Ready to Throw in the Towel...

[MySailorIsAwesome]

Seriously, maybe I'm just venting, but I'm ready to call it quits.

 

LPO Awesome has really changed since going to San Antonio for A school and I'm not happy about it. He's simply a different, inconsiderate person that I no longer know anymore. One minute he's begging me to visit, the next, I don't hear from him.

 

I understand that he's busy with training, LPO duties and that his family lives in San Antonio, but I've been nothing but supportive. Even sent him an Edible Arrangment to Fralish after we had an argument because I know the guys are under stress to pass. However, I refuse to invest my emotions, time, resources (travel to SA from DC is NOT cheap) under these circumstances. I DO have options and love means action, not his "I'm sorry I've been an a*shole..." lip service.

 

I've consistently put my 110% into this, and feel he's got to undertsand that he's NOT an 18 year old recruit fresh from BC. He's a 30 year old man! And if he can't figure out how to deal with a short 3-4 month separation during training, God help us when his orders are cut for the next duty station...he could be stationed anywhere! So many times I hear the guys grousing about being abandoned by their GFs, fiancees and wives because of being away, but now I'm starting to wonder how much did the SAILORS contribute to the breakdown of their own relationships. It's got to be a two-way street, not just all about his naval career, but about both lives being together despite the challenges. Ugh...

 

Has anyone else had to deal with the Jekyll & Hyde thing? I won't be dealing with it long...my patience is short.

*deep breath*

[mrschelsea]

hi,

i know how you feel and i think every girl gets the feeling to throw in the towel. But try to take a deep breathe, and calmly think about everything. Ive had the same feelings with my husband (we live together now so things are alot better). But there have been times when i get frustrated and feel like hes inconsiderate. LIke first two weeks of being married we rarely even saw each other and if we did he was on videogames, but you also have to remember they are under so much stress to pass everything they need too. When i was feeling like he was inconsiderate i just sat down and talked to him about it. Good luck (: if you need anything feel free to message me

[MySailorIsAwesome]

Appreciate your response Girly!

He got to SA right after Thanksgiving and was holding until they started classes on 9 January. He's had PLENTY of down time so that's no excuse. I actually understand the stress factor. Uniquely, I'm in a position to help him with HM courses through additional materials, advice (eg. my friends are senior navy, a military researcher with DoD and another senior level critical global response medicine at CDC) and my former international clinical research background. Literally, LPO Awesome has way more resources at his disposal than most sailors through my network. But more important, he has my sincere devotion and caring (eg. sent gift,letters,etc).

 

HOWEVER...

 

It's being taken for granted. I'm fine not seeing him for a defined period of time. I'm not fine with the lack of communication and "busy" excuses. There's cell, email, FB etc and I know he's gone out some weekends (which is good for him). So he's got 10-15 minutes in his day if he can go out to eat, see the family in Hill Country etc. I'm making a decision on this very shortly.

[mrschelsea]

i understand exactly what your saying with the fb and email stuff. good luck sweetie

[Anti M]

A thought.... if you do all the work, he has no reason to do any himself.  Go on strike.

[MySailorIsAwesome]

AntiM you are always the voice of no BS lol :o)

 

I did go on strike but it took him two weeks to get the nerve to call me after his "toddler tantrum" that caused me to go on strike in the first place.

 

I expected him to shape up or "ship out", so I gave him the boot tonight. I'm over it.

 

[meagan5220]

OH GIRL! let me tell you! My husband tried this a little in a school and even though I hear all the time dont stress them out let them work out their emotions, blah blah lol I am not patient. needless to say I had a mini.. semi major breakdown and just laid it all out for him. I expected at least a call once a day.. even for 10 seconds to say I love you. I knew he would be sitting around in his barracks or just hangin out its not too hard to text me and say what are you doing? I mean I was going to school full time (18 hours) and two part time jobs working a total of 45-55 hours a week, tryin to graduate a semester early, set up a move, find a place to live at our next duty station, dealing with moving away from everyone and many job opportunities bc of his last second decision to join the navy... etc. so for him to try to tell me he was stressed was a bad idea. lol I ranted, raved, yelled, and just let it all out.. he was quiet for a second then said I am so sorry. What do I need to change and what can I do on our to do list. He also stopped tellin me stuff that needed to be done and instead figured out if he could do it himself or not or needed my advice, help, etc. I admit every so often we get into our rutts again bc I tend to be a control freak as well and take over but we usually work it out and get back trucking. Sometimes I have to remind him that just bc he thinks about how much he loves me doesnt mean I can read his mind at that moment. I hope it gets better. I agree with Anti M too. make him do some work!

[MySailorIsAwesome]

Right! I'm working too hard and him... not enough. Dating is dress rehersal for marriage. If this is an inkling of his behavior and what he's offering, I'm leaving now.

 

I've got a stressful, results-driven career, my family to look after, etc among other things. But my time and effort is contingent on him holding up his end of things too.

 

They've got more time and opporunities for fun then they let on, so I'm not buying the "I'm so busy, don't stress me" BS. Especially since he's 30 years old and has been to college already. Granted, you don't get maced in the face at college lol. I tell him all the time, don't let the attitudes and BS of those 18 year old recruits influence you, you're way older and should be helping them figure out their rear-ends from their foreheads. And don't listen to the Bitter Bobs on their 8th marriages either - clearly they're not models of relationship success.

 

Appreciate the advice Ma'am! *hug*

[Kim]

I agree with mrs. chelsea, They are under alot of stress. As military wives girl friends we have to sacrafice alot. Every time we move we have to find new friends new jobs and most important support our sailors. It's a hard life although if you really love him you will stick by him through the good and the bad. When my husband became chief he was not nice his head swelled. Communication is key. I had to learn not to nag and be able to tell him when I was upset in a kind way. It really helped our mariage. I wish you the best. You do have to be happy also.

[MySailorIsAwesome]

An update ladies....

 

LPO (Not) Awesome was not busy...he was CHEATING!

 

Specifically, he's cheating with a 19 year old from Guam. My sister found out through Facebook...ugh! He still thinks I don't know about it...smh.

[meagan5220]

Sorry to hear that!! I hope you find someone that treats you right! Doesnt cheat and makes you the happiest girl in the world! you deserve it!  HUGS

 

oh and I hope he gets what he deserves!!!

[samantha2014 (AMAA, CA)]

I guess you had the instinct thing going on when you started this post!! A woman always knows. I am sorry to hear that he cheated on you though. I hope everything works out for you.

[Ashley10]

I was reading through this post, and was like you know I kind of felt the same when my SO went to SA school. It's like I went from being in the passenger seat to being in the backseat. There were days where I didn't hear from him and everything along those lines and he had time in his day to call me, because when I would talk to him I'd ask what he has been doing for the last couple of days besides school and he would always tell me 'oh we sat around and played the PS3 or went to the local hookah lounge... I was PO'd... I even told him about it... and explained that if he was deployed, I get that he won't be able to call every single day BUT he was 6 hours away from me and couldn't call?

Even a phone call for like 5 minutes was better than NOT talking to him...

I even let the thought of him possibly cheating wander through my mind (and sometimes I still do- but try not to dwell on it)

Then the last week of his SA school was HORRIBLE- no calls hardly at all or texts... and then when he would respond he would be out at the bar or a club.. or something (we had a mutual agreement btw to make sure its ok with each other before we go out)

 

He came home like the last week of January and things have slowly become better... We are now preparing for deployment so the stress is back on and they have him working CRAZY hours so we're back to the I hear from him sometimes through out the day or what not... so I guess we will see how things go...

 

However, when I was reading through your post and the responses, I decided I wanted to rant about my SA experience with my boyfriend and then I seen your revalation of him cheating on you, WHICH is absolutely NOT acceptable in any what so ever way and you deserve someone who will treat you with respect and NOT play high school games...

Hope all works out for you hun!!!!!