New to being a Navy Girlfriend

[frogmansgirl]

Hi everyone! I'm fairly new to being a Navy girlfriend. We met two weeks before he left to go to Afghanistan. We talked about not "officially dating" until he came home, but take this time to get to know each other. Before he left he asked me to wait, and didn't want me to see anyone else. He's been gone since the summertime and we are still going strong learning more about each other everyday. Lots of emails and phone calls as much as possible. He's probably the most amazing man I have ever met, and even with thousands of miles between us still finds ways to make me feel special. He was only supposed to be gone for a short period of time but got extended. We are working through the distance and seperation. I'm learning how to deal when he has a bad day, and can't talk about it but still needs me to be there for him. Any advice anyone has to share, please feel free! 

[claireb]

Hey! I'm in a similar situation. I met my boyfriend (he's a Corpsman) almost a year ago, but we didn't start dating until a month before he was deployed for 7 months. He gave me the option to not make it official until he came home, but I wanted to wait for him. We're head over heels crazy in love with each other. We only have 2 months left to go and it's been very difficult so far mainly because of the distance and just fear of anything happening to him. As a couple we've been really strong and it hasn't had any negative affect or made us change our minds about each other. We learn how to deal with the bad days and taking it all a day at a time. For the first 5 months he was sent to a base that wasn't developed much so he was only able to send an email or make a phone call a week that would last 5 minutes if that. He's been at a different base for the past week and he has wifi in his room so we've been lucky and taking full advantage of that. Some advice: Everyone gets curious about what they are doing over there but when they get in contact with you it's probably the last thing they want to talk about. Talking to someone from back home is their escape away from reality, so try to update them about your life as much as possible. Talk about yourself, things that you want to do with them when they get home etc. Ask them if they need anything or how you can help them. Care packages help a lot..sending pillow cases with your perfume on it, letters, and pictures of you that they can keep on them. Even if it takes all of your energy, try to be as positive as you can during phone calls and emails. Just do your best to support them and help them get through the deployment.

For yourself: I would recommend not having a day count down because it honestly just makes the time go by slower. Make little vacations or breaks every month to get away. Go see some friends or take work off for a few days to get distracted and have something else to look forward to. Stay positive..it gets tough to drag yourself out of bed some days. Going to the gym has helped me a lot, it's a great outlet for frustration and depression.

I hope this helps a bit! Stay strong for him, lady.

[frogmansgirl]

Thank you so much for the response, it's always a comforting feeling knowing someone else can relate. Our communication is very similar to you and your boyfriend. We probably talk about once a week and most of the time it's always when I'm at work so I can't talk for very long. He asked me to send him e-mails everyday to keep him updated, but usually I'll get one or two responses a week. You are so right about counting the days too! I've been trying to plan trips here and there until he comes home, work keeps me very busy, and I do crossfit and dance almost everyday. You care package ideas are great! I never thought about the pillow case with perfume...any other fun things to send please share. How do you handle if he has a bad day or is in a funk on the phone? (if that has ever happened) I do need to ask him more if he needs anything or how I can help him...we get so caught up in conversations sometimes I just don't even think to stop and say that specifically. I just hate getting off the phone and it not be a "great" conversation and he's about to go on a mission, and I have the same fear as you of something happening to him. It just seems like when he does have a bad day, he starts to pick on the phone...which is always over the silliest things and then he's apologizing the next phone call. This has only happened twice but I don't want it to happen at all. Any suggestions, I'm all ears!    

[claireb]

Awesome! I'm glad that you're keeping busy. Besides the pillow cases I sent food that he likes, I baked 30 cakes, pies, and brownies in mason jars and sent them out to him for his birthday, I sent a small notebook and wrote in the first few pages..then he can write in the rest for me to read when he comes home. He has his bad days of course, I think they all do. He tries his best to not take it out on me and family/friends back home but sometimes it gets the best of him. I am sympathetic towards the fact that he's going through hell out there and I try just to ignore the fact that he's in a bad mood most of the time. At first when I could tell he wasn't doing well I'd ask him about it and dwell on the fact that he was pissed off, which would turn into an argument and end badly. I learned better and whenever I talk to him and he's in a rut I'll ask if he's okay, then move on and pretend to be happy and act normal, make normal conversation and usually it will put him at ease a bit. If I don't have the patience to deal with it I'll dish it back without thinking. It's tough to deal with, especially since you're waiting for him to come home and making the effort to give great support and you're getting yelled at. He's always apologized a lot whenever it happens and it's only happened a handful of times since he's been out there. Just remember that it's nothing that you're doing. It's not intentional and they are going through some tough times out there and they usually bottle up their emotions and blow up eventually. There really isn't any way to keep him from getting in a rut, just try your best to stay calm when he does.

[frogmansgirl]

That is some great advice! He picks a lot when he's in a bad mood. He has this issue with my puppy, which I think is really silly because we don't live together or have any plans of doing so anytime soon. So I don't see why it matters...but he's mad he didn't get to enjoy her during her puppy baby months and now thinks he can't get a dog because I have one. Completely crazy...during the conversation I wanted to stop and ask are we really talking about this?! It went on for 45 mins and then we eventually got off the phone and the conversation just didn't sit well with me because my dog isn't going anywhere. My friend said it has nothing to do with her, he's just going through a rough patch and she's the target, but this isn't the first time he's complained about her. After the phone call I sent him a pretty to the point email saying if me having a dog is a deal breaker please say so now. It's frustrating because I would never say something like that to him...for example he was in the Navy when I met him so I knew this was his lifestyle, and same goes for my dog she was in the picture already when I met him. The whole thing is so silly, atleast I think so, but I'm not going to keep bickering about it. And I hate having phone calls like that before he's about to go out on a mission and I don't know when I'll be able to talk to him again. Any thoughts on how to rebound from this next phone call and come to some sort or solution so it doesn't come up for a third time?  

[claireb]

Hm, the whole puppy issue seems really silly. It sounds like your friend was right, it definitely seems like he's just finding something to be angry about and for some reason the puppy is the target. If this is a conversation/argument that happens often or enough for it to get very frustrating I would probably suggest asking him what you can do for him. Next time he brings it up ask him if there's anything you can do about it that would make him feel less angry about it. If I'm in that situation and he's getting really angry over silly things one conversation after another, I eventually have to tell him how he's acting is hurting me and I'm not sure how to help him. Just be as honest as you can but expect him to blow things out of proportions sometimes. Maybe next phone call tell him that you don't want to spend the entire phone call talking about your puppy but you would like to resolve the issue with him. I'd also tell him how much you hate it when things don't end well with you two and that your conversations mean a lot to you and you don't want to upset him but you're not sure how to handle things sometimes. Being patient takes a lot of hard work haha. Ugh.