we both wanna make sure things stay on the right track... I am not just talking about not having stuff to talk about but also keeping the spark alive I don't believe that doing little or focussing just on what I can do for me actually helps a relationship its a balance of both ur self and the couple as a whole 50% of marriages fail and its normaly because the lil things were ignored or not worked on that became big proablems.

[Ninnja'sGirl]

Its not that we dnt talking cuz he is busy we make time to talk every day Ik he is busy its him and I are very much alike and so it doesn't hurt to leave eachother as much we pull back we send pictures on occation video chat is rare now but he calls me ever night before bed . I geuss its hard to explain we have a different relationship then most

[maryquitecontrary (1131 M)]

You just have to know what is normal for the two of you. Why don't you suggest a weekly video chat date? You can do all sorts of things...play online games together, watch the same tv show, eat dinner, etc. But maybe if you have your weekly "date" to look forward to, it will help.