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Marriage?
My fiance is currently in BC.
When would be the best time to get married? A school? C school? or after all the training?
I personally want to wait till I wrap up my degree, at the same time I don't want to lose the chance of being able to move with him.
Views: 199
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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I don't want to panic you, but the earlier the marriage, the easier the Navy is for you. Unfortunately, you have zero status until you are a spouse. If he is ready to marry, it is good to know the realities. You may have good reasons to wait, but if you don't, get on it. Only you and your sailor know what is right for you two.
During A school is the best time if you want a chance to get on his orders to move to his first duty station. It simply is not a matter of moving yourself, it is also getting BAH (housing allowance) initiated early on to avoid out of pocket expenses related to housing. Married sailors get a dislocation allowance, and perhaps home hunting time off... IF the command gives it to them. If they know a married sailor is coming in, they can even set up a sponsor to guide him (and possibly you) through the process.
If he is sent overseas, it gets very complicated very fast (basically, if you're not married before overseas orders, you aren't going, and if he's an E-3 or below, you aren't going).
While he's on leave after A school or C school is best if you want a family wedding.
Now for the downside of marrying during A school: you go there, he has to ask permission in writing and possibly go to counseling/classes. It will be quick and probably on a courthouse. He might not even have the whole weekend off.
If he marries on leave after school, he doesn't have to ask anyone. But his first command/ship will be expecting a single sailor, and not be ready for a spouse who needs help with moving, finding a place and so on.
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Permalink Reply by sailorwifenmom on
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Also keep in mind, depending on his rate, he might have to do special paperwork first, before you get married. My husband has had several Sailors temporarily lose their access (they suspend the clearance they need to get in their buildings and do their jobs, causing a LOT of problems for everyone) because the Sailor got married without telling the Navy first. They've really been cracking down on that, especially in the Intel community (because they also investigate the spouse to see if they are a security risk).
There's nothing that says a Navy spouse can't get a degree, so if thisus the right thing for you, then don't let that be what stops you. In fact, as a spouse of a Jr Sailor, you would even be eligible for certain grants and scholarships that you couldn't get otherwise.... -
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Permalink Reply by Dina0106 on
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His recruiter did talk to us about that, being that he is going to be a "spook". I was told the clearance would be fine as long as I was a citizen and no obvious crap on background and stuff. I do want to get married, my education is also important. I don't know how I'd handle moving to a new place, and all of that other stuff.
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It should be fine, most of the time it is, but they still need to check, so he really needs to tell them first - with enough time for them to process it before you actually get married, first. My husband is a "spook" too, and they get really serious (honestly, more than most recruiters understand, because it's not a rate field that's as "open" to learn about as a lot of them are, and because there are relatively few of them, so sometimes they don't have the full story on it).
It's really not that hard (notifying their command) - it's usually pretty quick and painless (especially since you're a citizen), honestly only becomes a big deal if they don't do it. And unless there's a problem, it comes back pretty fast, too. (Lol - to give you an idea about how serious they are though - when my husband and I got married, we were both CT's - he's an R and I was a T. We were at the same command, same department, different divisions, both with TS clearances. I had to do the paperwork on him and he had to do it on me - they couldn't just cross reference our files...) -
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Spooks, nukes, and SEALs ... yes, the Navy doesn't like it when they show up with a surprise spouse after leave.
LOL, SWM, as ETs with TS clearances, hubby and I married on leave after I left Diego Garcia ... but no one really cares what ETs do as compared to the CT community. We'd already done the damage to our evals by dating at all, I was his relief when he was on the island.
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The moving isn't too bad really. I'm not trying to say that you should or shouldn't marry him - you guys are the only ones who can answer that. I'm just saying that if this is what you want as a couple, it doesn't have to hold you back as an individual - and in some ways, it can help, kwim?
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Little mini vent from me to anyone who will read...
So I know my future mother in law got my fiance's box and info already. I was the one pushing him to send it to her, so she could feel connected to him a little. I assured him, I'd just get the info from her. I ask her about it, she completely ignores me. That woman is such a C****, if I didn't respect my own mother, I would have said something completely wrong to her. I can't talk to him about it it would just stress him out, feeling like he is in the middle yet again. I'm so freaking tired of her pulling this kind of bullshit all the time, I can't help but feel like I am going to take it out him.
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Permalink Reply by meagan5220 on
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ugh :( I feel like my MIL is always trying to start fights with my husband and myself. It makes me so mad because he doesnt see it. I hope it clears up :( Its ridiculous of her to try to cause problems but I have seen that ALOT! My husband recently came home from deployment and a Navy Mom told me if her DIL tried to hug her son before she got to she would push her off the pier! I was like WHAT???
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