Relationship questions, lammeee

[Knittycat10]

So, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, we've had a few apartments together, spent every day together, all that good stuff. I'm his first long term girlfriend, though hes had plenty in the past they were all short relationships, if anything. I now live with his mom while he's at boot camp. I'm basically a part of his family, we all get along and even used to hang out together before he left, just like we do now. We used to be inseparable, I can't remember a day we didn't spend together.

I'm worried, but I can't tell if its just because I'm over thinking stuff. When he left he was 100% dead set on staying together. He told me he wanted to get married some day in the future, all that mushy good stuff. Now I'm just so worried that since we've never been apart before he will lose interest in me and forget about me. Does this ever happen? He left for boot camp October 3rd. He joined the service to get his dolphins on a sub, and then he wanted to go into some type of spec war thing, but he didn't know what yet. From the beginning of him talking about the Navy he wanted to stay together through the whole thing, and I do too. I just feel so confused, I don't have his address yet, and he obviously hasn't had a chance to write me at all yet. On his 15 second phone call he told me he loved me, but I'm just so worried he'll lose interest because we haven't spoken. Any advice?

[Kelly]

It will be fine!!! You are just over thinking it because you haven't talked to him and this is the longest you've gone without talking to him! I promise everything will work out

[Knittycat10]

Thank you! I just didn't imagine it being this bad. I guess I should have, I used to get cranky when he would work 12 hour days, or not be able to call on lunch break.

[Kelly]

Yeah I know it is very hard! I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years too. It's a lot to get used to. I haven't hear from him since September 13th. Just remember that this is for the best and if its meant to work it will. Just have faith and stay strong!

[Dina0106]

Over  thinking big time, he's been gone for 4 days, probably being the most stressed he's been in a while.. He's not thinking of any sort of thing. You'll be fine, you just miss him.:)

[abuon18]

I felt the same way when my man left... And even up to the point where I was the last of his family members to reach him at PIR on purpose because I didn't know how he would feel when he saw me again. And he ended up proposing that weekend. So, disclaimer, not saying your bf will propose graduation weekend, but yes you are WAY over thinking it and this experience will only make his love for you stronger!

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

My husband and i had been together about 3.5 years before he left for bootcamp in May of this year. I worried about the same thing because we had worked together and lived together for a large portion of our relationship. Now that he was learning all this and having so many new experiences, where would i fit in, would i be boring? I was pretty nervous at his graduation, almost like a first date or something When i hugged him that first time and he squeezed me back just as fiercely, i knew it would all be ok. We are closer than we ever have been, he says i love you way more often now, too. While he was in A School, he called me 3 or 4 times a day and texted me every morning.

The guys don't change while they are there. Also, they are missing you and suffering with the separation just as much as we are. I suggest you write to him every day. It will be good for you, almost like having a conversation with him, even if its sided. It will be so good for him. They get so lonely and mail call is the high point of the day. You can write even now before you get his address and send one long letter when you get it. He'll be able you write to you about the 3rd week and you will feel a lot of this anxiety lift as soon as you get his first letter. Try to keep your letters supportive and upbeat.

[Ellen]

The thing is, he's gonna be missing you just as much if not more than you're missing him! Don't worry yourself with thoughts about losing him, because he's going to need you to be strong and reassuring in your letters (those drill instructors can say some pretty mean things) and I promise, as soon as you two have a line of communication between you again, you'll wonder why you ever had doubts.

[meagan5220]

My advice... stop thinking. You will cause problems that are not there. Its like the self fulfilling prophecy. You predict or imagine there will be an issue or something will happen in your life and you end up making it happen because you are so focused on it. I dont mean this to sound rude but one thing you will have to learn with the Navy is that you have to be able to know that someone still loves you and cares about you even if they cannot tell you. If not you will drive yourself crazy and you will drive your sailor away or drive him crazy as well.

 

One thing I usually suggest to girls having issues with communication (I think the lack of it is what is causing you some strife), google 5 love languages. take the test and see which one you are. A lot of girls that have the issues with lack of communication usually find their love language is verbal assurance. (not all I dont mean to make assumptions just saying what I have seen). So thats why it makes it hard when you cant hear I love you. I know a lot of wives that have their sailor make a recording for them either on their voicemail or a recordable bear or card or tape player just saying I love you and a sweeet message. Then they play it when they can't talk to their sailor. It helps them a lot because they get to hear that.

 

Lastly, this is my absolute favorite quote! Its Christopher Robin talking to Winnie the Pooh :) It helps me a lot and is a good reminder.

 

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.”

[Knittycat10]

Thank all of you so much for your responses and advice. It means so much to me. Definitely helped a ton. I do have a hard time realizing he probably misses me, just because he has wanted to go to boot camp so bad. He was upset when he took his ASVAB and realized he wouldn't be able to go to BC for at least 5 more months. I guess I shouldn't worry about him changing too much, we are both 24, he had a solid job as an electrician, so he's used to responsibilities, just not the whole structure thing.

Since he left last week I have written him a letter each day, and I've been reading them to make sure they stay positive, with a bunch of I love yous and things like that. Would it be too much to send him all the letters I write when I finally get his address? They're just normal notebook pages, double sided. I just don't want to overwhelm him.

Again thank you guys so much. It especially helps to hear that other couples have been through this.

[Juliette]

It's so totally normal to feel that way! I'm on week 5 of bootcamp with my fiance, and before this whole mess began, trust me - I had the same feelings as you. We've been together for 2 years now. I feared so much that with going away, our separation and time apart with make his feelings change. Not the case! In some of the past letters I've gotten from him, his biggest worry was if MY feelings had changed! Trust me - he won't forget about you at all. As everyone else had said, he's probably missing you like crazy. I've spent many lonely nights alone, crying myself to sleep, worrying about the future...worrying if he'd be there after all is said and done....but once you two start communicating again - you'll see how much he misses you. Especially the second phone call half way in! I just received mine last week and it was the best day ever, to finally hear his voice after nearly a month. He was so frustrated that he had to hang up with me.....Hang in there girl - you'll get through it. Write to him EVERY day! It's important that he sees that mail each day....it's what keeps them alive, especially since they're completely isolated from the world. Good luck!!

[Knittycat10]

Thank you Juliette and myanchorsaway so much. It helps to hear that other people have gone through this. I knew there was people out there, but thats exactly what I needed, to hear real stories of people who've gone through the same thing. I'm definitely writing him every day :)

[Knittycat10]

:) ill just feel so much better when I get a letter. Thank you.