Boyfriend left 6/25/12...need some support!!

[dukelvr]

Okay, so I'm brand new to this site and let me just say, it's comforting to know that others are going through the same thing I am. However, the pain is still here and I can't seem to escape from it. I've dated my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and we did have a break in that time frame. During that time is when he decided to sign up for the navy. Lets just say, I was devastated. I always told myself I wouldn't date someone in the military, now look at me. So like I said, he left on Monday the 25th, today is Saturday the 30th, and all I seem to know how to do is cry. He called me at 12:45 EST (so technically early, early Tuesday morning). It was a minute phone call and he said he would call me in 2 weeks, I hope that's true. I've already written him a letter, even sent him FB messages even though he wont get it for 8 weeks. I just feel horribly alone right now, and my biggest fear is that we are going to grow apart and he wont want me anymore. Thinking that upsets me more and brings on a waterfall of tears. These 2 weeks are going to be hard, since we can't have any calls or letters. I just wanted to hear other stories and if there is any advice y'all can give me. I'm trying to stay busy, but it doesn't seem to help. It seems like I think of him every minute of the day, and I just can't get him out of my head. I'm worried, scared, and I just want that feeling to end. I'm already picturing when he calls me and I feel like all I'll be able to do is cry because I've missed his voice so bad. But anyway, sorry for the rant. I just feel like I could meet others that understand what I'm going through. Anything will help!!!

[dukelvr]

I really hope it does bring us closer! But the whole thing is just scary. I know he has 8 weeks of basic and then his A-School. I just wish I knew where and how long his A-School will be! It's the not knowing part that really gets to me. If I knew all the answers, I think I would feel better.

[amor]

Girl...don't even worry about growing apart. The biggest thing I have learned from boot camp is that it only brings you together and helps you and him to see through all of the stupid trivial things you ever fought about, and to realize what is important. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost eight months, two of which he has been in boot camp. It may not seem like a long time at all, but I know that he is the one. We met at work at a restaurant over the summer, and for months I had a huge crush on him, but he is super shy so it took a long time for me to finally rope him in, haha. We hung out a few times outside of work and then our first date was on Halloween. On our very first date he mentioned thinking about joining the navy, but I dismissed it, because he had mentioned two other options as well. It was a magical first date and a week later, we were official (even though we still count Halloween as our anniversary).

The night after we were "official", we were at my apartment and he told me that he had decided that he was definitely going to join the navy. I was scared and sad because I knew I was already falling for him, but supportive at the same time because I didn't want to hold him back from his dream. The next six months of us being together were the best six months of my life. We fell hard and fast for each other and basically lived together (he would stay at my apartment almost every night and we worked together almost every day). We connected on a deep level and even though we're young we could both tell that what we have doesn't happen every day. The only problem was, the closer it got to him going away, the more reluctant he was to leave because of what we had. He kept saying he didn't want to leave me and I kept pushing him to follow his dream because I would have blamed myself forever for holding him back. Then, I could tell he was scared that even though I had assured him I was going to wait for him, he was afraid that once he was seperated form me I would break my promise. We are a lot alike in that way, because if the roles were reversed I would have been afraid of the same thing. But during the last few weeks he started to get anxious and moody, and took out a lot of his stress on me. I knew that he was just stressed and when people are stressed they take it out on the ones they love most, but it was still really hard to go through right before he was leaving because of course it put doubts in my mind about whether or not he really wanted me to wait for him.

Nevertheless I stuck by his side through it and stayed strong through all the turmoil before he left. The first few weeks with no contact from him were really, really, really hard. Especially since I had no idea what he was doing or thinking. But before he left I told him over the phone that every day at 10 a.m., 2 p.m., and 8 p.m., I would be thinking of him and sending him a kiss (even though obviously I actually was thinking about him all day). I knew that would ground him and help him every day when he felt alone and had no contact with anyone from the outside world.

The first letter I received was the "form letter". It is a packet about graduation. My address was written in his handwriting, and I hadn't heard anything from him in three torturous weeks, so I ran upstairs to rip it open, hoping the letter inside would be from him. It was a stupid pre-typed letter from the navy saying that they were sorry he couldn't write yet. I cried. WHAT A TEASE! So be warned that the first letter you receive could be the "tease letter". I didn't get a real letter from him until four weeks in. So far I have gotten his letters every Thursday, because they are allowed to write on Sundays and that means they get sent out Monday. Depending on where you live, it could be faster.  But believe me, the first letter you receive will make you cry, and you will keep it for the rest of your life.

The first week he was able to send out letters, I received NINE of them because he wrote them after lights-out almost every night. He apologized for all of the things he said or did unfairly before he left and confirmed that it was just his anxiety about leaving. He was always a super romantic sort of guy so none of the beautiful things he said in the letters were anything new, but judging from this site, even the guys who aren't romantic before boot camp turn mushy-gushy in their letters, haha! So believe me, as hard as this is, the letters will be worth it.

I got my first long call on June 1st, and he had left on May 7th. So expect it about 4 weeks in. The RDC's tell them they will get a call 2 weeks in when they get there, because that is what my BF told me too, but they just say that so that your recruit can feel better and make you feel better, I think, during the "I'm here safe" call. After he told me that, about a week in, they started saying "you get it when we give it to you", so it could be anytime really. Most people I talked to received it four weeks in, though. People say that you could gt it early in the morning, but every call I have received so far has been in the evening. My first call was at 6:04 p.m. (EST, so he called at 5:04 p.m. in Chicago). They tell them the call can last an hour but they yell them off the lines after 26 minutes. Make sure you have everything you want to talk to him about written down ahead of time so that you can make the most of the call. A lot of people say that when they finally get to hear from them, their minds go blank. I thought I would cry on the phone as well, but I didn't, I was too happy to cry, haha! Plus when they call you, THEY are the stressed ones, you want to make them feel better by keeping the call upbeat and happy as much as you can, you know? As hard as this is for us to be separated from them, it's our guys who are being mentally beaten every day and need us to keep them going by giving them a little mental boost.

Don't be scared, he is in good hands, and he is being taken care of. All the scary stuff that you hear happens in boot camp has a purpose---it's to prepare them for any possibly dangerous situation that could happen while they are deployed. As hard and scary as this is right now, believe me, I have learned to love him being in boot camp because it is preparing me for when he goes away for real, and is in REAL danger. Sorry the past few sentences have seemed cold, it's just facts.

I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world and the next four years are going to be the most challenging of his life but I promised him a long time ago that I would be strong for him and wait, because he is worth it and I would do anything to be with him. He has the most amazing heart and I miss him every day. Sometimes it really feels like there is a hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I gave it to him before he left and right now it is 1,000 miles away in Chicago. The entire time he has been gone, people have been telling me to forget about him, including some of my best friends. They tell me it's not worth it, it's impossible, we won't make it, they even encourage me to cheat on him and break up with him. You're going to be facing a lot of negativity over the next two months. Do not let what other people say to you have any effect on your decisions. If he is worth the wait and you know it in your heart, then you can do it. Your relationship is YOUR relationship, and it's between you and him and no one else has any right to try to butt into that.

Hmm what else. Oh, send him pictures. They are allowed to have pictures but do NOT send anything with nudity or anything racy like that because their RDC's will show the entire division and then throw them away. I sent my boyfriend lots of pictures of us together, some of me, and some of him with his friends and family so that he could feel a bit less homesick and he loved them all. He even recently wrote to me that one of the pictures I sent him of me (which he took) was his favorite ever and he taped it into his notebook and that it's like I'm with him wherever he goes. Pictures really help them. If you send a postcard, make sure you don't write anything that could embarrass them. He was in Ship 09, which is named the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy. I found a postcard of J.F.K. eating an ice cream cone which I thought was funny so I HAD to send it, so on the back I wrote a quote by J.F.K. about being in the navy and that I loved him and couldn't wait to see him, just basic stuff because I knew everyone would be able to read it basically. He said everyone thought it was hilarious and loved it. When I joined this site a lot of people said don't send colored envelopes or anything crazy, but I have sent purple ones that were fine. He never mentioned getting in any trouble for anything I have sent him and He's been able to keep every single letter...and I wrote him one every single day. Haha!

The first month and a half go by at a snail crawl, and you feel like they will never end. Then one day you wake up, like I did today, and realize that you will be seeing him march into the Drill Hall in Chicago in six short days...I can't believe I am going to be seeing him next Friday. I got my "I'm a Sailor" call yesterday at 5 p.m. my time, so 4 p.m. his time, OH! And ALWAYS pick up the "847" area code---I have heard it could be something else too but both times he has called me, the area code has been "847". One of the bad things about graduation is that they aren't allowed to show ANY form of P.D.A., which includes a quick kiss after the ceremony. :( So after graduation, you can't kiss him. Remember that because he could get into serious trouble. But if you bring him back to your hotel room---totally different story of course, it just can't be out in the open.

Ok I think I'm just totally rambling now because I ramble when I'm anxious and excited and I'm freaking out that I'm going to be able to see my Sailor so soon, haha! But also I really want to ease your mind because I know how relieving it is to have someone who has gone through all this to talk to and ask questions of. So please message me any time, I'll give you my facebook if you want, this is going to be really hard but you can do it---believe me it is all worth it. I hope this long rambley paragraph has helped! :) haha. <3 Niki

[dukelvr]

And I thought I wrote a lot! Haha! But all I can say is wow. Even reading this made me sappy feeling. I agree with you that I'll cry when I get his first letter. I know I'll probably end up reading it every single day too! It's amazing how strong you girls are up here...I feel so weak right now, but talking to y'all really helps a lot! You are so lucky that he is graduating next Friday! But you went through what I did, so I know you understand how I feel. So you are going to his graduation?? I want to go soo bad!! He left the 25th, so he wont be graduating until late August. I live in North Carolina, but I just don't think I'll have the money to go. Plus I'll be in school by that time too :( But hell, I'm willing to miss school to go! I'm just wondering what I can do to be there for him. The saddest thought is picturing him graduating and not being there to support him...that would make me feel so guilty. But I'm hoping everything will work out and I'll be able to go. OH, and thank you so much about the "847" are code!! I was wondering what the number would be. I'm just scared that he's going to call and I'll be at work or away from my phone. I usually keep it on silent but I keep that thing on now. I would just be devastated if I missed it. It's only been 5 days and it's felt like a lifetime!! I just hope as time goes by it will get easier. 

[amor]

Don't ever be without your phone!! Believe me, if you explain it to your work they will surely understand. I have a friend who accidentally missed the call because her phone was on vibrate...It's not a good feeling. Even if your work does not understand, I suggest keeping it on HIGH VIBRATE and in your pocket or bra (if it's small enough haha) so you will feel it, then you can make some excuse like go to the bathroom or something to answer it if you feel it vibrate and it's him. 

Yes I am going, he begged me to go, haha. And I really want to be there. Nt only do I want to be there to support him but I feel like this is one of the most important accomplishments of his life and I would regret not going more than spending money to go. I am SUPER poor and can't really afford this, haha, but it's worth it and I've been saving for a while. If you want to look for cheap flights, use KAYAK.com, it compares every possible airline and you can sign up for emailed "price alerts" when the price drops. I live in Massachusetts, and my roundtrip flight ended up being $230, because I also bought a bonus which took half off the fee in case I needed to change the flight, which is important in case anything hapens and they don't graduate on time. If you can get refundable tickets that is best. Also I connected with a girl whose boyfriend is in the same division and ended up being two bunks away from my boyfriend, and we are going to split a htel room the night before graduation to save money, and ALSO we coordinated flights so that we will arrive around the same time so that we can split the taxi. We are going to O'Hare, and I organized a taxi ahead of time from Sarge, whose number I can give you if you decie to go, he gives taxi service to Navy loved ones for $54 flat from O'Hare to your hotel, and the taxis are usually over $100 because the airport is about an hour from the base. so when my friend and I split it it is only going to be $27/each. The hotel I found is the Red Carpet Inn, they give a special Navy rate of $55/night for a single room and $65 for a double bed room, so when my friend and I split it that night it will only be about $35/each. The Red Carpet is also only 1.5 miles from the base, so walkable, but also they provide free shuttle service the day of graduation. AND there's a meet and greet at the restaurant RIGHT next to the Red Carpet on that thursday night, with a free appetizer buffet and $1 tap domestic beers, which I am definitely going to take advantage of, haha! S if you save, it's pretty do-able if you research the cheapest options. Just make sure you get all the info from whoever your boyfriend sends the form letter to, there is a password in there that you need to get in, my BF just told me that yesterday, so make sure you get that. 

I've read all his letters every day, haha. Not every single one of course but I made an album with all the pictures I have of us and ones of him and my letters from him fit perfectly in the slots too, because luckily the Navy RTC stationary is about the size of a regular picture :) whenever I miss him, I pull one out. I'm sure in your first letter he will let you know that he is thinking about you every second, which is a comfort as well. I wrote to my BF that every night I close my eyes in bed and picture him next to me, and he wrote to me that every night he does the same and that for that moment, he knows we are right next to each other in spirit. Just know that whenever you guys are thinking of each other (which is constantly im sure) you really are together in spirit. For the next two months, your letters will bring him hope and motivation to keep going, believe me letters are invaluable to the recruits. 

Don't feel guilty if you can't go, life happens, and he will know that you wish you could be there. But if you do decide to go, let me know if you need any info and I will help you out in any way I can. Being away from him will never get easier, but you will grow stronger and more used to dealing with his absence. Just as our men grow stronger in boot camp, our hearts grow stronger while they are there. Absence really does make the heart grow stronger, if your heart is in the right place and being taken care of by the right person. <3 

[dukelvr]

Yeah, I'm definitely going to keep my phone by my every second once the 2 week mark hits. He told me that he would call after 2 weeks, but like others have told me, I'm not going to get my hopes up. And I'm pretty sure my work would understand, we worked at the same place for 3 years!! Haha, so they all know him really well. And that is so awesome that you met someone to split the price of the hotel and taxi!!! I hope I can meet someone like that, but I'm kinda iffy about the whole idea, just because I wouldn't know the person. I've searched SOO many flight airlines and I wasn't sure who was cheaper. I know I checked out Kayak before, I'll probably look at them again. I'm going to try to make it to graduation!! I want nothing more than to do that right now. Hopefully my parents wont mind me digging in my school money if I have too! Lol..but I would spend every cent on him if I had to.

[amor]

I'm so glad!!! And don't worry about sending him too much---I just talked to my boyfriend about THAT yesterday, because in total I sent him 54 letters, because I sent him a letter a day with the exclusion of this last week because of course by the time they got to Great Lakes he will have already been at A-school. But anyways I asked him yesterday if he got to keep any of the letters or if they made him throw them away---he said he got to keep every single one! Haha! And that it definitely weighed down his pack but he doesn't care because he loved them all so much! And just so you know, he may have even been writing before today, my boyfriend had been writing me since the second day he was there, after they gave them their notebooks and pens, though I guess that's pretty rare because they're technically not supposed to do that. But let's see...the first day he got to SEND the letters was May 20th, and he left May 7th. So if everything is going as planned, his letters will be on their way to you from IL first thing in the morning! I hope they make you feel better! :) 

[karmennicole Ship 07 Div 244]

I know its so hard right now, my boyfriend of almost 3 years left 6/12... Its hard at first but trust me it gets better, and when that first letter comes its one of the best feelings ever, Ive seriously read that letter over abd over. My boyfriend was not a big romantic before he left, and he has definatly changed... Those letters are sweet and sappy:P Try not to worry about his feelings towards you dissapearing and you guys growing apart. If anything this will bribg your relationship closer. Just keep writing him letters and keep yourself busy.. I promise it will get better once you start communicating.

[karmennicole Ship 07 Div 244]

(sorry for the typos)

[dukelvr]

Oh, when I get his letter I will probably burst into tears. And I know 100% that I will read it all the time, I just hate waiting! And I hope he's sweet in his letters! He's a pretty sweet guy, but I feel like the navy is going to toughen him up and he's going to lose all that. I hope not! I'm still waiting to hear from his mom to let me know that she got the box with all his stuff in it and the letter with his address. I still haven't heard anything, so I'm anxiously waiting. How long does it take from when he leaves that you actually get his address??

[kage39]

I got the address about a week and a half later but they say a week.

[dukelvr]

Oh, okay..thank you so much!! The whole 2 weeks no contact rule really sucks!! I didn't know about that until the day before he left :( Where's the fast forward button when you need one?

[kage39]

Of course! Yeah i had no idea about that rule either, they kinda surprise it on ya :/ but taht first letter, it literally knocked me off my feet have a chair behind you! Im glad i did. But think of it this way those 8weeks of boot camp imagine u got to see him everyday and then take all that love and when u actaully do get to see him it will be all concetrated into that first time he gets to hold u again. Thats whats keeping me going :))