Medically separated because of depression.

[windowartist]

I had to post to see if anyone else has experienced this with their recruit.

My son has been in boot camp for 3 weeks and I just got a call from him today saying he is very

depressed and feeling anxious, and went to a psychologist and talked to them about it.  They gave him a questionairre and it reported that he is depressed with potential suicidal feelings.  He has never had an issue with this before and was SO excited to go into the Navy after waiting for a very long time for everything to open up for him.  It is obviously stressful but he said he'd never felt this lonely and depressed before.  They moved him to SHIP 5 and he said he is medically separated now.  They will process the paperwork for him to come home in 10 days (approx.)  I was very upset and did not want him to give up so easily on the dream and career in the Navy he's been waiting so long for...wondering if this was just a passing feeling and things would get better soon. 

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and what I need to look out for. I told him to be careful what RE they give him and that he doesn't want RE-4 in case he ever wants to try again.  But honestly, I told him it would probably be very hard to do once he comes home.  He only did this yesterday, and sees the psych. again tomorrow.  Wondering if it can be undone if he wants it to or too late now. 

[Groz]

The coin is something that I have carried a long time, it has helped in many ways. I'd take it out every now and then and use it to talk to my dad (who passed on back in the 80's, who, by the way was supposed to help my son in training,with his spiritual needs, think he must of been sleeping on the job..lol). I will miss that coin, but it's always been meant to be passed on.  Won't have to worry about going thru metal detectors any more....

I did forget to mention, he is coming home on Tuesday of next week...He would be coming home on Monday, but because of the holiday, it ended up Tuesday. He looks foward to get out and do some running..Hates being cooped up, think maybe that was his whole problem. Maybe a little clastorphobic in a bigger arena. He did mention that he was well prepared both mentally and physically, and that yelling, cussing was not the problem that I made it out to be.  He just had a moment. Again, the Navy R.C. legal, and all others have been real positive with him..It's just the way the Navy is going at this time. 

Everytime I talk with him, he's getting so much more upbeat..He has told me that he is going to get me healthier, lose weight. I did try and explain to him that I enjoy my retirement, and I did all that physical exercise in the past. So let me just enjoy my golf, and gardening (just started this new hobby this year) for now...Guess I better go and get some running shoes..

[Groz]

Just talked to my son, thinks he knows who your son is...Will talk and shot the breeze with him. Maybe they will share there war stories with each other.

[MamaHouz]

rosemama, Groz.,  Thank you both so much for sharing your experiences with this.  Our kids are undoubtedly together now, hopefully making the best of their situations.  S., seemed more concerned about what everyone else was going to think of her when she returns home.  (she has decide not to appeal).  I too have been through the gammit of emotions during the last few days (anger, disappointment, sad, fear).  But have had time to process this, since hearing from her on Wednesday, I love my daughter unconditionally and will support her through this and continue to encourage and help her find her way in life.  It's just what we do as parents.  Her dad is having a harder time understanding why she didn't fight harder to stay...but after researching a little, it's not as easy as one might think.   I am disappointed in the system, not in my daughter.  I too just want her back home so she can get back on track with her life. It's crazy how in just a blink of an eye, one's whole life can change....  Again, thank you both so much for sharing and giving me a place to express my feelings.  It has been very helpful!!  I wish both of your sons the best that life has to offer them.

[Groz]

MamaHouz, I truely understand what your husband is going thru...I had the same mindset on fighting it also. I also looked into fighting it, came down to the conclusion it was probally a losing battle. I think the military is going thru a phase right now with ptsd / and anxiety (considering all the problems that are croping up in the news), that they might be in the infant stage dealing with anxiety problems. In the past, the events that our children had were just overlooked, and life in basic went on.

My son, was very concerned with what I would think of him when he called. Just told him I was very proud of him, and we will just move on..We did talk about what his friends might think of him when he got back. He wasn't much concerned about that, figures his true friends will be there for him, and with the new friends that he has met where he is at now, he will be ok. Like I said in past posts, He just wants to get out and run... Big change in his attitude since that first call last week.

There are days that he dosen't get too call, but he does get computer access. So he does let me know what is going on. My fear was that the other recruits would give him a hard time because of the anxiety issues that he had..My son has said everyone has been very supporitive and helpful..I am sure your daughter is getting support where she is at, and will have the same support when she gets home.

[windowartist]

My husband went through the same issues you guys said you guys felt.  He is still fighting the frustration with him that he didn't stick it out-maybe because he was in the Navy and went through it all, plus worse at AirCrew training...they're really hard on them there in case they ever got captured etc..

But it's like you said MamaHouz, we are their parents and love them no matter what.  I've accepted it more now. I just want to know the next step for him to get his life on track again.  These guys (girls) must feel pretty embarrassed and disappointed in themselves too and I'm sure will need some reassurance when home.  I wasn't really able to give that the first 2 days or so after he told me, honestly.  I was upset and didn't understand.  But maybe you are right, the Navy has changed somewhat and they don't need to waste their time and money on someone who may have issues later.  I just think what he said would have been overlooked years ago, I didn't know they'd make it this easy to get out.  But the Navy has to do what is best for the Navy.  My son just never had any depression/anxiety issues like that before and our family has gone through some pretty hard stuff at times.  

My son said everyone's been really nice at Ship 5...it's not the nightmare some made it out to be. Just boring.  He's trying to make the best of it now and use this time to plan options for his future and he's praying a lot for God's guidance so I guess that is good from this. He doesn't get to go outside except for going to chow.  But he did meet your son, Groz, so you were right and has enjoyed talking with the guys, I guess they all know what the other is going through. 

 They doubled up 2 appointments for him on Thursday and one was legal (which he was hoping to go to) but they didn't tell him about that one and then called his name when he was at the other appt.  so he missed the appt. with legal.  A bit frustrating that they wouldn't communicate better and now his going home date gets pushed back because he won't get to see legal until Tuesday.  Do you guys know when your kids are coming home yet and when they went to legal?  I'm trying to figure out how many days it is past his signing at legal.

Thanks,

[windowartist]

I thank you also for sharing your families situation here too.  I wonder if the guys and girls see each other- if your daughter would have met my son and Groz's.  

I'm sure they must wonder what everyone will think.  Mine told everyone he was going in-for all the months he was in DEP- he bought all the Navy shirts, hats and bumper stickers for his car....inconsequential now but he made it widely known he was going Navy- now he'll have to change course. 

I think your daughter is really blessed to have great parents who support her.  But I understand what you're saying about her Dad having a harder time..as I mentioned before, my husband is too.  He couldn't understand how he gave up so fast when he wanted it so bad.  It seems my son didn't know what would happen to him when he talked to them about how he was feeling.  I guess you say 'not feeling yourself' and 'abit depressed' and you're out.  so much for trying to get help.  I get where they're coming from but I also think it would be nice if they explain what will happen if they're saying these things.  Of course they're all stressed and feel anxious...but obviously some more than others.  I just think they would have gotten sent back to their division in years past and told to suck it up. I'm not saying that is any better, but there's not much preparation they go through in DEP to prepare for all this mental stuff. I wish there was.  It's so much more than memorizing the 11 orders.    Do you know when your daughter is coming home and if she's been to legal yet, MamaHouz?   You can read my other post below to Groz about them screwing up my sons legal appt. so now he can't sign until at least Tuesday which pushes back his home date.  At this point, if they don't want him, I just want him to come home so we can talk about options for jobs, school etc.. to get his life on track again.  This waiting drives me nuts.

[Angie]

Keep in mind they tell them they can reenlist in 6 months...BUT the Navy is overmanned and right now they are not taking people back in who where kicked out.  For them to try they have to go through the whole process all overagain and need waivers for having been seperated while in bootcamp.  Also they will need to prove they are better, if they come home and end up seeing a shrink and take meds for depression...they will have to be off those meds for 12-24 months, even if they just are prescribed those meds and don't take them. They will need proof from the doctor that they where off them for that long.

 

Sorry to say, this does happen. BUT it is better for it to happen in bootcamp.  IF people can't handle someone yelling at them in their face...than how are they going to handle being out at sea for 6-12 months..how will they handle being screamed at to do something n the middle of a fire.  Yes they don't give them a second chance when it comes to depression issues in bootcamp...the reason is there are not second chances when there is a fire and people need to run towards it to put it out..

[windowartist]

Hi Angie. 

I've seen you reply on a lot of posts on here.  Just wondering if you're the administrator or affiliated with the Navy in any way or do you know anyone in the Navy?

Just would like to know peoples background a bit who respond.

[Angie]

Recently retired from the Navy, Hubby is retired Navy, Cus is retired Navy, and my nephew is leaving for bootcamp in July.  I retired from Great Lakes..so I do know what goes on up here.

[Craig]

rose - Angie is just a professional sailor that understands the complete Navy system.  She has walked in the boots that all sailors wear.  Like most sailors, we don't sugarcoat things just to make people feel good.  We provide facts and suggestions on how to proceed and what people are up against.    

We know that less than 10% can win an appeal in Ship 5.  We know that number goes to almost 0% once the recruit ships home.  That is why we always tell everyone (recruits, moms, dads, ect...) that they need to fight to the bitter end to try to stay at Great Lakes if they want to win an appeal.  

You need to read in the regular Ship 5 section, look back at August 5 2011 the conversation I had with SepsAdmin who runs the separation group at Great Lakes.   

Now a question for you.  You wrote "It seems my son didn't know what would happen to him when he talked to them about how he was feeling.  I guess you say 'not feeling yourself' and 'abit depressed' and you're out.  so much for trying to get help.  I get where they're coming from but I also think it would be nice if they explain what will happen if they're saying these things."  

Did your son do research on the Navy before he left?  Are you saying he didn't know about this?  This was documented years ago by a sailor in the "what happens in boot camp day-per-day".  Look at the P2 day section that says "- Secondly, if anyone ask if you are homesick, or have you ever been depressed, or sad"? You say NO!.... We all know the true answer is yes, haven't we all been depressed or sad at one time in our lifes? However, if you say yes, and you go see a counselor, you're coming home. You will be kicked out. Try and suck it up. If you truly need help talk to the Chaplin/CARE person, if needed. Try not to even do that, because you will be labeled. The Navy is all about seeing if you can handle stress. In a war zone they can't have someone that needs to see a counselor or Chaplin all the time. It's wasting their time. But lets say their is a death, then by all means see the Chaplin only!"

http://www.navydep.com/forums/showthread.php?t=433

I'm just trying to figure out how I can reach people similar to your son's situation so this doesn't happen to them.  What do you suggest?

[MamaHouz]

rosemama,  S, said she has talked to legal and believes that she won't know about going home until the day or so beforehand probably around the 5th.  She says it gets better each day and that 18 people left yesterday and 11 more arrived.  Unsure of all the circumstances but seems another girl that was in her division also struggling emotionally now is with her...  She said boys are on a separate floor but most everyone is getting a little edgy because they just wanna go home.  As far as my husband goes, he will come around by the time she gets home I'm sure.  It's a guy thing...no offense Groz  lol  

Angie, with all due respect, I would like to refer to it as separation from the Navy, not being kicked out.  That sounds as if these kids have done something wrong.  But you are entitled to your opinion. And as far as re enlisting,  the girl who 3 wks ago was willing to give her life to her country and serve our nation has realized that the relationship was not mutual and unfortunately has no desire to be a part of it and that's really too bad for the Navy, because she really is a terrific giving caring human being.  She would've served our country proud.

[windowartist]

MamaHouz, I sent you a friend request so if you accept, I'll  be able to message you privately.

I agree that it is a separation, not being "kicked out".  Sometimes things happen that we or they cannot control.

My son was very enthusiastic to serve his country.  But I guess if you express feeling out of sorts or anything less than ideal, you will be separated.