Getting married during A school

[trentsbaby]

So my fiancee sent in his first letter that he wanted to get married during his A school in pensacola. He graduates basic on Oct. 19th. We wanted a beach wedding anyway and his recruiter said to wait till A school to get married so trent listened to him. Well all my family lives out of state and so my dad has rented this awsome house in pensacola that we can have everyone stay at and have the wedding at also. We set the date for Nov. 17th which is the only weekend I have off work and also that gave him 4 weeks in A school to hopfully be able to stay the night off base and if not thats ok. But then after all this planning and everyone taking off work I get a phone call from him on saturday saying that he heard because his school is only 5 weeks that he will not be able to leave the base at all. My grandfather is supose to marry us. I've thought about just taking a marriage license down there, us signing it, and getting a priest to sign it and just fill out all the paper work and have the wedding later. But if we are already married then my grandpa wont really be marrying us and then what would be the point. I am really starting to hate the military and so is my fiancee, he hates trying to start our marriage out like this.I don't know what to do. I know it's going to be difficult but why can't anyone answer a question instead of telling him so many different things, I mean it's a simple yes you can leave or no you can't. In his first three letters he said he had talk to a lot of people that went to the same school, like a senior chief that said it would be fine cause he went to school there and we figure he knows what hes talking about. And the past month all hes talked about is how it's going to work. Then right here towards the end he said he might not be able to leave base at all. He came up with the grand idea of going with the wedding and if he can't leave by the time the day comes then we can skype the wedding to him. I just said we will figure something out cause I didn't want to stress him at basic, but I am freaking out. I don't want mine and his family spending all this money going to pensacola to have a wedding without the groom. I'm trying not to stress him out at all as far as he knows everything is ok. UGH!!!

[abuon18]

When he's in A school it will be much easier. Your plans may still happen so don't lose all hope.... I literally planned my wedding in 3 weeks, also in Florida, also on the beach, also while he was in A school. So yeah it's tough but it can happen. Just hold off on the planning until he's out of A school and I'm sure you will have much less of a headache!

[abuon18]

If I were you I would just postpone the whole thing until he gets to Pcola. Angie is right, there is no one at bootcamp he can ask who will give Hume the right answers. He has to wait until he gets to Pcola and ask his chain of command there. Also he will have to do paperwork, take classes, etc. The first week or two will be Indoc and he may not even start classes for a month or more so I wouldn't worry about him only being there for 5 weeks... His class may only be 5 weeks long but he will definitely be there for more than 5 weeks when you include the Indoc and hold times before class actually starts. I am 95% sure. Classes rarely start right away! It's frustrating but it's even more frustrating to try to figure this out now when 1) he's in boot camp and the communication is only through letters that take days to get to each other and 2) he's not even at the correct base to answer your questions. Just tell your family to hold off on making any definite plans for now but to keep the weekend open because you're still hoping for it to happen, but you won't know more until he is there. The longer you wait to tell them the more upset they will be.

As Navy spouses we need to learn that our "plans" can only be made around the Navy's plans, and the Navy's plans are always changing. I'm sorry this is all becoming so difficult for you, but it's very common. The recruiter tells you one thing, which you find out is wrong once he gets to bootcamp and is told something different, and again that's wrong by the time he gets to A school! And it's not even that it's wrong, it's just changed. What you were told was right AT ONE TIME. But policies and procedures are ever-changing, which is why to get the correct information you need to talk to the base where you will be.

[mrs.jane.rad]

Hey Trentsbaby,

I'm sorry I dont have any answers, I just wanted to say I'm sorry! I've been getting really frustrated myself trying to figure out all the rules of A school. My Husband is in bootcamp now, going to A school in Mississippi when he gets out. We've also gotten a ton of conflicting info on when/if I can move down. We also had to decide, before he went in if we wanted to plan our big wedding, and hope that it worked with his ship out date (which could have been moved up) or have a small wedding. We had been together for almost 11 years and we had to decide all of a sudden what we wanted to do, it felt like I had to give something up at the time by forgoing the wedding of my dreams. In the end we did a tiny ceremony and made it legal with some close family, and when we had more information, time we had all of our friends and family celebrate at a ceremony that my best friend, who I had wanted do the wedding performed.  It wasn't perfect because we had to put it together on such short notice, but it was because we got to share it with the people we loved.  Just dont beat yourself up about being stressed. This is stressful! I hope you're able to get some information soon! 

[abuon18]

P.S. you can not have a marriage by proxy in the state of Florida. Both the bride and groom have to be present. I got married in Florida less than a year ago.