Getting married during A school

[trentsbaby]

So my fiancee sent in his first letter that he wanted to get married during his A school in pensacola. He graduates basic on Oct. 19th. We wanted a beach wedding anyway and his recruiter said to wait till A school to get married so trent listened to him. Well all my family lives out of state and so my dad has rented this awsome house in pensacola that we can have everyone stay at and have the wedding at also. We set the date for Nov. 17th which is the only weekend I have off work and also that gave him 4 weeks in A school to hopfully be able to stay the night off base and if not thats ok. But then after all this planning and everyone taking off work I get a phone call from him on saturday saying that he heard because his school is only 5 weeks that he will not be able to leave the base at all. My grandfather is supose to marry us. I've thought about just taking a marriage license down there, us signing it, and getting a priest to sign it and just fill out all the paper work and have the wedding later. But if we are already married then my grandpa wont really be marrying us and then what would be the point. I am really starting to hate the military and so is my fiancee, he hates trying to start our marriage out like this.I don't know what to do. I know it's going to be difficult but why can't anyone answer a question instead of telling him so many different things, I mean it's a simple yes you can leave or no you can't. In his first three letters he said he had talk to a lot of people that went to the same school, like a senior chief that said it would be fine cause he went to school there and we figure he knows what hes talking about. And the past month all hes talked about is how it's going to work. Then right here towards the end he said he might not be able to leave base at all. He came up with the grand idea of going with the wedding and if he can't leave by the time the day comes then we can skype the wedding to him. I just said we will figure something out cause I didn't want to stress him at basic, but I am freaking out. I don't want mine and his family spending all this money going to pensacola to have a wedding without the groom. I'm trying not to stress him out at all as far as he knows everything is ok. UGH!!!

[meagan5220]

I dont think that will be the case. I could be wrong. My husband went to A school and wants to know what his rate is. But he said once he gets his quals and stuff completed he should be able to leave the base. There are phases and once they get phased up they are allowed to leave base. Now in A school they have to fill out a chit (a request) to get married. If they do not fill it out they can get in trouble, even if some people tell him not to he still needs to do it! (My husband was told by his instructors not to fill it out and then he got reamed by hic chief and so did the LPOs that told him no). Also, depending on his job and how long it takes for him to class up (start classes, they do not typically start right away, My husband waited about 3-4 weeks to start classes) that will give him even more time to get it all taken care of.

 

[meagan5220]

PS people in BC arent really going to know specifics of the school unless thats where they went for their training and it was recently. Things change sooo much and so often. My husband was told so many things by his recruiter and his RDCs 90% of it ended up not even being close to true.

[meagan5220]

Sorry to respond again but I did get married down in Pcola so be aware you also need to look up the laws about getting your stuff taken care of down at the courthouse. I am pretty sure yall both have to be there (possibly not) to fill out the paperwork so you can be married and whatnot. As long as neither of you are FL residents there shouldnt be a waiting period.

[Angie]

No one in bootcamp can tell him how things are handled at a different base, as it is a different base.  He will know more info when he gets to that base.

Single Proxy Marriages is what he is talking about doing, you need to look that up to see if it is legal where you are trying to do that at.  Also even if he does that he will still need to do what the Navy requires to get married.  He won't know what they require until he gets to the "A" School, the staff at bootcamp only handle the bootcamp side of things, they don't know the "A" School side of things.

[meagan5220]

hm maybe they changed it recently but a brown bag chit used to be for people to live off base? lol But thats just another example of how things can change from one guy to the next.  I just asked my sailor about it.

 

When they get to phase 3 they can stay off for the weekend, with a liberty buddy if they do not have duty. They have to stay within a certain radius of the base. Again, unless they have changed phase 3 or gotten rid of it. There is a group for Pcola and Corry Station A school that can tell you if there are any new restrictions. Sometimes, the ladies on that group know stuff before some of the sailors (I found out about water issue they were having that was making sailors sick before my sailor did) They will not know when they will be done with A school until they start.

 

 

[meagan5220]

Oh I just meant that a brown bag chit used to be for a sailor to live off base not just to go off base for the weekend. It has been that for as recently as a few months ago. So thats why I was saying things can change.

[meagan5220]

haha my husband and I always say the only thing you can expect to be the same with the Navy is that everything will always change

[abuon18]

Yeah, I've always heard it used as living off base, also called a "live ashore" chit. But like Meagan said things are always changing! And every base has their own take on terms & slang.

[meagan5220]

Yeah In Pcola they typically refered to it as a live ashore or brown bag chit or even packet sometime or even the guys would talk about getting brown bag status (silly boys) lol but that was just the sailors I knew. I had two friends that their sailor's were there long enough for them to live off base with them and they both talked about having to do the brown bag chit

[trentsbaby]

Thanks everyone for your comments I went ahead and decided to postpone the wedding till further notice and just get paperwork done while he is in school. I hate it after all this planing that I have done. But maybe we can have one next year sometime.I'm the type of person who stresses over plans, I have to have things planed out or I go crazy. So this whole new way of life with the navy of never knowing whats going to happen is probly going drive me to drinking.

[Jesse's Girl]

I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! I'm trying to plan a wedding myself and have finally just decided to go to the JP. I've always wanted a wedding but I want to be with my Sailor more than I want a wedding and you have to be married and be on his orders for his duty station in order to go with him. I dont care about a wedding anymore. I just want to marry him and go with him wherever the Navy sends us...course it'll be my luck that we'll get married and then he'll get deployed so I'll be stuck home spending my first year of married life alone -_- I am a big planner too so this is killing me as well. Going out with co-workers for a drink tonight after work for the 2nd time in a week. Not a good sign.

[meagan5220]

They typically get to come home for two weeks after their schooling is over (not always) but you can always try to get some loose plans together for that time period. Just something small with family and friends to celebrate. My husband and I are waiting for our 5 or 10 year anniversary to do a vow renewal ceremony. I am such a planner too! I have learned the best way to cope is to make multiple plans and then each plan has interchangeable subplans that can be switched out jic. Does it mean anything I plan will happen, no but it helps me a lot. It drives me crazy but I have actually stopped drinking since shit hit the fan because it makes my life even crazier and costs too much money (I have a high tolerance lol!).

 

Jesse's Girl unfortunately with the military you spend a lot of your married life apart. My husband and I have now spent 6 months out of over a year and a half of marriage. and 2 of that has been the last two months.