Girlfriend vs. Wife

[alyson_lynn]

Right now I am a girlfriend of a Sailor. We have been together for about two years and we know this is permanent. We have talked about marriage before, and it is definitely going to happen. What kind of things change when you are a Navy Wife instead of a Navy Girlfriend? Do they have less time on sea and more time on shore? Are they more stationary and stationed more closer to you? All the pros and cons that you guys can come up with in this Girlfriend vs. Wife debate I would love to know. Any personal experience would be great too. 

Thanks!

[FC3Platfoot's Wifey]

BIG SUGGESTION--- Your Sailor will come home with packets of papers and give you a short summary of whats on it...Be wise and read it for yourself because usually those papers state changes made to rules and such... =)

[Anti M]

Bumping this for those with questions about being a Navy spouse.

[sailorwifenmom]

I agree with the other ladies.  Anti M hit it on the head.

Basically, the "short answer" is that as a military girlfriend, no matter how much you love each other, how long you've been together, or if you live together, as far as the military is concerned, you don't exist.  No ID, no medical, no commissary or exchange use, no base access, you will have limited (or, in some cases, it's a command by command thing), limited access to the command Ombudsman (which is going to be your official link to the command, which is a huge resource especially when they're gone), you won't get housing, you won't be able to be on his orders to accompany him, depending on paygrade he won't be authorized to live off base (for example, many bases say E-3 and below have to live in the barracks or on the ship unless they have a spouse), IF he is authorized to live off base, he will only get BAH at single rates (and the diff between married and single can be hundreds...), and you won't get Family Sep pay when he's deployed (which is about $250 a month, after they've been gone for 30 days).

Once you're married, you become "official" and you now "exist" in the eyes of the military, and you get many more benefits - several of which I mentioned above as things you don't get as a girl friend.

However, as Anti M said, the biggest reason to get married is love.  It's just not a good idea to be one of those couples who say "well, we love each other, so we don't need a piece of paper to prove our commitment" sort of thing. 

[lyssarie]

My SR and I want to get married also, but I'm curious to know if I would HAVE to move with him. I am still in school, and want to finish without transferring. Then, for my next degree I have my heart set on a specific school here at home. Plus, I'd like to still be close to our families- and just find a way to go visit him regularly wherever he may be.
Does anyone know if I could stay "home"? If collecting BAH and him living on base is the problem, do we HAVE to get BAH, or can we wait until we are ready to move me?

[Anti M]

Bumping this up for our new members..... hope it helps.

[lexievelyn8179]

Yeah, when my fiance joined the navy, this was one of the first things I asked his recruiter since we weren't engaged at the time. His mom wanted us to wait until after his first semester (I think it's still called) of A school to get married, but since this would be the *only* way I would be able to move up to A-school with him, we managed to convince her and plan a wedding in less than 6 months time in order to have some time together before he is shipped off to basic.

I know they are going to pay for my move up to Goose Creek, and I'm pretty sure they pay for all the other Navy sanctioned relocations as well. This is in addition to all of the other perks mentioned as well.

As for HAVING to move with him, I don't really know. I think I heard somewhere that he'll get HIS BAH, and you are allowed a separation pay if you don't live together, but I'm not sure on that so don't quote me on it.

[Anti M]

The BAH is for the family member, the sailor is supposed to turn it over.  I've had spouses tell me they lived apart during school and had no problems, others got told they had to move within a fixed time period.  I think a school command may have different guidelines than a permanent duty station.  The family separation pay is quite low, about $250 a month (off the top of my head).  The Navy houses him, but they never pay for two residences.

[meagan5220]

yea Family sep is 250$ right now :) I have been told the only time the spouse can get BAH for where they reside is if the sailor is doing geo-bach and that they have tightened the restrictions on it and approving people for it. Idk if thats true.

[Anti M]

I'm beginning to think it is.  If a spouse can't move because they aren't on the training orders, or overseas, it is fine.  But the spouse who stays behind for school for more than a semester, in an area where the BAH is higher and there is housing available where the sponsor is, then it starts looking a whole lot like fraud.  I don't know how they deal with moving back home while the ship is deployed, but I do know the less you change your location for BAH, the fewer chances PSD has to screw up your pay.  

[Angie]

In some places if the spouse doesn't move with the Sailor, and they can, the Sailor lives in open bay berthing.  That would suck! 

 

 

[meagan5220]

thats what I was thinking too.  and Angie that certainly would suck! bleh!!

[Angie]

"HAVING to move with him"  ummm if you are married don't you want to live with your spouse?  The way you worded yours post...sounds like fraud is in the works.