Freaking out!!! Help

[CUPCAKE]

I've been hearing a lot of girls are getting there hearts broken from sailors or soon to be sailors. I'm freaking out because I'm afraid that might happen to me. I love my soon to be sailor to death. He told me nothing would change but people are saying that their attitude changes and I'm afraid my soon to be sailor is going to change his mind about me. I haven't received a letter yet but I don't know what to think. I think i might be over reacting but I'm really afraid i will lose him and i don't want to... Any help would be great

[kgermann]

You're not over reacting, I had to wait forever for my letter!!!!! The enitre time I was pondering whether out relationship would be the same and if he would still love me....I have been with my amazing boyfriend for almost 2 years and I still doubted our realtionship, however, once I ended up with that first letter in my hand I had complete reassurance! I got 4 pages from my man and all of them continued to say that he loved me and missed me so much!!!! Hang in there I promise the day you get that letter you'll feel so much better!!! :)

[meagan5220]

first off breathe... here is the deal its just as likely to happen to civilian bfs as well. Girls get their heartbroken everyday. and there are girls everyday that fall in love and life happily ever after. We see and read abt all the girls who have their heartbroken by a sailor bc this is what the site is for, support for those with loved ones that are sailors but go on facebook and you will see millions of girls getting their heartbroken as well. (I wouldnt really suggest you do that bc honestly it can be a jungle out there) but really just focus on your realtionship and making it stronger and not other ppls relationships. Mayb take note of something you know is not good for a relationship but dont start making events happen that havent yet.  

 

Anytime, someone goes through a big enough life event they change a little. It doesnt have to be bad. One thing a lot of girls have trouble with is you arent number one anymore, I am not saying in their heart but in their mind and on their list of priorities. Its now the Navy. what they say goes, Navy says jump the sailor already knows how high bc its drilled into them. I would be surprised if they didnt change at all.

 

lastly if you freak out abt something happening and only think abt that happening you will cause it to happen. I am a firm believer in how you think determines how you react in life. If you are sitting here freakin out abt how he is going to change and that means he wont love you then you will see it as that even if its not. There is a book called the Secret. most ppl think its dumb bc they dont believe in the power of thought but really if you imagine things as being ok then even if they arent perfect you will have a better outlook on it. If you imagine things as being bad or already have a negative view on things then it will be even harder to ever see the positive bc you will be so focused on the negative, and you cant look to other people's relationships to tell you how yours will end up either.

[CUPCAKE]

Thanks you guys. This is really a big help. I guess I just need to wait for that letter, and not freak out thanks so much

[CUPCAKE]

thanks so much for the advice

[brianna1013 (Ship 11 div 366)]

Hey Girl! I feel the same way His letters are getting fewer and shorter but I understand he is very very busy as is your SR. I am planning our wedding and I read all this stuff about how their attitude changes and everything I am very scared and concerned. I stay strong by thinking about the times before he left and just know that he IS safe there and he is doing something for him just be there and let him know you support him! <3

[CUPCAKE]

ya i havent got my first letter yet. but I'm feeling a little better because his mom got his form letter and he said he loved and missed me :)... I'm just a girlfriend but i think we may get engaged in june when he gets home between A school and C school..thanks

[BearyBlueNavyWife!]

The first time you see him again he again will be very different because he will be right out of bootcamp and not sure what he can do without getting introuble! I was married 5 years before he joined and I felt like he forgot about me and was scared of me! The letters and calls I got was the guy I knew and loved but the guy that came out of bootcamp at first was not him! It will pass as they get more freedom on the outside world but you have to not give up on him! I knew a girl that stayed strong the whole time he was in bootcamp but than gave up because she thought he was done with her because he was different and most of the guys got very sick the first week of their school so they didn't call you much because they were always in bed sick plus they will not have their stuff (phone, laptop) till you go back home after PIR and send it! LOL! My best advice is to stay strong for him and don't give up because he really needs you to help him get through bootcamp and the new navy life, be ready when you go to his PIR that he will be different and will not hold your hand or kiss you in public (but you will get his arm)! The very best thing you can do is write him lots of letters and even if you have not got his 1st letter yet have some ready to send for when you get it! That way he will get a lot at one time! At the start of bootcamp is the very hardest time for them and he will be so home sick! I got a letter from him telling me that I can write him as much as I wanted and that it would help him so much to hear from me and I had wrote him at least 1-2 a day since he had left and was sending them as soon as I got the address but he didn't get them yet! I was crying like crazy because I felt so bad and didn't understand why he had not got my letters yet and that he thought I would not write him or forgot about him! But he was so shocked when he got like 5 of my letters all at once and they kept calling his name! LOL! Stick in there it is so worth it! Good luck and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me because as you can tell I'm good at talking but also listening! :-)  

[CUPCAKE]

well the only problem is that i wont see him on his PIR because i go to boot camp December 6th and his PIR is December 2nd and my recruiter doesnt want to risk me not going to BC.

[Angie]

food for thought, if you are married you will NOT be stationed near each other.  And if you are married, the Navy does NOT have to station you two near each other either.  So there is a chance that you will go to one coast and he to the other. 

 

Also nothing is stopping you from going to his PIR, the recruiter has no reason to say you can't go to it.  BUT if you do go and end up getting married during the PIR weekend, YOU will have to redo all your paper work which will delay you, and HE could end up in trouble.

[CUPCAKE]

Well we dont plan on getting married for a while. And they dont want me to be stuck in great lakes if it snows. and i would not get him in trouble by doing that but thank you.

[xxpaprincessxx]

I know what everyone says about your minds changing once he is a true sailor and feeling may change after he does. this is not to discourage you. I got married in March to my sailor. He was not in the Navy prior to us being together. It is hard dont get me wrong but stay strong and your letter will come. they do not have much time in boot camp to write so dont worry if it takes a while for your first letter to come. If you ever need someone to talk to you are welcome to message me. It is very frustrating the whole process. but stick it out.. if your willing to try then you should have no issues.