Going forth with Joining! :)

[NicoleH10]

Hello Everyone! So just last night my Husband and I finally made our decision to go forth with my Husband joining the Navy. We have two little girls ( 1 & 5 ) and I know they might not understand fully what is about to happen, we have been talking about this for well over a year now about my husband joining, and have explained it as much as we could to our 5yr old. Tonight we are breaking the news to our families (my parents, his parents) on my Husband joining. - I know they will be upset for they reason they will miss seeing us and our children - Can anyone shed some light on how to maybe break it to our parents and other relatives about my Husband joining? Any insight would be great thanks! Nicole 

[Dina0106]

Both of you are leaving your children? I wouldn't know how to explain that, it's hard enough having one parent gone but two. I once wanted to join the marines because I have a lot of friends in Corps but with my fiance already being in the navy. I didn't want to sacrifice our family. Did you two find out who is going to be caring for them? Will the Navy let you both join with children  without an effective care plan?

[NicoleH10]

Oh no my husband is joining not me

[Dina0106]

Oh okay, well that's easier. Your wording suggested it would be both of you. I would recommend appealing to their childlike senses, first by formally sitting the oldest to tell her. Then play up on it by adding, "we can talk to daddy on the phone!" "You can write him letters and we can see him on the computer!" Hype it up for them, you can't really sugar coat or give them a real timely schedule of when he would be home.

[Anti M]

Whew. I just deleted a long reply about what would happen if you both joined.... yikes.  

[NicoleH10]

thats ok! I thought I had it typed but i reworded it again just to be clearer lol :) 

[NicoleH10]

My husband is the only one joining 

[Anti M]

https://www.daddydolls.com/

https://www.daddydolls.com/store/hugahero-dolls/p-hugahero-doll

[NicoleH10]

Thanks i really like those too cute!

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

We are almost to his first duty station for our first move. My family and I are really close, so it was/is really hard on them, especially my mom. we have a 9 month old girl and I have a 9 year old boy (prev relationship). My mom and grandma are really close to the kids, so its rough. His family isn't really the "mushy" type and seemed sort of indifferent to it.
With my mom, I had mentioned it while he was just tossing around the idea, so it wasn't a shock. She's still pretty emotional, and I'm sure I will be once it hits me that we're 2000 miles from home. Right now, I'm in planning/executing the plan mode. I tried to keep my mom in the loop every step. She was/is my sounding board when things are frustrating, which they will be, its impossible to plan for every contingency and there are a lot of things up in the air. For instance, we didn't get an answer from housing about availability until the day before we left.
As far as how they take it, point out that you know it will be rough, but there are so many positives. There are the financial benefits like housing/bah and healthcare, the GI Bill, which can be transferred under some conditions to a spouse or kids. Thee are intangible benefits like being able to travel and see other parts of the country and world, making lifelong friends and being part of a pretty tight community. Also, be ready for them to point out the downsides and have a response worked out for it. Know what you can expect for his rate and give them information. Some rates don't have sea duty, some have a lot. Let them know you've considered it heavily and know what you're getting into. For instance, if they point out that he will deploy and be gone for months and months, say something like, "I know, and I'm not going to like that part but Iknow we'll get through it. The girls will be ok because I'll be able to be a stay at home mom and raise them instead of having a daycare do it. (If that's your plan) and I'll be able to talk to you on the phone and I'll have the other families of the other sailors for support". Of course every family is different, tailor it to you own family, but I have found that having as much info as possible is best. And try to communicate to them that everything is constantly changing, so you will let them know what changes as soon as you can.

Good luck! Feel free to message me. My husband is an EN and he just finished A school, we're moving to San Diego.
Jenn.

[NicoleH10]

Oh thanks for that information! We told my parents and they were happy for us and wished my husband a good career as for his family it will be harder as they are a lot closer to our children. I really like your message and gave me some good points. Thank you so much! And good luck to you and your family :) 

[sailorwifenmom]

Also, you can point out all the ways that they can still communicate and be close to the kids. Distance dies not mean distant. My kids were born and raised Navy brats ("military brat" is actually not an insult in the military community, either - it's a good thing!). They are very close to grandparents - they have skyped from half way around the world before school dances. They've gotten care packages just tor them (wasn't always something expensive - something silly from the clearance bin or a card and $5 for an ice cream, that sort of thing). Also, when each of them turned 10, they got to go spend the summer - just them - with grandma and grandpa. Now our son is already planning getting to see his grandpartents while he is pcsing, and our daughter's was tickled that while traveling, grandpa came to see her at college.

Lol - honestly, my mother in law has said on several occasions that she thinks that she's closer to her teenage (they are 19 and 18) grandiose than most of her friends who live in the same town, because the kids didn't take them for granted. And, they grew up where you chose to communicate, not just had them there - so it helped them build relationships.

Anyway, just wanted to share that so you could hopefully be reassured - and able to reassure them - that you can still be close in the Navy :-)