Marriage?

[Dina0106]

My fiance is currently in BC.

When would be the best time to get married? A school? C school? or after all the training?

I personally want to wait till I wrap up my degree, at the same time I don't want to lose the chance of being able to move with him.

[meagan5220]

lol she was so serious and so pissy! She lives only a few hours from where they are stationed so I have this fear she will always be at their house. I tried to get her DIL's info so I could make friends with her and she refused to give me her info lol

[Dina0106]

My fiance's mom is always on some power trip even his father can't get a word in EVER!

[sailorwifenmom]

Ugh! I'm so sorry! Can you maybe just write to him and say something like "hey, for some reason your mom and I can't seem to connect for me to get your boot camp info, so if you can send it to me, too, that would be great!"

I am sorry she does that to you! If it's any consolation, even though she got the letter, if he has you on his pir list, there isn't anything she can do about it!

[Dina0106]

I have finals on his graduation date, he knows I won't be there. Actually kind of over it, I've been dealing with her crap for almost to long, him not being here to counter balance it leaves room for me to just tear her to pieces.

[meagan5220]

As far as school goes I would say think carefully about it. Is there any way you can get it finished up before he would get done? I double timed it at the end so I would get done closer to when he would. (finished 3 weeks after he graduated a school) Or is your degree easily transferable? For me, my degree could only be completed at one school in the entire country.. the one I was at lol. But I took three classes in three weeks to finish it up. I took winter and spring innersession courses and took 18 hours every semester but one to get it all finished up. Or would you stay behind while he moved to the duty station. I dont know all the rules about when you have to move after orders or if there are any rules? Maybe someone can help you out with that.

 

But if you can get finished at about the same time he will or can stay behind until you get done then I say do it in A school if at all possible!! It really helped sooo much to be on his orders for our move. I still spent so much out of pocket setting up bills, buying stuff for the house, paying for all the stuff I needed for my dogs to move with me like shots and stuff. But the money they gave up helped ease the burden and I cant even imagine trying to pay for our move on top of it all. We would have used all of our savings for sure. I spent probably about $2000 getting set up, buying stuff for the house, etc. Gas,hotels, deposit, first months rent for me added up to be about another $2500 and then they took care of our move from OK to VA. So in the end saves lots of money and helps out a lot. Also, if you are married when he gets orders you can contact people on the other end at the command and get info and get in contact with Ombudsmans and stuff which is super helpful!

[Dina0106]

Well I have five more semesters left, already doing Fall, Spring, and all of the Summers A & B to crunch time it up. I'll probably talk to him about it for during A school then, I just didn't want to complicate his schooling.

[meagan5220]

Ah I see. Yeah if he starts on it when he first get there he probably wont be in classes. There is usually a hold time before they can start their school so they can get all the paperwork started then. Also, make sure you have your birth certificate, ss card, DL or other form of ID. If you are getting married in A school start looking up the laws for that county about what you will need to do to get married, and if there is a wait time, cost, and any paperwork you need. If you can get all the other stuff taken care of then he can get the military side of it taken care of pretty easily (I can almost promise you the marriage stuff will stress you out more than it will him lol)

[Anti M]

It used to be that staying behind/away was an easy option for spouses, but the Navy is tightening up on "geographical bachelors".  During his schools, it isn't a problem, but once he gets to the new duty station, the spouse is expected to move there fairly soon unless they meet very specific criteria.  School is not one of those conditions. 

Once past school, the BAH will be issued for near his duty station, not for where you are. There used to be a lot of fraud in this, families living in very expensive areas and pulling money for a mortgage, and the sailor getting a free barracks room.  There's been a lot of cracking down on this sort of thing.  

 I cannot find the regulation online offhand, but I've been looking.  (Hit and miss with Navy regs online) Because it didn't used to be an issue, you'll find a lot of us older sailors thinking it won't be a problem.. I've been learning it has moved over from a situation no one cared about to the realm of "not allowed" and even "fraud".   Yes, some couples are still pulling it off, and some commands approve the geo-bach thing, but fewer and fewer are doing so.    Enough so I would suggest not counting on it unless you see it in writing... Navy regulation writing!

[Anti M]

This conversation is enlightening, even though it is a few years old, and notice the gal claiming to get benefits which are fraudulent was banned form the site:

http://www.militarysos.com/forum/military-benefits/286029-geo-bache...

[meagan5220]

Now that you mention it, that made me think of something.. My husband ship did a change of homeport... well last May they said families could no longer move to WA where the ship was stationed. Instead families had to move to VA and the sailors had to go to WA. Even then I know people still had to go through a whole long process of applying for Geo Bach even though they were told thats how they had to do it. I also read an article about the AF doing a BAH audit and lotssss of airmen got in trouble for BAH fraud. It's really bad if they get caught doing it.

[Dina0106]

There are schools everywhere, I once felt like I'd be losing my identity, friends & family. But I've never been apart from my Danny, we've known each other since elementary school. The only thing this distance has taught me is that noting seems to matter more now, than being with him. My mother is probably going to want to wait till I finish my degree, she's right I agree. I did some research on that Geo Bach thing to, A year and a half isn't going to kill our relationship. I just want to be on his orders, it's all up to me to decide what I'm ultimately going to do.