Tips on getting through the time apart?

[Eliza03]

I've been dating my sailor for a while now but only recently did we become serious. We met during the time when he was pretty much a reservist for school but now that it's summer he's picking back up where he left off. He leaves in the morning for the West Coast to shadow an Officer for three weeks. He'll be on a submarine for at least two of the three weeks and communication won't be possible. After reading some of the posts on here about your sailors being gone for 6+ months three weeks sounds like a cake walk, but it's my first time having to be apart from him. I've seen him pretty much every single day since I met him. I don't want to spend these next three weeks upset because he isn't here, and I absolutely don't want him to catch on to the fact that I'm unhappy on the off chance that we do get to talk. He needs to focus on what he's doing there, not how I'm doing here. I'm wondering, what do you girls do to keep your spirits up while your sailor is away? And is there anything I can do for him while he's gone? He's going to be writing letters for me and giving them to me when he gets home since he'll only be there for three weeks. I want to do something sweet for him in return to let him know that I've been thinking of him. Have any of you girls ever done something for your men while they were away? Thanks for your time! And I'm sorry about the length. I tend to ramble when I'm nervous..

[Nellz15]

3 weeks will fly by, just try to stay occupied.  Hang out with friends and family, do the things he hates doing with you.  Just try not to think about it much

[charissa02]

My sailor has been gone for at least two months and has still another to go. What I do is try and stay busy, and do things I love to keep my spirits up :). Plus being with family and friends also helps. You could think of something special like a surprise for him for when he gets home. Me personally, my husband loves food so I'm gonna have a huge dinner waiting for when with maybe some desert or something. It's the small things that count and that they will love the most. Hope that helps :)

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

My hubby is in week 4 of bootcamp right now.  This is our first real separation, too.  The no communication thing really sucks.  That was the hardest part for me, because they are not allowed to write/send letters for the first 2 weeks.  I write him every day so that he has mail every day.  In the first couple weeks of bootcamp I downloaded "Chicken Soup for the Military Wives' Soul" and read it on my Kindle app at night during the baby's middle of the night feedings.  One of the stories was from a woman whose husband was gone for a year, I think, it was their first year of marriage.  Because they were going to miss so much of their lives they each kept a journal for the entire time, telling about their daily lives and all the little things that happens.  When they were reunited, she said that reading the journals gave them each a deeper understanding of each other and that year, while really hard, was probably the glue that held them together for his entire career and many more deployments. 

In my letters to my hubby, I try to do that, tell him all about the little things in daily life.  Our daughter turned 6 months old yesterday, so there's a lot to tell him about her.  I tell him about things I do, how I feel, what our family's are up to, ask him questions about his life there.  Yes, I miss him, terribly.  It's getting easier to cope though.  When I really need to have a good cry, I take a long shower and just let it all out.  I tell him that I miss him, but I try to keep it simple so he doesn't worry about me.  I have a separate journal for those feelings!

As for doing something special for him while he's away, yes.  I'm working on perfecting a recipe for him.  He LOVES to eat, and dammit, never gains an ounce!  But he has a crazy love for dark chocolate, cheesecake and coffee.  So I'm perfecting a chocolate, espresso cheesecake.  Did the 1st trial run last week, turned out pretty good, but I have some tweaks I'm going to try this weekend.  Last weekend, his family was the guinea pigs, this weekend, it's my family.  I'm also cleaning and packing and fixing the house so that when he's done in A-School we can move. 

Sorry about the length, I just love talking about my husband, and I'm so excited to start this new Navy life.  :D 

[meagan5220]

lol yea 3 weeks seems like a cake walk to some but if you have never been away its hard!! but I always say everyone always has the right to miss someone no matter how long it is! My husband is currently on month 7 of a 5 month deployment (yea you read it right lol I didnt mess it up! haha they extended!) I thought I would go crazyy but its actually not been as horrible as I was scared for! Find something to do that makes you happy! anything you have been wanting to do but cant find the time to do!? Also try to stay busy but happy busy! not just bored busy lol. Time flies faster when you are enjoying it!! Believe me I know!!! Big project you wanted to do Summer is a great time for a yard sale! You can find a great piece of old furniture and strip it and redo it! I did one bedside table and I live by the beach and found a piece of driftwood! I am sanitizing it and making a sign for our house!! I moved during this deployment so that took up a good chunk of time too! I also have goals set to get done before he gets back and I have at least one thing to do every day!

 

As far as when he gets back it will sort of depend on him! Maybe make a scrapbook? I am making him one last care package and putting all sorts of stuff he has been missing while away! I am making him a beer cake, its sort of like one of those diaper cakes but using beer cans instead!!! lol I am also making him a "coupon" book with some special coupons :) I am so excited to get stuff together for him!!

 

My biggest secret lol is a mini-bath! I turn on the shower, sit down on the shower floor and I cry, yell, get mad, think, etc. Just get all the stress out! Then when I am done I stand up and let the bad feelings wash down the drain and leave it there and get on with my day. Find something that will fulfill the same purpose for you!!

[cesimon929]

Three weeks is easy, not because it is a short amount of time or anything but because I have a trick. Here's the trick. Plan one big event for each week. Okay, it doesn't have to be that big. Let's say a BBQ or a party at your house. By the time you get everything together and planned out with all of your friends the week will have flown by, and then you go on to the next week. Plan on going out with girlfriends and spend a day going shopping for something you plan to wear out! Also, The last week you can pamper yourself; bikini wax, eyebrows, new hair do, etc and you will look gorgeous for when he gets back :D

[AshleyVirginia]

In my experience with separation so far, none of it is ever a cake walk. It's hard to go any period of time without seeing someone you love and are used to seeing daily, especially when communication is limited. That transition for my boyfriend & I was incredibly difficult. Now we're a week into a 9 month long deployment and I still can't quite comprehend how I'm going to make it through this. But I think the only thing you can really do, whether it's 3 weeks or 3 months, is just stay busy and try to remember that it's only [insert length] and it will come to an end eventually. I'm planning on making a really long list of goals to get done before he gets back. Things like reading books I've been meaning to read, learning to cook certain things, etc. More things than I will realistically accomplish so that I feel like I have too much to do all the time.

I'm also throwing myself into little projects for him. Before he left, I made him a little booklet of 52 things I can't wait to do when he gets back, written on playing cards. I gave him the cover card & a few to start & then every week of deployment I'm going to send him a card or two, in addition to a letter. Luckily I get an email from him almost every day so the letters are just where I can say things that might not come up in the daily emails. I've also been scouring the internet for cute little craft things to send him (which is kind of difficult because it can't be anything too big or he won't have anywhere to store it on the ship).

And as Meagan said, sitting in the shower and de-stressing helps a lot. That's my time every night, if I need it, to just cry and let myself wallow for a little bit. Then when I feel like I've cried all I can, I get out of the shower and I feel better.

[Eliza03]

Thank you so much everyone! Your advice has been really helpful. I don't know how some of you do it. Nine months AshleyVirginia?? That's ridiculous. I can't imagine not seeing him for that long, although I know it's highly likely that I'll have to face it eventually. You are all so strong for pushing through such a long time apart. My sailor and I have been very fortunate. His ship isn't scheduled to pick him up for another four days, so we have four whole days to talk before our communication is cut. That's a lot better than the 24 hours we thought we'd have! It has still been a bit rough though. It hit me hard the first day, before I knew we'd be able to talk. I got into that "I don't want to do anything but sit here" mindset. But reading your suggestions has really helped bring me out of that.

I've decided to throw myself into my schooling. I'm trying to get as much coursework done before he gets home as I can. I've started a journal for him that I plan on keeping until he actually ships out. It's small enough that he'll be able to keep it with him, and he'll be able to read a new page every day. I made a calender for the 21 days he'll be gone and every day I mark off another day. It's nice to put a big red X over each day. And I'm learning how to make pineapple upside down cake. I suck at cooking so it is definitely going to take a while to learn, but he loves it and I'm thinking when he comes back I'll surprise him with a homemade picnic (with the pineapple upside down cake as dessert) and two tickets to see the new Katy Perry movie (he has the biggest celebrity crush on her). Thank you guys so much! I'm feeling a lot better now that I have things to do while he's gone and goals to work towards. For those of you with SOs away at the moment I hope the time flies by! Thank you all so much! :)