New Navy Girlfriend¡ Pro or Con

[bittersweet914]

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years rec,ently joined the navy. He is due to leave for boot camp October 29th 2012, but his recruiter put in a request for him to leave early which is very stressful because everytime his phone rings I'm on edge thinking that is the call that will instant take him from me. His occupation is an ABE Aviation Boatsmate Equipment. I'm looking forward to this long emotional rollercoaster ride and I'm seeking friends with the same emotions to assist me with getting through it. Does being a Navy girlfriend have more Pros or Cons?

[Anti M]

Sometimes the timing is never just right with the Navy.  Sometimes you just have to jump in and get married.  It is a very personal, very individual to the couple decision.  

Personal rant:   if the "perfect timing" involves putting it off for a white dress and a party you've always dreamed of, well, meh.  The marriage matters more than the wedding day.  I'm not a fan of white weddings, they're expensive, stressful and create expectations of a perfect day.

If waiting until both "feel ready"... that can be problematic.  I never felt ready.  After 25 years of marriage, sometimes I still do not.  That's what pre-marital counseling and a timeline are for, moving you from a GF to a finance to a spouse.  Some guys will play house for years and years, even have children with you, and shy away from marriage.  That just sucks.

If waiting means finishing school, if it means becoming more mature, if it means saving money for your move/first place, if it means going through pre-marital classes and counseling, then waiting is valid.  

Sorry, rant over....  

[sailorwifenmom]

AMEN to that. It depends on what you're waiting for. If it's because you want the huge dream wedding, and you're going to live apart from your Sailor until you can have that, then deep down it's probably more about the party than the person.

You're going to spend enough time apart because the Navy says you have to, so you really need to be sure that if you're choosing to be apart that you have some pretty strong reasons - ones that will help you and your marriage in the end.

And yes, honestly, it is easier in many ways for a spouse than it is for a girlfriend. There's more support in place (above and beyond the financial) for spouses, things that just aren't available for girlfiends.

Anti M, I bet it was hard in some ways to get out that close to Chief. I was nowhere near that when I got out and there have been times I've missed it. But, it was the right choice for our family too, and I have no regrets - if I could do it again I would make the exact same choice.

[Anti M]

Yes and no.  I'd just had my second ectopic pregnancy, so I was in a very bad place mentally, no way I could have given the advancement process my full attention.  I do wonder what it would have been like, what type of chief I would have been, but in the long run, I made the right choice.

I think most sailors miss a lot about the Navy when they get out.  It can't replace family, but it leaves very deep impressions on a soul.  

[Ashley-PO2 Spouse]

Anti M now that's tough to give up! I was only a 3rd, so it wasn't so hard. but you know what they say about ac's if you make second you can make cheif. lol

[Anti M]

Yeah.  I was an ET1, so it was hard... but not so difficult given I was just out of the hospital for emergency surgery, sick and mentally crushed (2nd ectopic pregnancy).  My command was jerking me around, they wanted me to extend for a year, but then I'd go to Cali and hubby would stay in Yokosuka for two more years.  No way.  So they said I had to go to Treasure Island to separate, including a freaking seabag inspection.  I don't know a single first class who still had their complete boot camp issue on hand after that many years.  I'd be out a ton of money refilling the seabag to inspection levels.  My husband threatened to call Fraud, Waste and Abuse because I was coming back to Japan as a dependent, and all that money on flights and berthing and so on could be saved if they'd just process me locally.  He won.

Funny, when I separated, they cancelled my chief's exam.  But someone wasn't careful and cancelled my hubby's exam instead!  His first name is ahead of mine alphabetically and no one checked the SSN.  He ended up taking my exam!