Best time to get married

[ald2316 (Ship 3 Div. 336)]

Right now my Fiance is in bootcamp. After bootcamp he will be going to A- school in florida for 19 weeks.then he has to go to C-school. When would be the best time for us to get married?

[Gecko]

I have a question related to this... My boyfriend wrote me from boot camp saying he no longer wants to wait to get married. I just started college so I don't know if getting married would be the right thing to do! It would definitely give me more information for when he does get shipped out or put on shore duty.... basically I am asking if you guys think it would mess anything up if I decided to continue with college while being a newlywed and I know it would keep him from going overseas which would be really nice! Sorry for the high jack of conversation...

[meagan5220]

i would pretty much say the same thing I told the original poster, If you guys knows its right and you are going to do it anyways then do it sooner rather than later. You can continue to do your college many wives do in fact! Dont stop your own life basically for what he wants. you can get married, live elsewhere and it will be helpful for you. but if you arent ready then dont. also just fyi it does not keep them from going overseas they just TRY not to send a married sailor overseas bc they cant get family over with them  usually straight out of school due to rank but it does and has happened that they get sent over there no matter what the situation. I have told many girls before something I was told by a Navy Wife if the Navy wanted them to have wives they would issue them one in bootcamp. They do not do what they do based on the relationship status only for the needs of the Navy which often will make no sense to you whatsoever. but if you dont feel its right then I would say no. Just bc marriage is a big step you need to be ready hope that helped a little

[Anti M]

meagan has it right!  Any married woman can go to college.  You can go to college anywhere. You would be a "non-traditional" student, which can be a good thing on some campuses.

 

No, being married doesn't prevent overseas orders, just reduces the likelihood for junior sailors. His chances of pulling shore duty right away are slim, all sailors begin their sea/shore rotation with sea duty.  The few who pull shore duty are needed badly and there is no one else to fill the billet, or it looks like shore duty to you but is classified as sea duty.  (Job is normally at one base but they can deploy in 24 hours anytime sort of billet).

 

If you aren't ready, just ask for an engagement while you two work out the details of how you want to proceed.  He is very homesick just now, be the level-headed one who knows he is under a lot of pressure.  Boot camp is a terrible time to make major life decisions.  Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or that marriage is a bad idea, just know he's in a rush to grab something "normal".  If you need time, or if you think he does, then keep a brake on things.  

 

Good luck.

[meagan5220]

thats one thiing i told My husband when we were talking abt marriage... I said you realize I will stay here and finish my school, I will go to grad school, and I WILL have a career. I have worked my butt off to get where I am in life. I wont stop bc he wants to get married and settle down. He is really good abt it. One time I even through a fit because I couldnt get something to work out with the grad school I was lookin at and said i was not gonna do school anymore blah blah throwing stuff lol you know being a dram queen and he just grabbed me told me to shut up bc we both know I would hate myself if I didnt go to school and he wasnt going to not let me. lol. :) but anywho I would say keep going with school. Most schools across the country have the same programs (some are different) but overall the same some are better than others. I would say do not leave a school with a specific program you want if its not elsewhere and do not leave one that is like the superstar of that program but some schools you can do online classes or distance learning and most of the time you can transfer credits if you decide to move. No need to stress abt that until he gets orders tho.

[Gecko]

Ok that makes a lot of sense I'll just talk to him after everythings calmed down a bit and see if were really ready :) thank you guys

[meagan5220]

You are welcome! <3

[ald2316 (Ship 3 Div. 336)]

We do plan on getting married while he is in a school...it's just the matter of when and where???..Because im sure he wont get to come home...so i guessing will have to do it one weekend when i go visit him??

[My sailor's ladybug (356)]

I also have a question about this topic.......If my boyfriend goes to A school in CT or GL. His PIR is 10-28. We were planing on getting married 11-11. I just would like to know about if we could still do it as planned or would we have to move the date back again. If he stays in GL for A school could we get married after PIR like before A school starts? If he goes to CT could we still do it when we planned will he be able to get liberty that soon after starting A school? His contract says he is going to CT for 17 weeks...but when he wrote his mother he told her that he was staying in GL.

[Anti M]

They aren't supposed to marry PIR weekend, and with the new liberty rules in place, it is nearly impossible.  Their liberty comes in phases, with phase one lasting two to four weeks, more if they mess up.  Great Lakes is the strictest base on marriage requirements, he must submit a special request chit informing he is marrying, must do any counseling or classes (finance, etc) which the command tells him to do.  Don't skip the paperwork at Great Lakes, they can jerk his liberty privileges for not following procedure.  Doesn't mean they will,or that they have in the past, but they can.

 

What is his A school? The A schools rarely change location, it is a big deal when they do and everyone knows.  And yes, he could go to A school and still have to do some training at Great Lakes first.  Like ATT before the tech schools.

 

When you say "Will he be able to get liberty that soon after starting A school" ... what do you have in mind?  Because liberty is merely regular time off, such as evenings or weekends, holidays.  He cannot go beyond 300 miles on liberty.  If you're thinking he can come home to marry, then tha is leave and no one gets to take leave during A school.  Only exception is over the Christmas stand down when they get about two weeks. (hint: holiday weddings are lovely).

 

Picking a date when you don't know his schedule means you are sure to be disappointed.  You will get married when it is convenient for the Navy.  If you're lucky, that lines up with your plans.  

[Ashley527]

sorry to just jump into this conversation, but its giving me a lot of useful information. my guy is currently at bc and graduates sometime in November (we dont know the actual date yet). his a school is in TX but im not sure how long he is there for or any other details past that. so far im getting the idea that if youre not married before bc, the best time is during a school. if you are married before he gets his order and youre on them, and even if you do get to move with him, does it really make a difference in how much you see him? do you see him that much more to make it worth sacrificing the ideal wedding you want?

[Anti M]

Very simply, single sailors do get orders to overseas bases more often than junior married sailors.  Cheaper for the Navy.  These orders are often for three years... and the dependent cannot go.  Not just a matter of not being moved, but also visas, affordability, base privileges, medical and so on.  To make matters worse, once he's on a ship, he won't get to take leave for a good long while if they deploy.  While overseas, they get offered leave windows depending on the ship's schedule.  Frequently, the time they get to choose from is two weeks or so, making a trip to the US expensive and using up half their time off to travel.  Not ideal.

 

What counts more, the white dress or the chance of three years long distance?  You certainly can risk it, but you must discuss this as a very real possibility with him. If he says he won't ask for overseas ... well. It is called a dream sheet for a reason.  Stateside, you can move yourself to where he is on your own dime.  Just takes time for the paperwork to kick in to get your housing allowance.

 

The good news for you is he will be home over Christmas.  The A schools take a two week stand down and encourage all students to go home even if they borrow leave days forward.  

 

HM school? He'll be down there a long time if that's what it is.

[johnnasuzanne]

Anti M-you've been so helpful with other things I thought I would share...My SR and I have had things planned for awhile.  We were going to get married during A school in Pensacola while he was training for Aircrew.  He's currently at bootcamp right now and I just got a letter where he told me that after new medical stuff he was DQed from Aircrew because he was on ridalin sp? for a month as a child for ADHD.  We had told his recruiter this, marked it on all the forms and they still allowed him to sign on for Aircrew at MEPs! Why wouldn't they have mentioned this earlier?  Now all my plans, admittedly vague and dependent on the Navy to begin with, are shot to hell-pardon me.  He said he would choose a new job this Thursday (yesterday) but I won't know anything until another letter comes in.  I have no idea where his A school will be now, no clue how long or even the possible jobs :/ I am aware that this is how Navy life works but I feel like his Recruiter or MEPs could have taken care of this before hand.