In need of some sort of comforting :(

[Michelle]

So my Husband and I had decided to try for our second child before he left to boot camp. We already have a beautiful baby girl that will be one in just a few short weeks. My daughter was not a planned pregnancy but in NO WAY was she a mistake, once she came into our lives we both did a complete 360 with our lives, she was actually that one that gave my husband that push to follow his dreams and join the Navy.

After alot of thought we both decided that we were ready to add a new addition to our family. I will be graduating College this quarter and we will be moving out to our own place in January so why not try for that second blessing. Before he left we were both so sure that we had conceived a child. And then today I get my period a week early, my concern is that I don't think its just my period, I have this feeling inside of me that this was an early miscarriage. My periods have always been regular I have never been late let along early. And the worst part is that just a few days ago I had extremely strong pains it was so hard for me just to stand up. I little piece of me still wants to believe that this maybe implantation bleeding but I know that ship has sailed.

My pregnancy with my daughter was not a walk in the park, I bleed through out the first 3 months of my pregnancy and was at risk for losing her many times. So we know that trying for another child would most likely have its risk as well BUT at least I had him to comfort me during those time. Right now I can't even speak to him and its killing me. I have no one else to turn to because we never told anyone that we were trying for another child and I just rather my family not know so I am posting this here instead in hope for some comfort. 

[Anti M]

Losing a child is difficult, doing it alone is emotional torture.  Be gentle with yourself, care for yourself, and grieve the loss however you need to do.  Get a journal and write it all down, get it out.  Scream in the shower if that helps.  Sending hugs and love for you.

The journal will also help him process the loss when you see him and share what happened.  He will have a reaction too, he will need you to help him.  

Now you have decent medical coverage (Tricare), do go to a doctor and get checked out, you don't want to take any chances.  You need to know if there's something wrong you've not considered.  You must take care of yourself, and that includes your precious reproductive system.  You may think it is okay, but let a doc say so too.  Please.

I had two ectopic pregnancies, so I get it. It makes a mark on your heart forever.  Also the reason I'm adamant about not neglecting your health!  Nearly killed me, and I am not exaggerating.  

[Michelle]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words Anti. It is definitely extremely difficult to go through this without him but I have to be strong for the daughter that we do have together. I'm on the fence as to weather or not I should let him know what happened in my letter or if I should just keep this to myself till I see him at PIR. I don't want to add any more stress or worries on him while his in boot camp but I also feel so guilty because he left here so positive that we had conceived our child. 

When will my heath insurance start working? He just left to boot camp last week Oct.4

[Anti M]

Even though you don't have your ID card yet, his SSN is your insurance number.  Call Tricare and see how they want you to proceed.  Many health providers will take you even if you don't have the ID card yet.  

http://www.tricare.mil/contactus/

One of the first things the married recruits do during in-processing is enroll their dependents in DEERS and tricare.  If you're in DEES, your Tricare should be activated.  You can check online to see if it is processed yet.

http://www.military.com/benefits/tricare/defense-enrollment-eligibi...

SWM is correct, getting the news in a letter wouldn't be easy for him.  Use the military one resource she posted if you need to talk, they're terrific.  

[sailorwifenmom]

I agree with everything Anti M said! I know it doesn't help ease the pain of losing your precious child, but I am sorry.

Whether or not to tell him is such a difficult and personal choice. He does need to know, but, as horrible and hard as this is, right now, there isn't anything he can do, and something this devistating could really get in his head to the point that he isn't able to do what he needs to do to get through this and come back to you, or at least be able to talk to you regularly and not surrounded by people screaming at him while he tries to absorb the pain of your loss. Maybe just say that you aren't pg, but don't get into the details? You're the only one who knows if this would be best, or if he would rather be told now. Either way, it's such a hard thing...

Please, give yourself time to mourn and to heal, physically and emotionally, from this. Losing a child, whether through miscarriage or not, is something no mother should ever have to go through!

You are in my prayers!

Also, if you need it - and there is NO shame in needing it - but you can have free, confidential counseling to help you through this at military one source. You can call them at 1 800 342 9647 they're open 24/7 and can do phone counseling if you want....

[Michelle]

Thank you so much! I have never heard of the military one source but it is very nice to know that their is a place I can call. 

I agree with both of you ladies, a letter may not be the best place for me to let him know and I definitely to do want to add any type of stress on him while his in boot camp. I do feel guilty that he has this illusion that our second child is on the way so I will take your advice and let him know that I am not pregnant but spare him the details for when he is finished with boot camp and we can have this conversation face to face.