So relieved right now...

[AshleySuperfly]

So, I was literally going to post a topic tonight for help because it's been over 2 weeks since my boyfriend deployed and I hadn't heard from him...no e-mail, facebook...nothing.  We've only been dating about 3 months and I was worried that he just was not going to contact me and I dunno, just silly stuff.  I've never been in a military relationship before and although we've known each other since high school, we'd been dating such a short amount of time, I thought he'd changed his mind about me.  What weird things that go through your mind in a long distance relationship...and I miss him like CRAZY.

Anyway, today, I got a facebook chat from him and we got to talk on and off for a couple hours.  I'm so relieved.  He said he missed me and as soon as he's in port where he has free time, he'll skype/tango me.  

Do you guys get these silly thoughts in your head, or is it just me because it's still such a new relationship?  How often can you really expect to hear from those deployed?  He's an Electronics Technician so I'm sure he's pretty crazy busy and this is his first deployment, so I can only imagine he gets stuff with doing like EVERYTHING haha  

Any encouragement and advice will help.  I LOVE this forum.  :-)

[meagan5220]

I am glad you got to hear from him! It can take some time for them to get their email set up. I know for my husband's ship before they got an email they had to do some internet rules thing. Like where someone had to talk to them about the guidelines for internet usage (some ships are stricter than others).

 

As far as how often you can hear from them.. it can be anywhere from everyday to weeks. I always tell girls I am friends with to never judge their communication based on someone else's. You will always be disappointed. there will always be someone that talks to their SO more. Like a lee b said it will vary based on the computer access he has, what all work they have to do, if he gets assigned Temp duty (cranking as they call it) then he might have more or less access to a computer. Also if they are on days or nights. I know that is not probably the answer you want to hear but there is no set in stone answer.

 

Deployment can either strengthen your faith and trust in each other or break it. I know its hard but try not to let the negative thoughts like he doesnt care for you anymore sneak into your mind. Try to use it to build your relationship instead of pull it down! :) I get upset sometimes if I feel like he is brushing me off. but I have to remind myself that he is overworked, tired, hunrgy, and bored of the monotony. Its not that he doesnt love me. He is just overwhelmed.

[sailorwifenmom]

Something else to keep in mind, sometimes they will take all the communication down for the ship - no emails from anyone going out, so it could be weeks before anyone hears from their Sailors.  There are lots of reasons that they do this, it does NOT automatically mean that there's a problem or that you need to worry.

Sometimes they will do it because they found out that there were too many people violating OPSEC (and that includes all the cute little "codes" that people come up with to try to pass info back and forth to each other... trust me, as a person who was military intel and who has a husband and son both in Navy intel, breaking these codes are NOT as hard as people think.  We spy on the enemy, looking for chinks in their armor like this, and they do the same to us...).

They will also take it down because of system problems - their network crashes, some gear breaks with their servers, etc.

Sometimes it will be because they have specific, sensitive operations going on, and sometimes they will just do it for no reason, so that the enemy can't track when the comms go down and use that to determine when something big is about to start.

It really is random! 

Also, keep in mind, facebook is actually not authorized on most Navy ships, so if he's able to communicate with you that way at all, then you're already pretty lucky :-)  

[meagan5220]

yea I worry about the codes people use. Bc I know a lot of wives use codes, we were actually even encouraged by the ombudsmans, and the OPSEC guy to use codes. I know most of them are not going to be hard to break.

 

I agree with them shutting down communication randomly My husbands ship does it alot. Sometimes they even do it for no reason at all. Just to keep anyone watching on their toes. :) My husbands ship was also playing war games apparently one underway... the other ship missed hitting the broad side of a carrier and managed to hit the internet stuff with the laser instead.. thus communication was down for about 5-7 days until they could fix it lol!

 

My husbands ship cant be on facebook, the whole strike group cant be on facebook because of the rules for his carrier. But people do get on facebook but I know if they get caught they will shut down communication for the entire ship. (if Facebook isnt allowed)

[AshleySuperfly]

Thank you so much, this was incredibly helpful!  And I agree, I wasn't sure if facebook was allowed, but it seems to be ok.  Maybe it's just the chat that's allowed?  I know sometimes you can have chat for facebook that isn't attached to actual facebook.  That's all we did.  Anyway, it's good to know that it is different for everyone because I sure was like "Why are people getting emails daily and I can't get one email a week?!"  

As far as code talk...I haven't been a Navy GF long enough to even know codes, much less talk in them! haha

[meagan5220]

:) yea it would depend on what ship he is on. but he should know the rules for his ship they probably went over it with him. I know some ships do allow it. But if the ship doesnt allow facebook it doent allow any aspect of facebook. My husband cant get on a lot of sites on his ship. Even youtube is blocked. Yea it will vary based on his job, also if he is new to the ship he might be doing some indoc classes. My husband had to do some when they went out to sea the first time after he got on. It was about 2 months after he got there but they had to wait til they were out to sea.

 

lol oh its an individual code everyone makes up their own. But tbh My husband and I dont have a set one. If he really needs to tell me something he tells me in a way that he knows I will get but no one else would get unless they knew our personal life. and he rarely if ever tells me anything over email bc that can get their account shut down if they are caught. but my husband will say something that he knows I can figure out usually we use important dates to us.. that for other people they wouldnt know. and even then he will just say oh its close to such and such. so not even specific

[AshleySuperfly]

Thanks, girl!  I'm so glad I'm not the only one in this boat (...no pun intended ;))  It's tough, but some days, I just have to put my mind somewhere else.  I actually cried when I saw a message from him yesterday and now I feel a million times better.  Just 7 1/2 more months until I see him again :-)

[kldelatorre2011]

My husband left in November he comes home very soon this is his first deployment he left 2 weeks after we got married... I have found that communication is hard but I have a close friend who's husbands on the same ship so I get most info from her she's been doing this for awhile :) I go through the same stuff thinking he loves me less or I'm going to loose him I realize at later point it's not like that. My advice is find navy wives that are on the same ship you find stuff out a little more and there more helpful :)) glad you heard from him :)) what ship if u don't mind me asking

[AshleySuperfly]

I would LOVE to find some other girls with boys on the same ship...esp. If their guys have done this many times before. :-). He's on the USS New York! :-)

[kldelatorre2011]

My husbands on the USS Carl Vincent :)

[Angie]

I feel like I am in the same situation at the moment, and those thoughts are running through my head. I know this is going to be a tough road, just because there really aren't a lot of people in my life who know what I am going through...mentally and emotionally.

His last deployment was a little different time in our life, as we have always remained friends, we weren't dating or even talking on a daily basis. Since then, we have progressed into a much deeper and meaningful relationship. We have always had a long distance relationship, even when we were young (I have known him since we were nearly 12 years old). I even traveled to visit him at his last home port, and since then he has received new orders and is stationed overseas. He has been there for a month, and he has already gone underway once and started his official deployment recently. 

Before he left, we were able to spend a lot of quality time together. I miss his affection, our discussions, all down to merely just him holding my hand. We also talked on the phone every single day. Now, I feel empty, and I constantly have my phone by me hoping to get that one call or that long awaited e-mail that seems like days and days to get here. 

Sometimes I fear that this time not talking he will forget about me at sea, but I try to knock that thought out of my head and tell myself its just crazy. We have such a deep connection, and I have to remember to rely on that. Thrive off of the memories, and the anticipation leading up to the next time I get to FaceTime with him or that moment I go and visit and I am in his arms again. 

Even just writing this, has brought me to nearly tears. I miss him dearly, and can't wait until he is back although I am so proud of him for what he does!

[jazzelle29]

Hey Ashley, 

I began dating my guy a week before he left on deployment-I have terrible timing lol! Since he left on the Lincoln I have had numerous dramas! I returned back to England (where I am originally from) too! 

Nearly five months on and we are still in touch. Right now I'd say that my nightly emails are more like keeping a journal than communication...although about once a week or so I get a reply lol! What I do realize is that although he hasn't got time to respond to each email, he does read all of them and appreciates getting them very very much. I haven't been able to speak with him on the phone since I left the States.

This whole experience has been a real opportunity for personal growth for me. Usually in a relationship I am fairly controlling and clingy! Well...not anymore!! I have had to overcome that pretty darn quick! The whole situation means that all I have to rely on is my ability to trust, to communicate my feelings effectively, to realize that this isn't just all about me, me, me; to learn that God has a plan...and I cannot control everything (darn it)!

OK I could give him hell about not emailing every day, or not calling, but as he said..."good luck with that...I'm either too damn busy or too damn tired".

My thinking is that if he and I can get through this, then we will be stronger as a result. I am 34 this year, have been in a couple of long term relationships in the past, and I am happy to wait this whole thing out, to see how it goes, because I believe that my sailor is a good guy, with a kind heart and an ability to deal with life in a mature and capable way.

I was also a Police officer for several years, and can appreciate that when they are on that boat, they assume a different attitude, mind set and coping strategy from their day to day persona. As a cop with a civilian parter I used to be a different person when I was at work, compared to being back home and in hindsight that probably was very challenging for that poor guy I used to date.

So, I just practice my patience (another great new quality lol) and appreciate the times he can email chat, and look forward to seeing him as and when the boat gets in. 

So, hang in there, stay positive, use this as an opportunity to grow and develop and learn to appreciate the simple things in life...oh and be very glad that they even have phones and email etc...even 10 or 15 years ago that would not have been an option :)

O