Is it possible to just have one REAL wedding?

[chelsjade17]

I've been thinking about this a lot, just because I AM a girl and think about getting married all of the time and, is it possible for my sailor and I to just have ONE REAL wedding?  It wouldn't be for a couple of years, but I often hear that what most couples do is just head to a courthouse, get legally married, and then wait to do a big wedding later.  As much as I would love to be married to my sailor either way, and it WILL be easier once that happens, I don't want a courthouse wedding.  I want a wedding in a church, under God, surrounded by friends and family.  And I want it to happen ONCE and for it to be special.  So, ladies, who have done both, done the courthouse, or really have been able to just have that big wedding, tell me about it!  Also, is a honeymoon possible?  

Thank you!

Love, Chelsey Jade <3

[mrschelsea]

it is possible to have a real wedding i think any wedding big or small is real. But with my husbands work schedule, deployments and all that happy jazz we've been unable to have a ceremony yet. We did a simple courthouse wedding, just us two and signing the wedding license. i cant wait to have my big ceremony surrounded by friends and family, to have my dream dress and get walked down the isle by my dad. Having two different ceremony's doesn't make it any less special, sometimes its just easier that way for many reasons. And as for honeymoon, havent had one yet because my husbands finishing nuke school. First 2 weeks of being married i barely even saw him but thats just how things happened and i wouldnt change anything

[chelsjade17]

:)  and I mean, if a courthouse wedding is how it has to be, then I'll accept it because after all, the Navy is great but complicates things!  But, even though you're having a real church wedding later, you didn't feel weird just signing a paper and being married?

[mrschelsea]

yea i did feel weird just signing the paper and getting married. every little girl dreams of their wedding and mine sure wasnt just signing a paper. but it was easier to do that now so that we could move together and will be moving again in 2 months and he'll be deploying soon so now the Navy actually acknowledges my existence. Its easier for deployments, gives you time to save up money, and moves to do a courthouse wedding and hold off on the real ceremony even though it does kinda suck

[chelsjade17]

It's good to know all of these things!  Are you in married housing then?  And I mostly wonder, if I do get married and move all over with my sailor, will I feel alone?  Do you feel alone, not having friends or family around, or have you been making other good Navy Wife friends?

[mrschelsea]

Since were married we have the option for base housing but theres really no point since we dont have children, but he gets a little extra pay for being married. I grew up in a military family so i know just about everything but moving around alot (usually every 6 months to 2 years) i do feel alone. I havent started college yet so im pretty much home alone when hes at work, noone around to really hang out or talk to with. Ive met more friends online than fellow navy wives that live nearby. 

[chelsjade17]

That's what worries me :/ And also, thanks for bringing that up, COLLEGE!  I plan on going to community for the first two years and then transferring to a university for Dental Hygiene, but I also want to be with my sailor, and with constantly moving, I'm not sure what to do. 

[mrschelsea]

I plan to try to finish my college in 3 years, because transferring credits is a bitch. most dont which is stupid, thats why i put college off until we get to his next duty station because i know we'll be there for at least a year or two.

[Anti M]

I got married in a courthouse, we had a nice little service from the JoP.  We didn't dress up, but we could have, many couples too.  If God is everywhere, He can be in a courthouse just as well.  I'm not religious, so we chose the secular vows,  you can choose vows which fit in with your beliefs.  You can get the license, and if you've made prior arrangements, have a small church ceremony in a church in the county.  There is more than one way to get married on a dime and in a hurry.

Having the white wedding AND a honeymoon?  It isn't impossible, but you must be very patient, very flexible, and do not put down any deposits which are not refundable. You will probably have a long engagement.   Is he going to an A school?  Then he should get a week or two of leave after that training is complete.  What is his rate (job)?  You need to find out, then join the group for that, or for the location where his school is so you can get an idea of how long the training runs.  It is always longer than the stated seat time.

Once he gets to a ship, it is unlikely he can take leave during the first year, the guys who have been there longer get "first dibs".  Usually, there are always variations between commands.

Scroll down and read the wife vs. GF discussion.  There is more to being married than the sailor receiving a housing allowance for you.  (That is NOT "more pay", it is an allowance, which may not seem any different to you, but it is).  

A word about honeymoons:  No Mexico vacations or cruises, the entire country is off limits to sailors.  Period.

One last thought, you will eventually need money to set up your new apartment/home.  Getting a paid move from the Navy is tricky, so you will need a chunk of change to start married life, even if you do get into Navy housing.   The PAID FOR MOVE is a big reason to marry while he's in A school, that, and if he gets orders overseas as a single sailor, then marries while on leave, YOU AREN'T GOING OVERSEAS. Married sailors can get overseas orders, but the junior ones are less likely to do so.  You must be married before his orders are issued in order to get the benefits.

Just a lot of things to talk over with your sailor and your family.

[chelsjade17]

Thank you so much both mrschelsea and Anti M!  Anti M, he is currently in A School at Great Lakes, he'll be an E-4 in September and he's studying to be an ET.  We most likely will have a long engagement, but a wedding-courthouse or church, is not in the near future.  I'm just a senior in high school, and he's just starting out!  I hear of a lot of girls and their sailors getting married in A school because they say, "that's our only chance!" and I understand that it can seem tempting, but my sailor and I have decided to wait until we're at least 22 an 23.  I understand that getting married in a courthouse, given the circumstances of a military relationship, is probably the easiest thing to do, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see!

What did you and your sailor do?  Get married young, or wait?  You see, I know that I'm going to end up with my sailor (at least I hope!), so whether or not we decide to wait it should be fine, but I feel like I need to do some things for myself too!  He's off doing his thing, providing the best future for us and our future family as possible, but I want to contribute too.  I want to finish school and be able to have a job so that while he is deployed I'm not moping around at home with no goals or anything to do.  But, like you may have read earlier, trying to be with my sailor and going to college at the same time may be difficult.

What about your goals?  Your education?  Tell me! :)

[Anti M]

Sounds like a long engagement will be a very workable plan for you two.    Having goals and getting an education are good ideas, as well as knowing your own identity.  College doesn't have to be a one time thing, you can chip away at a degree if it gets interrupted.  My first degree (I have a couple) took from 1976 to graduation in 1991!  I got an associate's degree in 1981 to consolidate my early credits, and then I couldn't take many more classes.... because I joined the Navy and had to concentrate on that education.  LOL, I was an ET, that's a lot of learning right there.

I was older (30), and in the Navy myself, when I met the love of my life.  In fact, I was taking over his job as he was getting ready to transfer.  Both of us were divorced, and no, we hadn't married young on those marriages, just chose the wrong people.  We got engaged over the phone.  Our wedding was a quickie in Vegas when we were both on leave, which was darn difficult timing, as he was on a ship out of Japan, and I was on leave after coming off Diego Garcia (isolated island in the middle of the Indian Ocean).    It was get married or never see each other again.  I had gone to college before I joined the Navy, and finished my BS after I got out, at night, overseas on base as a dependent wife. He retired after 20 years, and that has been a blessing of Navy retiree benefits.   Next month we celebrate our 25th anniversary.  (I'm the old lady of the group, someone at the far end of the spectrum needs to be here too....)

[chelsjade17]

And am I so glad that you ARE here to help us newbees! :)  College plans seem to be in a jumble for me right now.  I know for certain that two years at community college are the plan right now, but we've talked a lot about moving together after I've finished those two years, and then having me start a college career wherever he is stationed.  I don't know, all that I know is that I want to be wherever he is.  

[Noemi(Ship 12, DIV 054)Colin<3]

I'm doing a real wedding, after getting married at the court house. We just think its easier cuz he would be leaving across the country and it would be really hard to plan a wedding with out him. So we want to get married next month and in a few months get married at church. . .