Me going to college might just be harder than bootcamp for him...

[alyson_lynn]

I am a Senior in high school and extremely excited about furthering my education. I had a college visit today to a school I am pretty serious about because of the amazing nursing program. As I went through the day, I became more and more impressed by this school. I texted my boyfriend all day telling him about how great the campus, classes, and people are. He was happy for me, but by the time I got home I could tell something was bothering him. I texted him and asked him what wrong. And I was not a bit suprised when he told me he is so worried about me going to college. Me going to college is not suprise to him, he knew I would be going eventually, but now it is finally hitting him. I am so worried that this will eat away at him until he finally snaps. Yes, him being gone is extremely hard on me, but at some point you just got to say, "It's gonna happen, nothing can stop it, so support him." He is so worried I will get taken advantage of and get to caught up in the "college life", that we will grow apart.

I don't know what to do. He is seriously so upset about this. He wants me to go to college, I just don't think he knew how hard this was going to be. I will not compromise my future for anyone, but he is part of my future. Is there anyone who can relate? Is there anything I can tell him to help him feel a little better? I will take any bit of advice. I love this man to death and I don't want him to spend all his time worrying about me.

Much Appreciated.

[TexasMomof2]

Ohhh, well, as a Mom, I can tell you that anytime there is change, there is uncertainty.  He knows where you are now....he's confident in your feelings for him.  However, he won't know the environment nor the situations you will be in when you go to college.  And this could be threatening to him in terms of your feelings....he might be wondering if you will feel the same towards him in a different environment.  Does that make sense?  Just reassure him.  Say the things he needs to hear...again.  And know that with time things will be fine....his confidence will grow.

[meagan5220]

Sit down and talk to him abt everything, and let him get his feelings all out. and talk to him abt what you want for your life!! Explain to him that you want the best education possible that fits you. My husband and I have talked abt my future numerous times! He ov course wants me to continue (I have two bachelors now I need a masters) I told him I worked my butt off to make really good grades and get 2 degrees in 4 years no way am I staying home and not doing what I want with my life. He wants to move straight home after we get out of the Navy. But we cant bc we will be going to where my grad school is (Its SOOOO expensive so I am saving up) He just has to accept the fact that my career is just as important as his is.

 

Just because you go to college doesnt mean you have to party, get crazy, or stop loving him. I told my husband that I would not change my life for him he fell in love with me and part of the reason was bc I was so determined and set on the path I had chosen so I wont change it just to make him happy. Just sit down and tell him how happy going to this school will make you and how much it will help you in your search for a career. I look at it this way. I follow him around and love him no matter what crap the Navy drags me through the least he could do is support my career as well. Has he gone to BC already? Reassure him that you love him no matter what but you have to make yourself happy as well. Otherwise you could grow to resent him for holding you back from your dream! A very smart man that is a leading expert in the field of foresnic science once said "If you have ever lost a dream you have lost a life" Its true in my mind if I dont continue with my dream what will I be?? Not what I want to be. If I give it up just to make someone else happy what does that make me? I also hate the typical mindset all women must be housewives and have kids, (dont take this to mean I think there is something wrong with being a SAHM! I just know thats not the life for me. I cant do it. Other women can and kudos to them!) I will be what I want to be and I can still be his everything no matter what, and no matter how far away. I hope everything works out for you! Just sit him down and talk abt everything!

[alyson_lynn]

He graduated from Bootcamp on September 30 and is not at A school waiting for his classes to start.

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

I can totally understand. 

I'm a freshman at Clemson University.

Aaron left for bootcamp January of my Junior year. We've been together since before that. 

He was completely supportive during the whole application, visits, etc. experience. And then he realized... there would be college guys, and I'd be living in a dorm, etc. He got worried. Like a lot worried. But he knew he had to deal with it. He knew he just had to trust me, just like I had to trust him during A school. He's realized what I went through with him going out, being around girls, etc. It's an adjustment, but that's it. It's just adjusting to the new schedules and obligations and surroundings. But it's completely doable. 

If college is what you want to do, then do it. If he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then he will support you, no questions asked. 

Hang in there. I'm willing to answer any questions you may have. :)

[alyson_lynn]

Thanks so much you guys. Right now, I barely want to even bring up the word college. He is having a harder and harder time as each day goes by. He thinks all college is about is drinking and partying. When we first started dating, he was a huge partier and slowly broke that habit. I feel as if his mind keeps going back to then and keeps thinking that I am going to act the same way as he did. (I know he DID deserve that, but now he Doesn't) I have no intention to leave him, cheat him on him, get wasted, or anything he has in mind. ugggggggghhhhhh. It frustrates me because I am sitting a thousand miles away from him, alone. He left me. The Navy was his choice, not mine. And college is my choice. I want college and I want him. I shouldn't have to decide.... I'm so upset.

 

 

[meagan5220]

I can understand why he might feel vulnerable at A school its a very stressful and confusing time mostly bc everything is a waiting game. They are waiting to class up they wait for orders etc. They have no control over anything. at the same time they are getting tons of info in a condensed period of time (My husbands A school was 8 weeks where his friend got the same school in 2 years) plus just getting out of bootcamp its a sudden change and a big shock.

 

Yes college is a time where you meet new people, experience new things, and mayb do things you have never done before (not all bad like ppl often think), I have to admit I was a partier my first 3 years of college on the weekends but I worked two jobs and went to school 18 hours a semester. I still made smart choices and only got myself in one sticky situation and it was actually something I stepped into on accident. He has to trust you.... but here is the thing... you could just as easily fall into those same situations not going to college. I understand how it feels to be left. I felt so abandonded when he left bc he just decided to join one day on his lunch break pretty much. I knew he was thinking abt it but it wasnt discussed. Honeslty, you could cheat anywhere anytime. If you feel like you gave up college for him you could fall into something much worse in my opinion. (Not saying you would to either) But College would give you something to keep you occupied and you can get yourself around ppl who are focused like you are on your goal. If the school has a really good program chances are you are going to find yourself working hard to keep up which will help you a lot. Staying busy is the BEST way to help you. Also, talk to him abt how you are supporting a decision he made that is a big life decision and you want his support for yours. I actually ran into some hs friends my senior year of college, even the ones that were smart in high school, if they didnt move away or go to school they fell into this little clique, they all were into drugs and were all drunk when I saw them. It made me sad to think that some of them are so smart yet they just let life get the best of them and chose to stay home and fall into a bad habit. So again it all goes back to trust imo, not sayin he doesnt trust you but right now a lot of things in his life are extremely rocky, he is waiting around for school, which if it was anything like my husband he was told oh you have to leave for BC in two months bc you have an open spot in a school you will start right away...then he got there and was told ohh it could be up to 6 months. So he needed something stable. I told him it didnt matter I would always be here no matter what happened. Idk if I would really suggest this buuut he was freaking out all the time on me in A school bc he was alone and I was with my family and I wasnt doing a ton of things he had asked me to do on top of trying to graduate from my college and do all my senior projects soooo one day I might have freaked out a little. Not like yelling but I just let him know that I was stretched thin and I needed him to support me bc I was going through those changes just like he was. He would go out with his friends but if I went out he would freak out if he couldnt get ahold of me. We both realized the other needed to get out and was beyond stressed it was a lot easier to talk. I have a lot of friends that have said their sailors didnt understand how stressful this was for the person on the other end. They think being home makes it so much easier but it can also make it harder.

 

You should not have to choose! You have the right to go to school and have a life too. Havin a nursing degree is something that will move with you. You can travel and still find a job. Which will give you something to do while he is working. Being bored with nothing to do can drive ya crazy in this life I have found. I told my sailor how alone and bored I feel if I have nothing to do or no job so even though he wants to take care of me and never make me get a job I am getting one even if that means I work days he has off. which I have done many days and will do alot these next few years I think. I cannot not live my life.

[alyson_lynn]

Wow, thank you guys so much. We are doing a whole lot better. This will just have to be a gradual process, just like it was for me when he joined the Navy. Thank you so much :)