Need Some Advice...Marrying for Sailor.

[alyson_lynn]

Marriage is somewhere in my Sailor and I's future, the only question is when? I will be graduating high school this May and will be doing at least one semester of college where I live. After that I hope that my Sailor and I have a stable (stablity in the military? IMPOSSIBLE) enough life that I could move where he is and continue with college. I haven't discussed the idea of getting legally married and later having the cermony with my family yet, but I hope that you guys can help give them insight on the differences between civilian marriages and military marriages (getting married young).

So here's what I am asking, if you are married or are planning on getting married in the near future, can you tell me when your wedding day was, how long you guys were together before you tied the knot, and if you could would you do it again or would you do it a little different?

My mom was 17 and my dad was 21 when they got married, so the thought of young marriage isn't foreign to them, but I would still like them to see how in military life getting married young is normal.

[aecallis]

Me and my sailor have only been together for 5 months and we just got engaged a few weeks ago. We're planning our wedding for September 15th, before his ship sets out for deployment. So we'll have been together for only a year before we get married. In civilian's eyes, that's not long enough to even say the words "I love you" but what people don't realize is how quick military relationships HAVE to move because of the distance and hardships. I'm in my second year of college and will finish my third year before I move out to Washington to live with my husband. I've yet to decide if I'll continue my education or just look for a job on or near base. My advice for you is to forgo the courthouse wedding. Me and my sailor are very Chrisitian and God is at the center of our relationship. We decided that if we are going to get married, we are going to do it once and do it the right way- in a church surrounded by family and friends. Military life is anything but normal but if you love your sailor enough, it's worth the trouble. Also, make sure your sailor checks with his chiefs and everything to make sure you can set a for sure date for a wedding, it took some time but he finally put in his leave chit for September 15th. Good luck!!

[Mrshawkins10]

Me and my sailor have been together for almost 2 yrs now and we've been engaged since feb 10 we plan on getting married soon. We even talked about after PIR but that was before he left and now im reading things about PIR weekend and that may not be possible so if not then our original plan was when he leaves illinois he has to go to submarine school then after that and right before he goes to A school which is both in Conneticut i'd fly up and we'll do it there through a JOP:) Hopefully our plans work out! Good Luck!!!!

[abuon18]

My husband and I got married after being together for about a year and 3 months. We have known each other since high school though. I was 23 and he was 24. The biggest difference between military marriages and civilian marriages, as far as from my experience, is the time spent apart and the lack of communication at times.

We had a small ceremony on the beach with only family and are planning a vow renewal on our anniversary so our friends and family who couldn't make it on short notice will still be able to celebrate with us.

Good luck with everything.

[flipflops91]

I just married my sailor last week after his PIR...we have been together to 3 1/2 years. He is my highschool sweetheart and my only boyfriend. We just went to the courthouse in Illinois and are happier than anything! We plan on a big ceremony at church with friends and family when he has the time to take off :) we are both 20, so we are still young but I think when yo know there is nothing that should stop you from marrying the man of your dreams. I know I havent had a lot of time but I wouldnt have picked any other way to marry my husband.

[Mrshawkins10]

Was that easy to do? How did yall do it? If you dont mind me asking. That's our plan. Where were yall?

[stephaa2430]

did you have to make an appointment? how did you go about that? I am in the same situation & his PIR is this Friday! Also, will he get in trouble?

[Anti M]

These ladies have good points... but scroll down these discussions to find the topic about the advantages of being a spouse. Being a girlfriend puts you out of the loop for health information if he is hurt, deployment updates, and of course the financial benefits.  However, if you are staying at home to go to college, and your parents are still helping out, you aren't under pressure near as much.

I married in Vegas, but I was also in the Navy, I was older and it was a second marriage for us both, and we had no idea when we'd see each other again as we were not stationed near each other.  Next month is 25 years.  

Marrying young or not, that is an individual decision, as everyone has very different maturity levels.  You and he know if you two are ready.  Nothing wrong with a long engagement, and waiting until he is settled at a first command is not a bad idea.

[abuon18]

Just a heads up to those of you who are planning on getting married PIR weekend... They are told not to, so your Sailor can get in a lot of trouble if he gets married that weekend without permission! Also, if your Sailor is not staying in GL for A school you may not have the time for it. It's difficult to communicate during boot camp so make SURE your Sailor has the proper permission before you even think about it!

[cheylovesasailor]

My sailor and I dated for  2 years, we got engaged and went through a deployment so we could see how we would handle it together and were engaged for 11 months and got married August 6th, 2011 :) it was great. Wishing the best to you and your sailor :)

[sailorwifenmom]

Honestly, I think there are a lot of variables, and you're the only ones who know if you're mature enough and ready to handle being married.

My husband and I got married young (we were both 20), but we were both Active Duty and "out on our own".  We've been married for almost 20 years now.  BUT, and I really don't mean this to be negative, I'm just trying to give  you an honest answer so you know what you're getting into and can keep your relationship as strong as possible, but honestly, while yes, a lot of military members get married young, a lot of those marriages do end up in divorce.  Marriage, no matter how much you love each other, is hard, and being a military couple can be very hard.  Especially when you factor in the fact that unless he's an E-4, if he gets stationed overseas, he won't be allowed to take you with him. 

Like I said, I'm not trying to discourage you, because I know - even from my own personal experience - that it is possible to get married young and have a very happy and successful military marriage.  I just want you to know that it is much harder being a young military couple than a lot of people think it will be, kwim? 

Either way, good luck to you guys!  :-)

[chelsjade17]

I'm in the exact same situation as you!  I'm a senior in high school, I'm just 17.  None of my friends seem to understand that military relationships move faster than civilian relationships.  Not just because it's easier to be married, but the military makes both the sailor and the spouse mature.  You're not alone sister, I'd like to go to college wherever my sailor is, but just like you, family is a problem.  They just don't understand.  My mom and dad were in the Air Force, they got married at 18 and got divorced two years later, so I can see where they're coming from.  But, if you feel it in your heart, just go for it!