first duty station BOO

[heathee12]

Ok so here it is...my boyfriend was just home on leave for 10 days before leaving for his first duty station (he left last saturday) and it was amazing to see each other and spend time together - it also had it's emotional times being that we haven't spent anytime together other then 12 hours at PIR since February.  I am in NY and now he is in WA and to be honest this is the most difficult time that I have had so far.  I don't know what exactly it is, but with bootcamp and A school things felt very structured to me - like I knew what was going on and in A school we had a rough schedule when we talked in the morning and then at night.  Now that he is actually at his job I feel really lost in this whole experience. I feel like he is starting his life and I am still here living mine - it feels so separate and I don't want it too (maybe that's totally unrealistic).

The more I think about it I feel like I am undermining the trust we have built in our relationship by constantly wondering about e v e r y t h i n g and he is also picking up on it.  While he was home we talked about me moving to WA around christmas time and I want to move but this isn't a little move.  I know that almost everyone on here has been or is also in a long-distance relationship and I am wondering what advice you all have about keeping it going.  I just feel frustrated like we have worked so hard and now that he is there maybe I just don't fit...it sucks to write that.  I miss him - along with the affection and attention that comes with being in a relationship.  I hope that this doesn't come across as super blahh but I am having a tough time - maybe part of it is he was here and then he was gone again so quickly.  It probably doesn't help that I am a very all or nothing person. 

Can anyone else relate?  advice...anything...

[KaylaRae]

We all can relate. It is hard to see them and then they are gone again, even if it is just a different state. My bf and I have been in a LDR since August even though the Navy stuff didn't start until Jan. Communication is huge and we weren't communicating so we hit a rough patch. Luckily we got past it and we have been communicating a lot better now. You can not doubt, our relationships are built on trust and once you starting doubting that trust problems happen. You have to be flexible with the Military and push past the all or nothing or the relationship may not survive. 

Here is a website that might help. http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/ it helped with learning how to communicate better, at least for me. Maybe you can find something that might help. There is also a military section that they would love for people to but their input on who are in military relationships. 

Anyway hope this helps and best of luck. 

[heathee12]

thanks Kayla - it is difficult and I know that it is work.  I think that his duty station is going to be an adjustment that we need to get through.  Do you talk everyday?  I don't want to dwell on things - so I need to stop bringing stuff up over and over.  How do you feel you communicate better? Glad to hear that everything is going well for you:)

[LaurenS]

I know I can definitely relate, and many other women. I've been in a LDR since November, but I've known my boyfriend for 7 years. I live in NC and he's in WA (3000 miles apart) We only get to see each other 2 weeks at a time. You must be able to trust one another otherwise, there will be problems. Do you skype your boyfriend? I had a rough time at first too, but over time it has gotten easier. Although, I do have a little bit of an advantage compared to others. His parents live right across the street from me and I can always talk to them if I'm having a tough day. Wish you the best of luck!

[heathee12]

thanks Lauren!  Hearing that everyone has a tough time helps and it passes helps.  We don't skype but i guess we could...he would just need a camera on his computer.  We were sending video messages back and forth while he was in A school and that helped SO MUCH.  We have talked everyday since after bootcamp.  i know he loves me. 

[LaurenS]

That's awesome that you send video messages back and forth. The busier you are the better! Also, don't look at the fact that you aren't together...Keep thinking about all the great times you have had or think about what you are going to do the next time you see him. It's not easy, but it is very doable! Through all of this, it has definitely made our relationship stronger and I feel like I'm a stronger person.

[heathee12]

Hey Lauren - thanks! I looked at how I was processing everything and decided that I just need to trust love.  I may need to be reminded of that - but I need to remember why we are together and not focus on the distance.  It's tough with the time difference but it could be worse.  He was telling me that another sailor's wife will be leaving for a deployment soon and they can't talk for a month - sooo that put things in perspective:) 

[DEEJAY]

This literally just underlined how I feel.l0l I`m going through the doubts and the whole "Am I even ready to deal with being away from him any longer?" My story is different because I`ve known my boyfriend for a year, been with him for about 10 months, and we`ve never met... yet. :) I`m going to make it to his PIR with his family & that will be the first time we meet. He plans on going back home after A School and then off to his station he goes. We`ve discussed the whole being apart during his first station and probably during his 4 years. YIKES! But we`re crazy enough to do so and make it work. Anyways my advice to you is if you love him then be patient. Don`t give life to your doubts cause it will eventually break you down. Be strong for not only yourself but for him. What you guys are going through will only strengthen your relationship and in the long run you two will be unbreakable. A huge thing that helps us in our relationship is prayer. We`ve made it this far by praying by ourselves and with each other. But again we all have our ways of helping us in our situations. Stay strong and be unselfish everything will eventually get easier you`ve just gotta be committed to each other and things will work out. Hope that it gets better for you two and I know it will. Hang in there :) God Bless.

[Faith_SHIP 09 DIV 283_9/7/12]

 

My boyfriend hasn't left for bootcamp just yet, but I know how the separation can slowly start to tear you up.

I'm out of state while he's still at home with family and friends, and I probably won't be back in time to see him. So, in a sense, I know how you feel.

 

It's all really overwhelming, but I'd say it's a bit natural to feel out of place. The one thing that seems to work for me is just to be patient. I know that sounds way easier said than done, and to be honest..it is. But it's the best thing that you can do. If he still wants to be with you, and you want to be with him, then just keep putting your whole heart into it and stay strong for him. Despite the long periods of time between when you get to see him, I see it as..the time you do get with him, you have to make the most of. Relish those feelings of affection and attention with him, but find joy in keeping a smile on his face as well..because it can't be much easier on him when he's gone. If that makes sense.

Just find things to occupy your time the best you can. And if you find yourself in a position where you can't, then try and turn that stress of missing him into something exciting. Like planning things to do for/with him when he gets back, ya know..things like that. Or write about it. Just use your imagination, and do your best to stay strong. Of course there will be set backs, and there will be times where it seems beyond impossible.. but I'd say that's when it's the best time to get back to this site and talk to the others that are going through this with you.

Just don't keep things bottled up, stay open.

 

I hope at least some of that was helpful.

I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

[heathee12]

Thanks! That was really great advice.  I am working on being more patient and focusing on other things.  When your boyfriend leaves feel free to email me.  It's rough - but those letter will keep you going! You can get the support you need on here to.  When you guys do get to talk it is the most amazingly exciting thing ever!

[Faith_SHIP 09 DIV 283_9/7/12]

Will do! Thank you. :)

I'll be taking you up on that, it's going to be really hard on me..but it goes both ways, if you need someone to talk to, I'll gladly listen! Maybe we can help each other out a lot. :)

I hope things go well for you!