Is it possible to just have one REAL wedding?

[chelsjade17]

I've been thinking about this a lot, just because I AM a girl and think about getting married all of the time and, is it possible for my sailor and I to just have ONE REAL wedding?  It wouldn't be for a couple of years, but I often hear that what most couples do is just head to a courthouse, get legally married, and then wait to do a big wedding later.  As much as I would love to be married to my sailor either way, and it WILL be easier once that happens, I don't want a courthouse wedding.  I want a wedding in a church, under God, surrounded by friends and family.  And I want it to happen ONCE and for it to be special.  So, ladies, who have done both, done the courthouse, or really have been able to just have that big wedding, tell me about it!  Also, is a honeymoon possible?  

Thank you!

Love, Chelsey Jade <3

[MaryP]

I am 21, and my boyfriend is almost 22. I'm in my last semester of college right now, and will have my BA in May. My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half now, he's only been in the Navy since last April, and is still in Groton for FT training. He finds out his first port in the first week of March, and will be there by middle of April. Once I graduate, I'm moving to where that port is. We plan on being engaged soon. Anyways, how easy is it for an E-3 to live off base when not being married?

[Anti M]

Not impossible, but he will not be given any kind of housing allowance, he will be responsible for upkeeping his barracks room or assigned berthing, and he still has to always 100% be on time and make every muster.  Financially, it can be a real hardship, as it all comes out of pocket.  E-3s don't make much, and if his homeport in a high cost area, it will be tough.

To live offbase as a single sailor, and receive BAH, he must be an E-5.

[aecallis]

I am so happy you posted this!! I am a Navy fiancé and I told my sailor that I will not settle for a courthouse wedding. I grew up, dreaming of a white dress, my father walking me down the aisle, a pastor officiating, and a reception to follow and celebrate. So that's what I'm getting! My sailor talked to the right people and they said he could get approved for a wedding this September so he out in his leave chit. You shouldn't have to lower your standards- wait it out until your dreams come true. I told him I would wait til he got out of the Navy if I had to, if that's what it took to have my fairytale wedding! Our date is set for September 15 and he deploys a month after. We are waiting til after deployment to have our honeymoon because we figured after 7-8 months of being apart, a week ALONE together would be amazing. Good luck!! Message me if you want to talk more!

[chelsjade17]

That's great!  I'm so happy for you!  Unfortunately, we're not at the point in our relationship where we can start planning where a wedding might fit in-we've still got a ways to go! :)  But I truly believe that it can happen!  He's going for Officer as well, so I might have A WHILE of waiting.  Best of luck to you and your sailor!

[Jo (Wife of an ET Radioman)]

I suddenly feel like the only female on the planet who has never dreamed of a white dress, father down the aisle, so on and so forth. I can see the appeal, but it's definitely going to be awkward and uncomfortable for me, as a bride! :p

Best of luck to the two of you!

[Jo (Wife of an ET Radioman)]

ugh, honestly I'd rather just have the courthouse "wedding" and be done with it, but he wants more of the traditional stuff. I think doing it the "navy" way will be a good compromise in the long run. 

Let me tell you, planning a wedding (with or without the "special" ceremony) without him right next to you will be INSANE. I've barely started and already my mind has melted. lol.

[chelsjade17]

I've had this wedding planned since I was 5.  I'll be okay ;)

[Jo (Wife of an ET Radioman)]

Hahaha. What you want is what you have planned. How that'll work out in reality is something else entirely. :p

Make sure you ask about refundable deposits on EVERYTHING (catering, venue, etc. etc. etc.). As I'm sure you're learning, nothing in the Navy is set in stone. That's what I'm having the hardest time with--finding venues that I like that are flexible!

[chelsjade17]

I'll bet! 

[hk1853]

We're going to be a couple waiting for awhile!!! I want one wedding, even if it's small or simple, I only want one. And I am def not compromising, this girl is going on one hell of a honeymoon haha! I don't mind waiting, I have my own life and I don't need the benefits so it's not a big deal to me right now. I'm contented as a gf for awhile :). Oh, also I'm done with my bachelors but even trying to weigh jobs and moving around is a lot. Thinking about taking a job down in charlotte, I figure it'll be closer to Charleston where I can at least see him on the weekends, and it's a good opportunity anyway. I just can't keep jumping around though, so I would be down there awhile.

[Fur&FeathersDVM]

My husband and I had a huge church wedding (200+ guests) as well as a week long honeymoon in the Carribean. He had the week before the wedding off as well and the week after our honeymoon. We had to schedule not only around his underways/deployments but also my veterinary school schedule which is completely inflexible and so I had only certain times we could have the wedding. Our engagement was about a year and a half long. We scheduled it by talking to his chain of command well ahead of time and asking them what date would work with their schedule. They suggested we do it around Christmas because they try not to send ships out for underways for training purposes right around Christmas. It was also five months before their scheduled deployment, so we had a little bit of wiggle room in case of a date change on the deployment (which it did, six times). He didn't take any leave for the year before it in exchange for getting so much time off for the wedding. We also did it with the understanding that at any time, we might have to cancel the wedding and/or honeymoon. We didn't book anything that was not refundable (every single vendor we worked with had a military clause written into their contract so that we would get all of our money back or could pick a new date, and we got traveler's insurance on everything for the honeymoon). We are both religious and while a courthouse wedding is perfect for many people, it was not for us just because of our personal beliefs. So if a big wedding is what you want, yes, you can do it, you just need to be ready for a possible cancellation at the last minute and have to be patient :) and remember that leave can always be canceled and he can always be recalled while on leave, so you have to be prepared for that possibility.  My husband and I still don't live together- I have 16 more months of veterinary school and I'll have my doctorate so since he's on sea duty we agreed to keep living in separate states so I could finish. It works for us and it makes me especially glad that we were able to have our big day since we don't have a lot of "every day" moments to spend together. :) I will say though- planning the wedding with me being in school several hours from where the wedding was and him in another state (and out to sea for about 75% of our engagement) did not make it a picnic lol and I was relieved when it was over!!

My husband has been in for about 3 years now and during that time we've been to or been invited to 10 "big weddings" of other active duty navy guys on sea duty- so we're not the only ones making it work. :) (although two of those had to be rescheduled... so that does happen too!).  good luck with whatever you decide! :)

[chelsjade17]

Oh my goodness!!! Thank you for your comment!  That's awesome, I think waiting is probably a good option for me! :)