What do I do? Is he cheating?

[celinamae]

My hubby is in A-School in San Antonio to become a corpsman. We've been kind of going through some emotions lately and today he admitted to me that he was flirting with a girl in the air force and he said she was loose and that never cheated on me and but he had been talking to her online and he promised he would stop talking to her. This absolutely killed me inside to hear him say this to me. Any words of wisdom? Advice? Help. Help me cope please. God Bless you all.

[Tiffany51908]

I dont really know what to say here but i will try to give you a little perspective based on my own experiences. First of all, A school is a tough time to get through. My fiance just graduated in April so i remember it well. We have never had trust issues but i did worry about this issue because it is very common. Thank God nothing like this ever happened but if it did, I would probably not be able to handle it. 

Here is the difference. You are married which means for better or worse. As hard as it may be to forgive someone for flirting or cheating, if you have it in you, you need to forgive him and move on because if you dwell on it, your relationship will completley fall apart.

I think that the fact that he told you he was flirting counts for something too. Perhaps his conscience was getting to him?

Just a little word of advice, i heard that its the fellow military girls that you have to look after (not strippers or prostitutes like stereotypes have it)

Ultimately only you know your husband and your relationship for what it truly is. Is he being different? Is he being distant? Do you feel like he is cheating on you? Is he the type of man who is capable of stepping out on you? If so confront him and do not settle for less than you are worth!!

I wish you and your husband the best!

[Angie]

"i heard that its the fellow military girls that you have to look after (not strippers or prostitutes like stereotypes have it)"  This comment here is why most military women don't like military spouses!  Just wait....I was left behind on a deployment due to an injury and saw the ship off...the wifes and gf's where all dressed up nice to see thier other halfs off..well I went out to the bar that night and I saw those same women out getting drunk all over the men in the bar flirting and I am sure there was more going on...so if you are going to say for someone to watch out for the military women....than I am also going to say that Sailors need to watch out for their wifes and gfs when they deploy as they are all getting their freak on when they are gone.

 

IF you don't like my comment...than think a second about the comment you made dissing the military women..those comments like that are what makes wifes worry more when they are away from their spouses.

 

The person that she needs to worry about is her husband!  Even if some naked lady was right in front of him bent over, HE should be able to control himself..

 

[meagan5220]

AMEN!!! I get angry by that too Angie and I didnt even join the service, thought about it but didn't fit my life! BUT in this situation no matter what why do women choose to blame the other woman!? Even if she knows he was married, yea kick her ass BUT he made the promise to you she didnt! Not to say I havent heard of woman sailors hitting on married men AND vice versa!!! BUT I have also heard of wives cheating and of sailors cheating in ports witttth you got it local women! You have to remember for two sailors to hook up they have to both risk getting in trouble for a sailor to cheat with a civilian one person risks getting in trouble. So what do you think will happen more.

 

stereotypes are just that stereotypes! I swear if I hear one more time "Oh.... you are a Navy wife... so what do you do for sex when he is gone!" Imma rip someones head off.

[Anti M]

LOL, Meagan, rip their heads off indeed!

I agree, the comment was not helpful and the stereotypes undermine all women, wives and active duty alike.  YES, it is on the man to control himself.

However, it is true the if he's going to lose interest in his spouse and not take steps to strengthen his love and commitment to his wife, he can find intelligent, fit, funny women working nearby.  Military women are not a threat just because they are military, nor because they are predatory, but because they are there.  That makes it up to the man to not let working friendships become anything more than just mutual respect, to never lead a female into thinking there is anything between her and him.  That his interest in his wife comes first and foremost.

[meagan5220]

lol oops I didnt mean to rip their heads off. just get frustrated in general lol. haha I just had someone I sort of know tell me that her husband cheated and instead of being mad at him she was going on about this "whore" I just wanted to smack her and tell her she needed to be mad at him more than anything but she doesnt want to hear that! but I guess I let it out here instead lol! Wasnt meaning to be rude to anyone!! So I hope I didnt upset anyone! lol

[Anti M]

I wasn't offended!  

You should hear what my husband's ex calls me... whore would be the nicest word.  Funny, I'd gotten smart about being lied to by married men, and insisted he show me the divorce papers he'd filed before getting serious with him!  I still am blamed for breaking them up, but I showed up just after he decided he wanted no part of being married to her.  She didn't even think I was a real person at first, that I was a story he'd made up and he'd go back to her.  

[meagan5220]

haha my husband ex best friend called me a whore bc he thought we were somehow going to end up together even though I had told him sooo many times before my husband and I were even dating we never would! Apparently he thought I was playing hard to get lol!

 

haha thats funny! She is just bitter! lol

 

I agree! I am suppperr careful, lol well I was lol now I am married hahaha!! but I before I got with my husband I ended up finding out one guy I was dating had a long time gf. But man he actually hid it really well and she allowed it! He wouldnt friend her on fb or put he was in a relationship or have any pictures posted of her, she couldnt call him, she could text but no calls unless he called her first. She lived 2 hours away he never went to visit her... in fact thinking back Idk why she was with him! I found out when I got a text from his phone bc his friend had told her on her first weekend to visit him in like 4 months and she text me to ask me! oh I felt horrible! I mean we had kissed once but still! I tried to talk her out of it but she gave him another chance!  

[abuon18]

like Meagan said... amen!

[meagan5220]

TBH Idk what I would do about that. I would freak out on my husband. IMO its cheating. flirting in passing with a stranger some people claim is human nature BUT getting online and flirting with someone that he calls loose, not ok!! My husband would be having a rought time getting back from that one!! I dont play games if he doesnt want to be with me fine I will leave. I would be having a serious heart to heart with him. About first off what your expectations of the marriage is while he is away for both of you. and let him know just how much it hurt you! AND he has got to earn that trust back if you decide to give it! Just saying ah ok and letting it slide will let him think that you arent going to do anything so maybe it doesnt upset you or he could maybe get away with something else. Yea Men can be like children. HUGS girl. Stand up and tell him how you feel about it and make sure he knows he better not ever let it happen again. My husband knows if he ever cheated on me one time it would be over. Make sure he knows that you are serious with whatever you tell him you are feeling about that. AND dont let him make you feel like its your fault. He made the wrong choice in that situation. Sorry this is long and rambling my head is really congested and I cant think straight

 

Also I would tell him he needs to learn how to cope with being away from you asap and dealing with issues bc deployment is only going to be longer and less communication. Over emails sooo many things can be miscommunicated. Idk how many times my husband and I have sort of got upset with each other bc we misread emails in the wrong tone. and its going to be a hell of a lot lonlier on a deployment then in A school. You both have to work together to deal with this. My husband and I, if we feel like we are about to start fighting or get upset with each other we simply say I love you and miss you got to go. And we both get off email. It sucks bc we might not hear from each other for a few days if he gets busy but at least the last thing we said was I love you. Not yelling over email. So with every fight always think is it worth the pain and anger I am goign to feel. If not just both of you decide to drop it and talk about it when you are calm if you need to still talk about it.

[Kelly -NavyWife S9 D138]

I think you have received much advice already, I just wanted to chime in and let you know, my hubby is also in A School in San Antonio for Corpsman... feel free to msg me directly anytime you want to chat, maybe we can help each other ;-) People keep telling me, "be strong", so every day thats what I tell myself, everyday!  Sometimes that all I have and it helps me put one foot in front of the other.