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Sailors being bad influence?

My sailor and I have been together for 3 years now. We have been pretty happy together and were planning a future together. I currently live in WA. He is in SC. A little while ago he asked me if I would move to SC and marry him. I wanted to really badly but was worried about leaving my alcoholic parents. He was hurt I wouldn't do it I could tell and ended up shutting down. He spent more time with friends in A School and they all convinced him he should just leave me.

He did and now they are telling him to ignore me and do all this stuff. I, of course was torn apart. I am working on the situation with my parents and am getting help with it. Just hoping he will see my effort and come back.

I guess I was just wondering if there were any one else out there who had a similar situation?

1 member likes this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by sammy on May 9, 2012 at 4:19pm

I have found that these guys will influence each other to make decisions. They make a special bond with each other, they are all away from family and friends and all that they have is each other. They become like their own family and lean on each other for advice. He probably let it show that he was very hurt by this and may be harboring feelings that you just dont want to marry him. He may have only expressed those feelings to his friends and not they entire situation. I have not been in a similar sitaution to this, however my husband was influenced by his peers to 'drink' and 'act' a certain way when he was around them. It got on my nerves but it all went back to that 'bond' They are afterall, trusting each other with their lives. I just delt with it, but i let him know it was annoying. A lot of these guys are single and don't know what its like to be in a relationship. I hope that your boyfriend can understand what you are trying to do is sort things out at home before you just abruptly move. If he can't, it will be his loss because you obviously seem like a caring person.

Permalink Reply by tori&tyler on May 9, 2012 at 4:38pm

Thank you. I am trying. I hope he will see that.

Permalink Reply by Nellz15 on May 9, 2012 at 6:21pm

just one of the many reasons why i hate A-school

Permalink Reply by MySailorIsAwesome on May 9, 2012 at 6:32pm

Well LuvMySailor, your boyfriend roomie might be my ex-boyfriend (PD) who cheated on me with a girl in Fralish and just married her. Such a fiasco! But according to him, even before he classed up, he had no time to socialize, couldn't go off base, had no free time for me to visit etc. But he had time to listen to his "ffriends", go to hotel parties with underage drinking that the cops busted, went out all the time, and had time to cheat on me and marry the girl just 2.5 months after meeting her. He's 30, she's 19 and my sister found out via FB. He lied about it for 3 months! A little PSA for all you ladies out there. If he's acting strngely etc, time to reevalute your relationship. I'm well rid of such a person, trust me!

Permalink Reply by tori&tyler on May 10, 2012 at 1:07am

Thank you guys! I hated feeling so alone! He isn't even acting like himself, he is acting so weird. I know he is feeling the heat with all the tests he is getting. Maybe once they end and he goes somewhere away from those dicks he calls friends he will realize his mistake

Permalink Reply by Anti M on May 10, 2012 at 10:59am

Nukes in one class go through the entire program together... about two years. And then they get stationed on the same ships. So these "dicks" will be his shipmates for some time.

An opinion which you probably won't like: Unless you commit to him rather than your parents' problems with alcohol (which only they can solve, not you, face it, that's the first thing taught in AA and Al-anon), he won't consider you his life partner. Proximity counts, and he's close in proximity to his friends, not to you. Not that getting married would solve these issues, you both have a lot of work to do, and it doesn't sound like he's willing to concentrate on more than his training just now.

Only you can only control your actions and reactions. He will do what he wants, and he'd do so no matter what his friends say.

You're stuck in a hard place. I hope you can work it out for the best.

Permalink Reply by MySailorIsAwesome on May 9, 2012 at 6:34pm

Chica, I'm so sorry you're going through this...I've been there. *hug* I detest A school and the fratty immaturity that's tolerated (or encouraged) there.

Permalink Reply by Angie on May 10, 2012 at 10:04am

Think a second here...if you told a guy no to marring him...of course he is going to back off...odds are he doesn't think your relationship is going to go anywhere.

Also regarding everyone bashing the military and saying they don't support marriages and everything...if that is how you feel than WHY do you want to be (or are) a military spouse?

Permalink Reply by Nellz15 on May 10, 2012 at 10:44am

maybe we care about our hubbies?

Permalink Reply by Anti M on May 10, 2012 at 2:51pm

This is one of the greatest fears of the SO left behind, that their loved one will move on. There are many happy endings, but there are also many broken hearts. It is a test in so many ways, and while we all have had so many different experiences, and we can draw conclusions, it is impossible to tell how an individual couple will come through.

It is also very difficult to be positive all the time when you've seen one too many failed relationships. I know my opinions don't always come across well online!