Missed his phone call and feel AWFUL.

[Juliette]

So I posted here a little while ago after my fiance left for boot camp. I never received the "I'm here" phone call - and after much research and speaking to some of you - most told me sometimes it doesn't happen and you'll have to wait a few weeks to hear from him. So I accepted that. I haven't really had my cell phone glued to me all day and night because I just figured nothing would be happening for a bit. Well, foolishly, yesterday - mid afternoon, around 3:30pm - I was in my bedroom writing him a letter - ironically, and after I had finished I went out to my living room and looked at my phone. THREE missed calls...all in a matter of 3 minutes. I felt like death. He left me a voicemail and he sounded angry...a bit confused, upset and just not himself. He was pissed that he had ONE chance to call family and I didn't answer. After listening I cried for like 2 hours. Went to my mom's...cried to her. I just felt neglectful, upset and just so angry that I missed it. I had waited for it after he arrived! I stayed up half the night waiting. But then after feeling terribly guilty and upset I kind of got angry. I know he's probably going through SO much right now....but to be a bit mean to me? It was an accident I missed that call, and for the very small second he had time to yell...he could of said something kind, like he missed me....I've been writing to him since he left! It just has disappointed me now and don't know what to think.

I feel terrible still.....i wrote to him last night telling him I wasn't happy with that call. During the voicemail he told me he was fine, mentioned they were waiting on him while calling and then said it was hard and just stuttered for a second and told me to expect a letter from him in 3 weeks...just not him...and it worries me that this experience might change him - I dread it so badly. And the worst part is missing that call and knowing I won't hear from him again for quite a while. Ugh :(

[tiffanyk2010]

Just be patient and understanding with him. BC is hard and they get so tired. We are literally their lifelines. My husband was able to call for the first time a month into BC. I happened to be passing through an area that had no service. Thank goodness he called back a couple of minutes later! I didn't even know I had missed his call. When I got off the phone with him I had a voicemail from him from the first missed call and he just sounded so sad. What a relief that we were actually able to talk!! Just know it is a stressful time for everyone and extend some grace to each other. It will be over soon. :)

[Juliette]

I know. It's very hard. It really bugs me though - he called acting as if I purposely missed the call. Which of course, was never my intention. And I know this is not easy for him - but he choose to do this and take on this new adventure, and even though he's stressed, he knew what to expect. I don't think his anger should be thrown at me - especially when this is far from easy for me....I've been having a very hard time since he left. I don't know - this whole experience isn't fun. I know it's only temporary but still....it's just not easy. I'm suffering just as much as him, just in a different type of way. I wouldn't of called him angry and yelling because he couldn't believe I wasn't picking up. The least he could have done is leave me a nice message, where it was something I could listen to a few times during the week until I heard his voice again. Just very disappointed....and worried.

[aoGIRL93]

the anger is just a way of dealing with his emotions. just love him. and tell him that. send him pictures of you guys together. tell him how proud you are because you know how difficult this is. even though its hell for you. graduation is coming soon and after that he will be able to call you video chat and text you everyday. keep something to look forward to. i know its tough. just wait for that "I'm a Sailor" call. it will come soon!!

[aoGIRL93]

trust me. i know how you feel. i missed both of those calls as well. but. i wrote him every single day. and i had my phone on me all the time after that. it gets better. my husband sounded like he was about to cry in his voicemail. its nothing personal. just write him everyday. even if its little stuff. just something. its the little things that will keep him sane.

[Juliette]

Thanks for the kind words...and advice - it does help. It's so hard to really express to any friends or family what I'm dealing with right now. I hate the separation and I hate the zero communication. It's so hard to have your phone glued to you 24/7...but I've been trying after that accidental missed call. I feel guilt ridden because I'm sure he wanted to talk for a minute. As i did as well.....Is it terribly wrong that I wrote him a letter last night and expressed my disappointment for his anger? I mean, it was hurtful....I just really wish his form letter with his info would arrive already. I just want to send my letters out. It's so very hard to stay positive! Does this boot camp change them at all? I'm fearful of that....

[keikilani]

I'm sorry you missed him.  I would be totally bummed too! :/ I wouldn't take his reaction personally though.  It seems that they are under a lot of pressure in there. Just remember that he loves you.  He was probably just disappointed that he didn't get to talk to you, just as you are with him.  I would hold off on getting upset with him in a letter.  By the time he gets the letter, he will probably have already forgotten about how he acted in the call or feel badly about it himself already.  I know it's tough, but you have to remember how tough it is for them too.  They are bound to be a little different you know?  It may not seem this way,  but it is easier on us.  Although, it is hard, we have family, friends and familiarity.  That is stripped away from them while they are in there. You know? As hard as it is and as much as you want to express that it hurt you, I would hold off until you can actually talk to him.  It is one thing to argue in person or over the phone, but it's a whole other element to argue in letters.  I would keep the letters as upbeat and happy as possible.  He will appreciate your love and support over anything else. I would just simply state, "I am very sorry that I missed your call. I know it must have been hard for you, but I wasn't expecting it.  It wasn't my intention, but just know that I would have loved nothing more than to hear your voice."  (Something to that extent) :) Hang in there girl.  The hard part is almost over.  Just think of this as a major test for your guys relationship! If you can get through this, you can get through most things! My guy has been in about two weeks now and it's tough, but I couldn't be more happy for him or proud of him!  

[briana&isaiah forever]

I'm very sorry that you missed his call! :( Maybe he will get another in a couple of weeks. Just keep your head up. As far as his voicemail, he was probably just hurt and disappointed cause he definitely wants to talk to you just as bad as you do him...I hear that its often very emotional for recruits when they finally get that call but dont connect with anyone. I imagine it was probably more upsetting for him than you even! He knows you didnt miss it on purpose. The beginning of bootcamp is extremely difficult and emotional for many recruits. Be patient with him. Explain what happened, and Im positive he will understand! Its 10 times harder on them than it is for us, when my SR finally got to cal a month in (didnt get the first call with his div cause he ended up being the one to get watch duty :/) when I said hello, he sounded like he was on the brink of tears. They are going through a lot, but trust me, it will get better for both of you. And you'll get another opportunity to talk to him soon enough! :)

[Juliette]

No worries, I never argued with him in the letter. I just let him know I was a little upset with how he sounded. I just wanted him to realize it hurt me just as much to miss that call. And i realize it's extremely tough for them - so I would never try to create an argument through a letter - it would never be worth my time! I just wanted him to realize that missing that call had me very regretful. I think the worst part was when he said I would get a letter from him in 3 weeks - which seems like an ETERNITY to me! :( I'm just trying to hang in there...as hard as this is. Sometimes you never know what could go through someone's head if they didn't get to connect with you over the phone. I just don't want him thinking I purposely missed it. I just wish I could get these letters out to him already.....the form letter couldn't come fast enough. I couldn't imagine what he's dealing with right now. So i just want him to realize that I'm thinking about him nearly every second of the day. Oh well...I guess I will just have to be patient and wait :(

[briana&isaiah forever]

You'll be fine...it seemed like years til I got my first letter. Just hang in there. Im pretty sure he knows you didnt miss it on purpose! We have absolutely no way of knowing what moment we might get a call from them, its impossible to predict, which Im sure he realizes. He may have been a little hurt and emotional, but he will be fine as time passes and so will you! The best thing you can do is just pray for him every single day. It may not seem like it right now, but its gets a little easier and you'll get a little stronger each day! Hang in there! Feel free to friend request/message me if you ever need to talk to someone! :)

[Juliette]

thank you! and yes...i'll add you as a friend :) it's amazing the kind people i've met here since joining...it really helps me out so much since my family/friends have no clue what I'm really dealing with...I'm very new to the military lifestyle..so i'm just trying to adjust. It's a shame I had missed that call too, because I was doing much better since I was the first few days - that missed call just made me even more upset that I've been! But as I heard time heals all...so hopefully once we start getting each others letters things will feel better. Thank you so very much for the advice...it really helps :)

[briana&isaiah forever]

You are so welcome! I know exactly how you feel. All this military stuff is so new to me! And my friends and family cant offer much advice as they know just as little as I do! My SR actually comes from a military family (Airforce) so he's a little bit familiar even though certain aspects of the branches operate differently...I've been exactly where you are and still feel some days like I did when he first left. Im very happy to say that I will be going to see him graduate this Friday, so im almost at the end of the road! :) But I know how hard it is...and even though bootcamp is almost behind us, I know that me and my SR still have a long way to go on this new adventure! The only thing we can do is love them, stand by them, support them, and pray for them...A LOT. It never gets to the point where its easy, but it gets a little less hard each day I think! Best wishes to you and your SR :)

[autibug]

It is very emotional for them. My SR had to call me about two weeks in for security clearance information and as soon as he heard my voice he started sobbing!! I have been with my SR for 5 years and had never seen him shed a tear! This is probably the hardest thing he has gone through so I don't think you should take his anger to heart he is just very on edge right now and that was the emotion that came out for him. Hang in there it gets a little easier when the letters start coming. Just remember you never know when that call will come. My phone lives with me and it has served me well cause he has had to call three times for security clearance issues.