Son leaves on July 23rd, and Im not ready!

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

This site has been such a shoulder for me to cry on, I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for their truth, advice, and support. Like most moms I have read about, I have the endless list of questions and fears (let's not talk about the tears, because they're streaming as I speak!) I feel like the tears are always streaming, and noone but the moms on this site can understand. It feels like Im walking in a continuous cloud of grief and fear, mixed with an equal amount of pride and excitement. I know this time is about my son and all he has prepared for and excited to start doing, and I should be celebrating him and his dedication (which I am doing, believe me) but I feel more often than not, Im hiding somewhere just sobbing. He leaves in 2 weeks and I just cannot imagine how I will make it, when I cant even get through this post without the ugly face cry! Everyone I know thinks Im crazy, that this is not the end of the world (and yes, Ive gotten a few dummies who try to compare their sadness of sending their kids off to college to mine!) I know people are trying to help and be supportive, but they just dont get it. The women here seem to get it - and although it might bring out more tears for me to read through some of your experiences, I cry because I can relate and its as if your describing what Im going through. You are able to put my pain into words, and it does help to feel understood. Even my husband, who is also upset our son is leaving - seems to carry himself so differently, approach it all so differently even behind closed doors. It makes me almost resent him, foolishly thinking he is secretly happy to be shuffling our kid off so he can have me all to himself. I dont know, Im sure its just my hormonal craziness!!

There is one thing I have been noticing, and havent read much about it and wondered if anyone else is experiencing the same...my son is a family oriented kid. Always has been. We have always been close. He started to become a little distant a little argumentative about 2 months ago as he was seeing the beinning of his next step (high school graduation, boot camp approaching, etc) I sort of ignored it, it went away a little (or maybe I just learned to deal with it) The past week or so, he is very closed off and just...rude. Its so unlike him. He has had some disappointment in his recruiter (started out wonderful, then job offers changed due to vision requirements, promised to reclassify him & never did now the recruiter has been replaced by 2 others and he is now just a mentor. Andrew has a job he really didnt want, and feels stuck). Anyway, he is excited to leave, I know he is nervous as well - but is this a normall process? A way of detaching maybe? He just plays his xbox & computer ALL day everyday. He thinks he knows EVERYTHING there is to know about bootcamp. I mention I read this or that on this site and he just rolls his eyes and gives a snotty comment. At times he makes me wish he were leaving the next day so he can see what ive been trying to say, but then that worries me that he will get a dose of reality that is too harsh for him! I dont know what to do - Ive tried pushing him for info, Ive tried just talking to him, offering anything and everything I can think of and it doesnt seem to help. We've beein doing some family stuff to help build memories, and he joins in and seems to enjoy himself - his nastiness seems to be directed toward me. Maybe Im imagining it, maybe Im looking for more than he is able to give. but I dont think so. I definitely dont want to mention this to the recruiter (the 2 new ones we've yet to meet) because I dont want him cast in a negative light, especially with just 2 weeks to go. I was just hoping to read that others have experienced something similar to this and that this is all normal.

Anyway, thank you for allowing me to read your posts, sympathize with your struggles, and give me the comfort zone to vent my own. It really does help in so many ways! This is my first post, and Im sorry if it was on the long side (but hey, you read it! ;)) I just had alot to get out and thank you for. I would love to hear from you, thanks again!

[Alvarezmom]

Worriedmama. Thank for your words of encouragement. I have told my son how proud I am of him and his life choice and reassured him that mom will be ok and that I will do anything for him. I let go do what he wants at this point but it still hurts not being able to spend what previous time I have left with him. We will be packing the rest of his room tomorrow I hope I can stay strong!!! I'm glad I was informed of this site it has been a God send since no seems to understand how I feel right now. Where is your SR swearing in at? Mine is going to Louisville. After MEPS he waits for plane to Great Lakes. I would love to keep in contact and hopefully we will meet.

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

Just a thought.....I wanted to say some things to my son without crying before he left, so a day or two before he left for GL, I wrote him a letter.  That way, he could read it in privacy - at his time - and not be worried about being emotional if he was around others. Also, I could express all my feelings and not be crying.  Just told him how proud of him I was and how much I loved him, etc.

[cynthia/Matt'smom@SanDiego/FN]

Hello!  I am a new mom of a Bootcamp son of just 3 days.  My son also showed the same type of behaviors prior to leaving.  Staying to himself, playing video games, not getting enough information from him, lol.  I know it is hard, but I went ahead and just bit my tongue and tried to enjoy each moment.  I am missing him and feeling all the same emotions you have described, and yes, only moms seem to understand. My husband (son's step dad) can't figure out why I am feeling like this and all I could say is "REALLY" lol!  The day we waited at MEPS for my son to leave was so emotional, but he kept his spirits high and seemed to be hyper, this is normal, they try to be strong for moms and family, as well as for themselves.  I am so glad I was given this site by our Recuiter, he has been excellent in this journey.  Hope to see many more posts from you and we will try to help one another along the way.  I have been anxious since he left and am trying to learn all I can so I can support him in every way.

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

Aww, Cynthia - 3 days in. My stomach flips just to think of that. Actually, this time next week I will be where you are now. Things with my son have gotten better, or maybe just easier now that I have had many moms compare their sons and daughters with mine. I hear alot about "the box", Im assuming you havent gotten it yet? Im so afraid of getting it!! Moms on this site talk about not being able to go in their kids rooms or touch their stuff after they leave, and well...that will drive me insane because his room is a pigs stye!! Haha, so I decided this afternoon to go up and clear some stuff out, with the hope of it being easier to do since I know he is still "home" and nothing is as sentimental. It really worked for me! I cleared out 3 large trash bags of clothes I know he will never wear again, some old school stuff, just whatever I couldnt imagine him needing anywhere! The room isnt entire cleared, but a huge chunk of it has been done (of course by me and me alone!) but whatever, I wouldve been doing it when he was gone anyway right? I do understand what you mean with your husband, I swear mine is taking it so casually I could just punch him in the face sometimes! Haha, not really, but one could dream! That is a great idea you had, writing the letter so you could say all the important things. I think I will do that, and give it to him while he is riding to Meps. Give him something to do on the bus, and a chance to respond (if he wants) when we meet him there. I did buy a few of his favorite candies for the trip up, as a little "care package". Each time he has gone on a school trip, I have packed him some snacks and he has always looked forward to that. its all so bittersweet, you want to do al the little things to show them you rmemeber and care - yet just thinking about what you want to do gets you all teary eyed!! I will grab a card to stick in the bag of treats, thanks for the idea! Hang in there, and definitely keep in touch with me - it makes things so much easier when you have someone to go through it with! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hope to talk with you soon!

[Fancy Nancy]

Worried Mama,

I am praying for you and your SR this morning. I was in your shoes 11 weeks ago and I feel your pain.  The hardest part was being totally cut off from my son.  This is why this site is your lifeline.  N4Ms was my online support group and I felt comforted reading the questions, comments, and feelings because I felt more connected with my son.  You will become closest to the moms in your division or PIR group.  Just knowing that your son is connecting with their sons is very comforting.  It got to the point where my SR said in his letters that I knew more about what was going on than he did!

Once the letters start coming, you will feel better. Before you know it, you will get a phone call and you will be on cloud 9.  Remember that we are here for you.  Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside.  You have many compassionate moms here who listen and understand.

Take care and do something for yourself today.  

[Alvarezmom]

Well I guess I am officially a boot camp mom now. He left yesterday for GL. Still havent gotten the "I'm here call". A little worried. But he did borrow a phone from another recruit to call from airport and sent a picture. I'm numb at this point. Trying to be strong and everyone keeps telling me that he will be ok and when I see him again he will be different. I think that's the problem. I sent him a young a man and knowing when I see him at graduation he will be a man. The boy I knew will no longer exist. So I guess I'm mourning. Please tell me this is normal.
In meeting his recruiter the day he left for MEPS was disappointing. He totally forgot that he arranged to come and get my son then he got lost. Lol. I tried to ask questions while he was here but he had no answers. My belief he was dumbfounded to see that I knew what questions to ask and the terms (thanks to this site ). Anyone else have a SR that arrived at GL yesterday? I'm anxious to talk to anyone in same position as me.

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

I can relate to the part where you said everyone tells you it will be ok, but the boy you know will no longer exist. Thats where I struggle the most. I LOVE the boy I sent in. Was he perfect? No. But he was to me. And I dont want him to change - he is very close with me, he is definitely a mamas boy in every sense of the word!! I worry he will come back distant and completely changed. Although I am very relieved he will learn to be independant and to do for himself, I fear he will be closed off. Does that make sense?

We also had problems with the recruiter. He left the day before my son was to leave, he never filed important paperwork, he dropped the ball when it came to our son. That made matters all the worse! Our sons must've arrived together, Tuesday? Im so excited to finally speak with him, see how it is all going for him. Wouldnt it be funny if they knew eachother? haha! Please, keep in touch and let me know how it all goes for you and your son!

[Rox (FN-EM/Nuke School)]

Worried Mama, you're honesty is beautiful. It is hard. I figure at this point we have 10 more years before our kids begin to understand us and appreciate that we are concerned, that there are actually things we might know. HA! Although... I have heard that BC alone makes them more appreciative of what they had at home.

My son left us on Tuesday. Like Alvarezmom, I haven't received the 10 sec call. I did get one last call from him when the plane landed though, and we were able to record it. So for that, I'm happy. I am trying to change my motto now to, 'no news is good news.'

I am anxious to see if any of our kids will be together in the divisions that come out for their PIR group. Hang in there. It will get better.

[Rox (FN-EM/Nuke School)]

Hubby just sent me pictures of "the box." It came today.