Boyfriend left 6/25/12...need some support!!

[dukelvr]

Okay, so I'm brand new to this site and let me just say, it's comforting to know that others are going through the same thing I am. However, the pain is still here and I can't seem to escape from it. I've dated my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and we did have a break in that time frame. During that time is when he decided to sign up for the navy. Lets just say, I was devastated. I always told myself I wouldn't date someone in the military, now look at me. So like I said, he left on Monday the 25th, today is Saturday the 30th, and all I seem to know how to do is cry. He called me at 12:45 EST (so technically early, early Tuesday morning). It was a minute phone call and he said he would call me in 2 weeks, I hope that's true. I've already written him a letter, even sent him FB messages even though he wont get it for 8 weeks. I just feel horribly alone right now, and my biggest fear is that we are going to grow apart and he wont want me anymore. Thinking that upsets me more and brings on a waterfall of tears. These 2 weeks are going to be hard, since we can't have any calls or letters. I just wanted to hear other stories and if there is any advice y'all can give me. I'm trying to stay busy, but it doesn't seem to help. It seems like I think of him every minute of the day, and I just can't get him out of my head. I'm worried, scared, and I just want that feeling to end. I'm already picturing when he calls me and I feel like all I'll be able to do is cry because I've missed his voice so bad. But anyway, sorry for the rant. I just feel like I could meet others that understand what I'm going through. Anything will help!!!

[sea_sick]

It is like you are writing from my experiences. My sailor and I started dating in HS over 6 years ago. We were together for 3.5 years and then broke up the summer before college, even though we were going to the same school. Over the next two years we rarely talked and when we did it was not very nice. This Christmas he texts me and asks if he could come over and I said yes. He ended up apologizing for everything he did and saying that he missed me and that his biggest regret in the world was how he treated me toward the end of our relationship. We hung out and kissed and reconnected, but that was all. He left for boot camp early jan. and we wrote a few letters back a forth. Then out of no where he called me up and told me he had never stopped loving me and he thinks about me every day and that he still wants to have a future with me and he has never been as happy with anyone else and he wants me back and all of that. So we have been dating since then. He flew me to CA for a couple of days, he came back home for 6 days a month ago, and when he graduates from his MN school I will either fly to CA or he will be back here and then he will deploy for at least a year. It is hard. I worry about all of the things that could happen to him and that could happen to us. But one thing that has changed with him since he joined is that he is more protective and wants what is best for me. He is growing up and that is allowing him to make up for the time that we were apart and he was acting like a child. It is hard. I spent FOREVER crying when he left. I lost a ton of weight when he left. I fell asleep holding his letters and praying for him to want to be with me again (that was before he called me up). I drove over an hour to go get his letters when he did send one. Every song made me think of him. Every romantic movie made me think of him. I thought of him constantly no matter what. It does get better. Every week brings a little more acceptance. You will still miss him, but you will start to be more interested in how you can make it easier on him and how you can support him. Don't worry about growing apart. His whole world is changing and he will hold to the one constant that he has, you. 

[dukelvr]

Wow, that's just amazing. All I can say is, you are SUCH a strong person!! Is he going active or something?? The fact that he is going to be gone for such an extended period of time touches me so much! That thought terrifies me because I don't think I could do it; I couldn't be that strong. My boyfriend told me he wouldn't go active, and I pray that he doesn't. But ultimately it is his decision. I know he has basic for 8 weeks and then his A-School. He said it will take 6 months, and after seeing what you said, 6 months seems like nothing. I am just truly amazed how many women have men out there right now. I never realized it until I became one of those women..it's kind of crazy. And I completely agree with you, every little thing reminds me of him! He left me his comforter and pillow so I sleep with them every night! (Even though I have 7 other pillows on my bed!) Haha. He even gave me some of his cologne that he always uses. I'll admit, his comforter has lost that "smell" that reminded me of him, nothing bad..it was just a "him" smell..very comforting. So I've sprayed the cologne and just envision that he his here with me. (Sounds corny, but I feel like I need it). I hope it does get easier week to week. Just this time last week we were spending the night together, our last night before he had to leave. I would give anything to have that moment again right now though. By the way, I love your last sentence..that really had me wanting to cry..I'm an overly-sensitive person anyway. But even though I don't know you, that really meant a lot. Thank you!!!

[kage39]

Hahaha it doesnt sound weird at all about he comforter thing, my bf gave me a stuffed animal i got him for valentines day from on his bed and i then i stole some of his shirts and wrap it around the lion :) i totally ge the smell thing.. U never realize it til its not there.. Hahaha.

[dukelvr]

Yeah, it's kinda sad :( I'm like, "It's only been a week, why doesn't it smell like him anymore!" But yeah this time last week we were spending our last couple hours together. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I don't see how I'm going to get through these 6 months. I'm hoping it's just 6 months anyway, I'm not even completely sure though.

[amor]

wait, what do you mean six months?? boot camp is only two months, don't worry!! then a-school, then he goes to wherever he's stationed. but the minimum the guys have to sign up for is 4 years of active duty.

[dukelvr]

Well yeah boot camp is 2 months, and then his A-School. I think he told me everything would take 6 months, like hopefully he will be back in January. And what do you mean, "the minimum the guys have to sign up for is 4 years of active duty"? My boyfriend said he wasn't going to go active...so does that mean he has too??

[amor]

Ohhhh he's in the reserves?? Different, I don't know about that then, sorry, I just know the minimum for active duty is four years. Sorry for my confusion!

[dukelvr]

Well, I know he was thinking about going active..but I really didn't want him too. But I mean, he's going to do what he's going to do. So do they put the reserves and the active people together in boot camp?? I figured it would be a separate thing or something.

[dukelvr]

Well I don't think the cologne he gave me is going to last the whole time he's gone! I'm trying not to use it so it will last lol. But I'm just waiting..and waiting to hear something. I'm so curious what he is up to and everything, I hate not knowing anything that is going on. I've written him a couple letters so far, but I'm not sure of the address. I'm trying to think of something special to do, but I really have no idea. I know you can't send them a lot of stuff, and I don't want him getting in trouble. All I know of to send him are pictures.

[sea_sick]

You are very welcome. We are here for each other. I know that I would have lost my mind without this site, and that may still happen once he deploys soon. My sailor doesn't wear cologne, but he left one of his shirts at my apartment when he visited last month and you better believe I fell asleep clutching to that thing all of the time! I already told him that I get another one once I see him again. It's not corny, it's comforting. It brings peace and assurance. But it can also make you sadder. And you will never know how strong you can be until you risk losing the person you want to grow old with. That's when you know that you will do whatever it takes to hold it together. And you learn how strong you have to be in order to support someone who is as strong as our men are. It's a difficult life. It can be hellish. But those seconds of being in their arms or a 20 second phone call saying "I love you but I am dead on my feet and can't talk. I miss you." those letters in the mail where seeing his handwriting on the envelope makes your heart almost explode. Those things make it worth it. 

[dukelvr]

Well, I haven't received a phone call yet. All I have gotten was one saying he made it safely and it was only about a minute long. How long do the phone calls usually last? And how many do you usually receive while they are in basic? I'm still waiting on an address...it's been a week now since he has been gone. Well, he landed in GL like at 10:00 PM last Monday. So I'm not sure if they consider that Monday or Tuesday his first day.

[amor]

My boyfriend got a total of four including the "I'm a Sailor" call, but there are only two to three DEFINITE calls---the "I got here safe" 30-second call you already received, and the "I'm a Sailor" call when they pass Battlestations. The in-between call I received, which your boyfriend told you you would get in two weeks (but which will probably take longer unless his division does exceptionally well) is dependent upon the RDC's and how well the division does. Sometimes the ability to make that call is revoked if they don't do well. My boyfriend was lucky enough to be placed in a really great division and they did really well, so they got surprised with ANOTHER bonus call about two weeks before Battlestations, so in total he got four calls, the "I'm here", the "Midway" call, a bonus call, and the "I'm a Sailor" call---however, once they pass Battlestations, they are officially sailors and their last week is pretty relaxed. They are allowed to go to "Recruit Heaven" almost every day if they have time---which has computers, phones, a store, a Taco Bell, etc. So my boyfriend even got to go on Facebook this past Saturday, and I got to talk to him on the phone two days in a row! Friday when he passed BS, then Saturday while he was at "Recruit Heaven". He said he would probably get to call today but I don't think they were able to get down there today. I'm so close at this point that I don't even mind. Haha! Three days! Don't worry! I was in your place two months ago---the time doesn't fly by while you're going through it, but one day you'll wake up and be almost there! :)