Career

[cesimon929]

I think my bf wants to make the Navy his career, I really don't want that. Any advice? 

[michelledubicki]

i would support it. i didnt want my boyfriend to do it either at first but the more he talked about it the more he got ecxited. its a good change for anyone i think. i dont know that much about it yet, but they meet alot of great people and get to travel,so just talk to him about it and you learn alot of stuff on here.

[cesimon929]

I understand that there are a lot of great benefits to being in the Navy but at the same time those are just things that make him happy. They typically make me very unhappy so if we are going to have a life together then we need to find something that makes us both happy. 

[Anti M]

Probably no advice you want to hear. 

What's the plan instead of the Navy?  Is he interested in doing something else?  He won't have enough GI Bill for a degree, are you going to work and put him through school?  What types of jobs are in your area?  What rate is he?  How long has he served?  Why don't you want him to stay Navy in this bad economy?  

Don't make him choose between you and a Navy career.  That rarely ends well.  

[cesimon929]

He wants to get a degree and I hope he finds something that he likes more. I am almost finished with my degree so I would want to put him through school. There are alot of jobs in my field and he is a GM- E5. He has been in for 2 years and wants to enlist for shore duty, which is fine. I would rather be happy and struggling with money than be completely unhappy and apart and have some money. The way I look at it is obviously I don't want him to chose between me and the Navy but if he can't choose me then he can't have me. 

[Anti M]

Why can't you marry and go live with him if he gets shore duty?  You're almost done with your degree, so you could sacrifice a bit and see how shore duty goes.  You'd be with him full time except for a duty day now and then.   Or are you not up for any personal sacrifice such as leaving your family?  And "hope he finds something"?  He HAS found something he likes, but it isn't something YOU like more.   And what of he never finds that something?  Will he resent you for that choice he made?

Money can make or break a relationship, don't kid yourself.  Usually the #1 reason married couples argue.  

Can't have you?  You DO want him to choose you.  I don't know you, but what you are posting sounds like you're not open to his desires and dreams.  

[cesimon929]

I am planning on going and moving with him for shore duty. I am already making the sacrifices that you are talking about; leaving my family etc.... Also, I am putting off getting my degree for an entire year while he is deployed so that we can be together and I can afford to be with him. Yea, he has found something that he likes but there is so much to life, how do we know there isn't something that he likes more? If he doesn't find something that he likes the military life is always there to go back to. I understand that money can make or break a relationship but we were both raised in households that had little to no money for the most part of our lives and I know that what we have is far more deserving than to put a monetary value on it. Obviously I want him to chose me, but don't kid yourself, it is a career and a dangerous one at that. It is an option not something that he has to do. I have all the care in the world for his dreams and his desires, maybe I think he is too good for the Navy and he can strive for more. 

[Anti M]

I was in the Navy, married to Navy. Raised Navy while we're at it.  I have been there and done that.  It was a terrific life and has given me and my husband immense security and experiences beyond imagining, all over the world.  It has never been just about the money, being active duty provided the most challenging times in my life, and the most rewarding.  Not financially, for sure.  Although having my husband pull a retirement pension and full medical at age 38 for him and for me, for life, has been a blessing a relief.   Was my pride, and that of my husband,  of serving a "lost cause"?  Hell no.  

And no, your sailor can't "go back" to the military, all the services are so overmanned he'd not stand much of a chance to go back in.  

Dangerous?  Sure, but life is dangerous.  The sailor who died recently was at the damn movies.  His freaking ship was safer than a damn movie.  You make me laugh, and I know the stakes.  

You've obviously made up your mind, why are you asking here, where so many of us are pro-Navy?  Were you truly looking for advice, how to sway him, or validation that you're right to want something different than he wants?  Are you practicing your ultimatum to him here?  

[cesimon929]

I was hoping someone here shared a similar experience and was willing to say "well doing this worked but when I said things this way it didn't work" I wasn't expecting to be attacked by a bunch of folk telling me that they clearly know more about they Navy than I do. I could give two dimes about knowing the Navy. You chose to be in the military and being in the military and then married to someone in the military is probably a lot different then being a civilian and married into the military. I figured this site was about support, not a competition of who has more experience. I'm pretty sure that both me and my boyfriend can have plenty of life experiences without being involved in the military. People do it every day. It is the close minded american-ness of it all that leads everyone to think so close minded as such. Also, that movie theatre incident killed 12 people how many people in the service have lost their lives? I would bet my left leg that being in the military is far more dangerous than a "damn movie". 

[briana&isaiah forever]

Too good for the Navy? What exactly do you mean by that? Was he already in when you guys got together, or did he decide on this after you began your relationship but it wasnt what you wanted?

[cesimon929]

I mean that this man is so hardworking and so smart that he could be the president if he wanted to. I think in life you should always strive for more.

[KaylaRae]

Cesimon, we tried to help you in the chat but honestly I think you are the one that is close minded. You knew he was military before you started dating and yet you chose to date him anyway. You said he enjoyed, hence wanting to make a career of it and if you fight him about it you two may not last.

There are many hardworking and smart people in the Navy and the military in general and they are completely happy with their choice. 

Of course being in the military is more dangerous than a movie, you are not suppose to be shot at during a movie. That movie theater happened an hour from where I live, I know several people who had friends there. Also 2 Sailors and an Airman died in that shooting... 3 men who choose to serve their country only to be killed by one of their own in their own country. 

[cesimon929]

I fell in love with the man, not the man with the Navy career. Him being in the Navy is a job as far as I see it and is a job in the eyes of many other military members. I'm not saying that there aren't smart and hardworking men and women in the Navy, but there are things that I know he can achieve and that he wants to achieve outside of the navy. I understand about the movie theatre in fact one of my friends was in the theatre I used to live in Fort Collins and I know the area and many people that live there very well. But saying that a movie is just as dangerous as being in the military because of one incident is a little ignorant.