Saying Goodbye before they ship out

[mikey's mom]

My son left from Denver on Wednesday. We are not from there (3.5 hour drive) and he was to get on a bus and go back to MEPs the next morning, so I only stayed and had dinner with him and his hotel roommate (who we invited because he didnt have anyone there) and I planned to leave before "lights out".  They both were so nervous they couldnt hardly eat anything!!  He was already tired and wanted to study his General Orders and Navy Creed, etc.. some more, so I told him I would say goodbye after dinner.  I promised him I would not cry until I was back in the van headed home, but he kept giving me the 'puppy dog" eyes and looked sort of sad or scared--I don't know--but I think he actually wanted me to cry!  I held it together though (trying to be "tough mom" until I went past the Denver Rescue Mission and saw all those homeless people--so sad--then I lost it.   It has been a long DEP wait of 9 months....so I had already done a lot of crying in private-- and yet it still hits you like a ton of bricks! Women, your husbands will NOT understand this (unless you are lucky enough to have one of the sensitive ones), especially if you had a son/daughter who caused a lot of "friction" at home. But this is totally normal.  They will always still be our babies--even though they will be MEN/WOMEN at graduation--and we will probably cry even harder at graduation because we will be so proud!

Regarding Phones:

He insisted on keeping his cell phone and, boy, was I glad he did!  He got to text/call us and his girlfriend clear up to when they were at the USO office in Chicago.  It eliminated any "mystery" about where he was and when. He texted when his airplane was leaving. He texted when his airplane arrived in Chicago, etc...  So I sort of knew when the "I am Here--Safe & Sound" phone call was going to come (mostly it is very late depending on your time zone 11pm to 2am). I have not heard of anyone getting the first call any earlier than that.  Be prepared as you cannot hear them very well--there is alot of background noise--and they cut out alot on their cell phones because they are inside.   The toughest part for me so far is not knowing how they are doing this first couple of weeks.  It is hard to tell his friends/girl friend that he can have no contact for the first 2 weeks. They totally do not understand that. They think it is cruel and mean and weird as we live in such a techno--info--everyone's totally accessible world these days. When you are so used to Skype, Facebook, Texting, Tweeting, it is hard for teenagers to understand the concept of solitude. 

Dont know what I would've done without Navy for Moms this past 9 months of DEP leading up to his leaving. It totally prepared me for what was to come.  His recruiter was AMAZED at what I knew already before he left.

 

Signed:  Michael's Mom

 

 

[ABH Mom (Tiffani)]

I totally feel for you Mikey's mom.  This has been super tough waiting.  Cody has been gone a week and a half now, hoping we hear get the form letter soon.  He has a fiance so she got the sailor in a box and she will get the form letter also.  I have been writing him and sending letters out so hopefully he gets those soon.  I did find out his ship and division number from his recruiter.  This site has been wonderful. 

[tina41]

hang in there mikeys mom!!  i know it is hard.  when my son left for boot camp i was like you and was the "tough mom".  we were able to go to meps with him and watch him get sworn in.  i didnt cry.   we were allowed to see him get on the bus to leave for the airport.  i didnt cry.  we had an hour and a half drive home from meps.  i didnt cry.  i walked in the door at home. i had to run to the bathroom( the only room i knew i would get privacy) and cried my eyes out.  it really hit me then.  i think i cried everyday for the first week.  i also cleaned alot for the first two weeks.  it does get better.   i tried to set short term expectations.  like looking for the box, then the form letter, and then letters from him once a week.  the time went by faster once we started to be able to send letters and received them from him.     keep your chin up!! try to stay strong!!    this site is wonderful for support and answers. 

[mikey's mom]

I took one mom's advise on writing a letter everyday even b4 you know their address.  That really is good therapy. At least you feel like you are talking to them in a way. I just write what the local football scores are, his favorite NFL , college teams, etc.  So he will feel in touch with the outside world when he finally does get the letters.  He left 10/5 and I do not have his address yet and Monday is Columbus day. So i am bummed and the recruiter will be out of the office Monday. And, ya, I have been cleaning also. Must be a weird Mom thing, huh?  His girlfriend wanted to come over and help clean his room and I had to say "I am not ready for that yet" it seems like sacred ground still.

 

Thanks for your support!!

[hollyP(03/025)]

16 days till my Michael leaves....i cry or tear up every day  so hate to think what it's going to be like when he goes.l know what you mean about the husband... mine is clueless and I know will not understand no way no how..

[darlene8993]

momofbp, I completely agree.  We also were at PIR on 10/7, what an experience!  I didn't cry like I expected to, I think I was so busy trying not to miss a single thing that I didn't get around to crying!  I did cry when she got on that plane on Saturday morning, when she turned around and blew us a goodbye kiss.  Is that really my baby girl?  It almost doesn't feel "real" in a way!  It's like a string pulling me up from the top of my head, I am so proud of her.  Makes me walk a little taller too, I guess.  I miss her still but we had a lot of fun yesterday sending "random texts just because we could" and it felt GREAT!  For you ladies who are just embarking on this journey - and it IS a journey - stay close to this site, it will make your experience so, so much better.  We all felt just exactly like you, and it's so comforting to be able to share those feelings with someone who truly does understand.  Hang in there, one day at a time!

[SheilaD]

Mikey'sMom - There is light at the end of the tunnel!!  DEP lasts forever, then they go in a blink!  My son left on 8/23/11, after almost a year of waiting.  You are never really ready, but we were so proud watching him at his final swearing in at MEPS.  He is now only 3 days away from BattleStations21 (BS) and what a change there has been in him!  This site has been great for info and just talking with other Moms who really understand all you are going through.  Can't wait to see him walk into graduation in 10 days!

[diane]

SHELIAD THIS IS DIANE WE HAVE TALKED BEFORE. MY SON ALSO GRADUATES 10/21/11. I READ IN ANOTHER GROUP THAT AFTER GRADUATION THAT IT CAN TAKE UP TO 5HRS TO PRE PARE SAILOR TO SHIP OUT , SO IT DOES'T SEEM LIKE WE GET ALOT OF TIME  TO SPEND WITH HIM . HE SHIPS OUT AT 1AM 10/22/11. DID YOUR SAILOR GIVE YOU ANY DETAILS? OUR SAILOR WILL GO TO S. CAROLINA. ANY INFO IS WELCOMED.

[sdees3]

Our son called us at 9:11 pm and said he got to RTC safe and sound. He said he would call in 3 weeks but two days later he called and said they got another phone call. So glad he did.  I expected his box today then realized it was a mail/bank holiday so maybe tomorrow. Navy for Moms has helped me a lot and I appreciate all the support.

[ProudNavyMom]

Mikeys Mom - I wish I had known about Navy for Moms while my son was waiting (DEP).  I only found out about it one week before he left.  My son did the same with his cell phone.  He left on Oct 6 (last Thursday) and he texted/called me throughout the day up until the time they got put on the bus to BC and then it stopped.  My I'm here call came at 9:50 PM which surprised me because I thought it would be much later. 

[mikey's mom]

bsanford, have you gotten the form letter yet?  I have gotten the box, but not the letter telling me grad date and where to mail him.  Its the waiting--thats the hardest part.

 

 

[ProudNavyMom]

No I haven't received the form letter yet.  Still waiting.  I received the box on Tuesday.  You are right.  The waiting is hard.

[BusyLifeHappyWife]

My son leaves in 40 days.  Nov. 22nd.  right before the holiday's which I know will make it more difficult.  My husband, daughter and myself plan to leave at Christmas.  We just don't feel right having the "normal family tradition" without him this first year. 

And boy oh boy do I know what you mean about the Dad's not understanding.  I feel like I'm loosing him forever (though rationally I know better).  Now I have to let go, oh how do you do that?  I don't know how to support him right?  Balance letting him know how sad I am but being strong for him at the same time.  I don't want him to know I cry all the time, but I don't want him to think I don't care either.  My husband is just ready for him to leave.  Not because he won't miss him, but because he knows it's going to be a great experience, make him a man and wants him to get out of this small town and make something of himself.  (not to mention get away from the gaming!)  That's the source of our issues.  I love hearing all of your stories so I know my feelings are normal.   Thanks so much for sharing, your knowledge comforts me.  I will make sure he takes his phone.