I'm not sure how to tell him...

[Dina0106]

I essentially won't be seeing my fiance for a while. How delicately can I say I'm pregnant in a letter, his mother still has not given me the info. I actually met a girl online, whose bf is in the same place as him but idk how that works.

[abuon18]

There is really no delicate way to say that in a letter. Is he in bootcamp or deployed? What info has his mom not given you, his address?

[Dina0106]

He's in bootcamp, I told him to send his mom his box so she wouldn't feel left out. Then she essentially decided to turn that around and be a (insert not so nice word here) she refuses to give me his address.

[abuon18]

Since he's in bootcamp I suggest waiting. It's only two months and he either won't be able to be appropriately excited for the baby or he won't be able to focus on boot camp and if possible that's the kind of thing you should tell him in person. How far along are you? Since women don't start showing until their second trimester usually and they wait until they are out of their first trimester to share the news with family & friends I think you can get away with not telling anyone until you're able to tell him at his graduation. Congratulations!!

[Dina0106]

I'm not going to his graduation, we lived together. So covering rent and a new car payment leaves no extra cash from my end.

From being in denial for a while, I had a doctor's apt. the other day confirmed it, I'm at 13 weeks. I noticed all the symptoms, ignored it.

Thanks, lol he is going to freak out so that's something I'd want to see in person

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

If he's in bootcamp, wait. My husband (just finished bootcamp in July) says that it will really mess with him and he needs to focus. Write to him, support him and encourage him, then tell him right after he graduates.

I suggest trying to get married as soon as possible after bootcamp so you and the baby get good care. He will not be able to get married until he has permission from his A School chain of command, so don't think graduation weekend. Sailors are specifically told to not get married that weekend.

And, congrats! If you need to talk, want info or have questions, please message me. My hubby just finished A School and we have a 9 month old baby. I know bootcamp is super stressful for us left behind, too, so i hope you have a good support network.

[Dina0106]

I'm not really sure I want to get married right away, all the complications with everything and my schooling. I want to finish my five semesters, not really that excited about moving to a new place with just strangers. He'll rarely be home anyways, thinking about it hard enough. I'd rather be close to him, my friends, and family. Since that is almost impossible, I don't know.

Actually until I found this site, there was no one really to relate to, everyone  just acts awkward about it because they don't know what to say.They're all coupled up, so it's been mostly lonely. If I didn't have two jobs, and school full time. I would go insane lol

[Anti M]

I'd approach his dad and ask for money to go to graduation if his mother is a complete beast.   No money for PIR?  Where's the money for a baby going to come from?  Your sailor needs to know ASAP in person.

I have to agree, now there's a baby in the picture, you want to marry as soon as possible.  If he lets his COC know there is a baby on the way, it can expedite the chit process at Great Lakes.  I'm not sure if it will help once he's at BUDS in SD.   If it were not so easy to get dropped from the program he's in, I'd say go for it PIR weekend (it can be done) ... but it could jeopardize his training.  Heck, nothing says you can't go get the license on Friday evening, it is good for 60 days... and he could ask on day one for the chit to get it started.  

You absolutely want to be married prior to the birth, that's 100% covered on Tricare.  He will also be eligible for paternity leave only of you two are married.  That may not guarantee he's there for the birth, it is ten days in the first year.  You will have more access to him as a spouse, and to support such as the ombudsman (volunteer spouse liaison), Family and Fleet Services and more. 

[Dina0106]

Money from our savings covered my new car since my Nissan repeatedly kept breaking down, something with spark plugs. I don't really like his parents period, so I wouldn't ask them for money. His father is under the control of his mother, lol it's sad. And she likes to say I control Danny. If I controlled him, he seriously would not be able to even have her on his facebook, but his parents are in their 60s so they act old fashioned and crazy.

I'm considering going now, I do understand his parents won't be there and with everyone else,  he will be lonely. Let's see if finals aren't around late Nov. I can if there are, then more reason not to go.

[Le Shelby]

Definitely what the other ladies have said, telling him in a letter is not a good idea. Mostly because he wont be able yo share the good news with you and celebrate in person!

[Dina0106]

thanks:)

[bittersweet914]

I asked my boyfriend who us leaving for bootcamp in 24 days what would he want me to do If I was in the situation and he said and I quote.... "dont tell me until after graduation, beacuse I would'nt want to stress about doctor visits, you finding out without me being there etc...." So like all the other ladies here, my advice would be to wait it out so he an make it out...lol!

 

Good Luck

 

P.S. as far as his mom goes, don't let that stress you out, after all you are pregnant now, so try to play the nice card and reason with her to get his information if not, can't you get the information from his recruiter?

[Dina0106]

I'm not sure if his recruiter would have his updated info, not stressing it lol. I'm more anxious about a classroom presentation this evening.