Holiday conflicts & families...

[SavingGrace]

I'm stuck in the middle and I don't really know what do do anymore. I've been invited by my sailor's family to join them for christmas this year but my parents are not very happy about it especially when I'm from the east coast and I'm flying to the west coast. They - my sailor's parents- have already booked me a ticket and are very excited that I'm coming let alone meeting them for the first time since me and my sailor have been together. My parents met him plenty of times since he's stationed over here on my coast and he has visited very often let alone spent Easter and Thanksgiving with me and my family. Its almost a year now that I've been with my sailor and he's been to visit enough times that my family is well aware of who he is but its getting tiring that my parents wont let me grow up. I'm 23 years old and capable of making my own decisions and I'm at a loss now how to live my own life and let my parents in it as well because they want to make every decision for me and I'm clearly- in their eyes- not making any correct choices. Andrew- my sailor- has been the first man to try and let my parents get to know him better. He's polite and very respectful but my parents aren't trying and its tiring. I'm going to spend christmas with his family but I just don't know how to calm this fire thats building now between my parents and my sailor and I'm stuck in the middle.

I just .. I've always been once to try and make everyone happy but how can I do it when I'm not? My sailors parents are excited to meet me with warm and welcoming arms, my parents aren't thrilled and pretty upset, my sailor doesn't understand why my parents are upset and I'm just confused and at a loss really on how to understand my parents.... =[

[meagan5220]

I know it might be hard but I am sure your parents are just worried. Do you live close to a base...perhaps they see or hear about girls falling for sailors who just ditch them when they leave, are you the youngest maybe they are scared that you will leave them. Christmas (at least to my family) is a HUGE deal. In my family pretty much EVERY family member comes to Christmas it doesnt matter what they do for other holidays as long as they come for Christmas. Its a day for family and they might feel like you do not want to be with them, it could be hurting them. They probably arent upset at you really more likely just upset. I will probably miss my first christmas next year bc my husband shouldnt be deployed (we will be drydocked) and while things may change my whole family is ALREADY in a tizzy bc I will be missing it if he cant get leave. but its just something that will happen but the first time I am sure it will be hard for everyone involved.

 

I know you want to grow up but they are probably just tryin to protect you, them inviting him to a dinner is a lot different in their eyes then you flying all the way across the country to spend a big holiday with people you havent met and that are just your "boyfriends" family. (Please do not think I am trying to say this is how I feel I am just saying they might feel hurt by it). I mean it would sort of be like if you had a best friend and you did EVERYthing with her then one day she decided to do something you two always do together with someone else. It could be hurtful. I would say sit down and talk to them are you still planning on doing something for Christmas with your family? Have you talked to them about settin aside special time for them to do presents, eat dinner, whatever your family tradition may be?

[Anti M]

Sometimes you have to make the choice which makes YOU happy.  Tell your parents you love them, but you will be making this visit to the west coast.  Sometimes you have to stand up and act like an adult to get the parents to believe it.  Mine wanted me to do nothing but to come back and stay at home, single, even after I'd been married once!  And I was 30!

They might not be taking your relationship seriously.  Ask them what they are concerned about.  You being dumped in a strange place?  That you will get pregnant?  That you will love him more than them?  (that happens, ask my in-laws, hubby hasn't been to his parents home at Christmas since he married me)

[Angie]

You really need to put your foot down and do what YOU want to do! You are a grown women...your parents will worry no matter what , but if you give in now they will expect it all the time.

 

STOP makimng everyone happy and make yourself happy!

[motherinlawtobe]

Holidays are tough and even tougher when all the kids start getting married, having boyfriends, and other families they need to visit.  I ran myself in the ground for years trying to visit everyone until I finally - at about 45 - put my foot down and said, you can come to me now.  My poor kids were drug from house to house on Christmas day - so my advice is, put your foot down now.  You have given your parents all the other holidays, so now its his parents turn to spend some time with both of you.  Ask your parents to have Christmas before you leave or after your return.  It's not the date, its the meaning of the season that matters, and you should be able to celebrate that EVERY day of the year.  Family doesn't have to have a holiday to enjoy being together.