Enough time for me...?

[alyson_lynn]

My boyfriend comes home this week Thursday-Sunday morning. I'm finding myself with a lot of greedy emotiins. I understand his family wants to spend time with him. I understand his mom and sister missed him too. And because I completely respect that and I am willing to give them the time together that they need. But through all the Thanksgiving dinners and other family time spent with him is there any time for me? I know this sounds so greedy, but please tell me one of you have felt this way. I love his family. But I am so afraid of being over looked. Tomorrow will be our 2 year anniversary, we have never spent or celebrate an anniversary together under other circumstances, but I would love to do something special just me and him. The only problem is my wishes cone last. What everyone is not understanding is that I miss him just the same!! When he left I lost my best friend, my hang out body. I've become lonely too. We spent alot of time together, don't they realize I miss him too. It bothers me to a greedy degree. I want him to see every one of his loved ones. I also want him to spend some quality alone time with his family.... But I would kill for just an hour of alone time with him. Ugggghhh. I just needed to vent. ANY advice is welcome. Thanks!

[Anti M]

Completely understandable and very common.  Let him know how you feel, but don't apply pressure or make him choose between you and the family.  You have all the future holidays ahead. 

Of course you want your time with him, but this situation won't be this way forever.  Be generous with his family time.  My nephew was home for three weeks and I got a couple hours to visit.  That hurts.  Understand his love for you is not measured in minutes, no matter how you treasure those minutes.

If you're going to be the wife someday, you'll get him full time eventually, and you will want the good will and love of his family. 

Do the best you can, because this isn't easy!

[chelsjade17]

Don't feel bad!! I feel the exact same way!  I'm sure his family wants to spend as much time as possible with him and he wants to spend time with them too, but like my sailor told me, I will tell them to back off and they will let us have some time alone.  I love his family...a lot, and they understand that you need some time with him too!

[abuon18]

I'm sure he wants to see you as much as you want to see him! I think the best thing to do would be to ask what his plans are while he's home and see if you can spend a couple of hours with him even if he is with his family. Like spend Thanksgiving with your family but maybe later that evening you can go see him. I've found the life of a Nayv s/o is all about compromise and unfortunately when it comes to time with our Sailors we just have to take what we can get and make the best of it. So enjoy the time you WILL have with him and don't dwell on the time he is not with you.

[ilovecountry]

It's completely normal to feel like this! The first Christmas Cam had home, I was just dying for a little bit of alone time without so much driving all over the place, running to family parties, etc. It was also hard for me because initially when Cameron joined the Navy, none of his family even came to his going away party! Then all of a sudden when he came home for Christmas, they made a huge deal about seeing him.

 

It's one of those things that requires SO much patience. It's hard to not feel swept up with all of it. What we did, was we had family time, and then alone time. Example: we went to San Francisco for a cable car tour for the day, and then his family went home, and we spent the rest of the night in the city. On Christmas Day, the two of us told his family we were going to volunteer and that they were welcome to join! None of them did...so we got the time together to be alone (not completely, but you know what I mean.)

 

He was recently home on leave for 10 days, which was also hard. Everyone wanted to spend time with him, but none of them had even written him, called him, or contacted him in MONTHS. I made that point to him, and he understood. We're married now, so it's a little different than when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. His family understands and respects that his time home is generally going to be spent with me.

 

When we were boyfriend & girlfriend, I just made it clear that if he wanted to spend time with me, he needed to TELL his family that he wanted to. Otherwise, I'd always be accused of "stealing" him away. It's easy for family to blame things on you if he doesn't say anything about what HE wants. It's important!

 

Don't stress over it too much. It will detract from the time you two have :)

[alyson_lynn]

I have been invited to his family's Thanksgiving, so I will spend time with him there. It just bothers me because his mom (whom I love dearly) is very greedy about this time home and she has invited herself along to things that we had earlier planned as 'us' time. It was my idea to go to Black Friday so we could spend time together AND everyone else would still be sleeping so it wouldn't cut into their time, but somehow now his mom might come and his sister will too. Its extremely hard for me. I really do want him to tell his family that we need alone time, but his family has a closer bond then most I've seen so I don't know. Ugggh. Still extremely overwhelmed. I know they will respect our wishes, but I also don't want to look as if I'm 'stealing' him away.

[Angie]

HE needs to tell the family what and who he wants to spend time with...it is HIS leave!  It always drove me crazy that people expected me (as the Sailor) to go running around and do what they wanted, with whom they wanted...I put my foot down!

 

IT is up to him who he wants to spend time with and what he wants to do..if he doesn't...oh-well!  IF he wants to spend alone time with you....than he will plan that.

 

Just be open to what ever happens...

[Angie]

lol...  Anti M and I should get together with Craig on here to write one..sure it would be good :~}

 

Happy Thanksgiving.

[meagan5220]

Amen My husband got soo mad bc he was being told well so and so wants to see you, and so and so has supported you since you were little blah blah. Ugh I got so mad bc he would get stressed about and it and get mad and then snap at me. Out of the whole time he was home on this leave before his deployment we got one night together alone, and it didnt even start until 630 pm. I was crushed, but he also saw it as I was the only person with him the whole time throughout the whole week so he saw it as he was spending all the time with me and whoever else where I saw it as I was just a tagalong. Out of all his friends one of them stays in touch with me or even him while he is out to sea the rest arent heard from until right before he is coming home. unless its random sports, fishing, etc. but its always short.

 

I did talk to him though and explain to him I dont consider time with his friend and a a beer for him while I DD for them all spending time with him, I consider it being a DD. So after that he planned out our alone night. Sometimes you have to explain stuff to boys ;)

[Katie26]

This is exactly what i went through last year thanksgiving time. he wasnt told until 2 days before that he could come home and he wad flat broke. i paid close to 450 for a plane ticket for 2 1/2 days. thanksgiving, my bday (day after) and then he left the day after that. i wanted to spend it all with him, but i knew that wouldnt be right. i gave him the idea of him spending thrusday with his fam, my bday with me, and i would hang out at his house wih him and his fam the last day before he left. he INSITED he see me on thanksgiving, so ofc i get my hopes up and he never finds the time to stop by. i was devaasted. he shouldnt have said he would if he didnt know forsure. the "greed" is normal you just nneed to learn how to cope with it so it doesnt ruin the time you 2 have together. i wasnt forunate to of learned so quickly and we ended up breakin up the day he left. we are together now but it was heartbreakin

[alyson_lynn]

Don't worry. It all went just fine. It definitely wasn't worth all the time spent worrying about it. On Thursday, his family and I drove to the airport to pick him up, from there we went to his family's Thanksgiving dinner. After Thanksgiving, him, his sister, and I went to Black Friday. We got home early in the morning and I was allowed to sleep over in his guest bedroom. Once I got up, he brought me home and stopped to say 'hi' to my family. He had lunch with his close family alone so they could have time together. Later in the afternoon, I went back over for the date he suprised me with. We went out to eat at a fancy restaruant. Following that we went to a little party with some more of his family. When we were done there I went with him to catch up with some of our old friends. I headed home and he spent all night hanging out with his friends. On Saturday, he picked me up and we headed to Sioux Falls for another one of his family things. We spent the whole day there. Him, his family, and I stayed over in a hotel and dropped him off early Sunday morning.

 

He did an extremely good job of seperating time. When I saw him all the anxious thoughts disappeared and I remembered this is HIS weekend! His family and I get along great and for that I am extrememly grateful. I spend a lot of time with them even when my Sailor is gone. I was so blessed this Thanksgiving to first off have my Sailor home and secondly be able to spend all the great time together. It makes me emotional just typing this... It was like the "good ol' days".

Thanks for the advice. I let him read this and it helped both of us. <3