How to deal with distance?

[Stephanie]

So I'm new to this all and I was wondering how you learn to deal with being away from your boyfriend, husband, or significant other for so long? My boyfriend is leaving for bootcamp in less then a month and we are together 24/7 and I know it is going to be really hard.

[MissG]

My fiance' recently left. Similar to you and your boyfriend, we spent the majority of our time together. Before he left, I did develop a list if things to do to fill my time. Mine revolved around maximizing my potential while he is away maximizing his. I set goals to grow mentally (studying to go to law school, reading more), spiritually (getting more involved in my church and community), and physically (working out and getting it right and tight for our summer wedding). I think it's important to be productive to help pass time.

I won't lie though. It hasn't been easy and nothing truly takes away the loneliness.My distractions just dull it for a few hours. Hope this helps a little.

[Knittycat10]

All the replies here are great advice, but I second mysailorsgirl. At first when my boyfriend left I would write him a letter throughout the day, almost like a phone conversation, always keeping it upbeat, and I had a seperate journal to write my negative thoughts in. After about a week I ditched the negative journal, it helps so much just to stay super positive. I agree as well, don't focus totally on him.

[sailorwifenmom]

Here are a few things I've learned over the years that helps. None of them are meant harsh or are meant to say that you shouldn't love them so much, or to imply that I don't love my husband as much, or anything (lol - after 20 yrs, trust me, we love each other ;-) ) . They are just things that I think can help...

1) Accept it. In your head and in your heart. Sounds obvious and easy, but in reality it can be hard to do. He's not always going to be there, you won't always be able to talk or email, and you won't always know where he is or what he's doing. And, that's ok. Because you know if there was a problem they would tell you, that he will write or call or email when he can, and that being with him some of the time is worth more than being with anyone else all the time.

2) Know that you are each other's biggest support, but you can't be each other's only support. Build a support network for yourself that doesn't depend on him, and be ok with him doing the same.

3) Learn all you can about the Navy and it's mission. Understanding it makes it easier to support it.

4) Remember that it's ok to have fun when he's gone. Life doesn't stop and it's not healthy to try to act like it does. Whether you sit at home and obsessed over the calendar and are miserable, or you go do things with friends, have a good time (still missing him, but not making yourself nuts) - he's still going to be gone just as long. Only one will FEEL 3 times longer and make you both miserable.

5) Decide. Decide to trust him unless you have reason to not trust him - jealousy is ugly and toxic. If you don't want him assuming you cheat, don't assume he will (and decide to be faithful yourself and honor that). Decide to always give the benifit of the doubt as far as "tone" in emails or letters. Decide that you CAN do this, and remind yourself that, because the more you moan to yourself that you can't do this, the more you convince yourself of that. You can to it - you are stronger than you think!

6) Find something (or several somethings) to do to stay busy, and connect with the other families with your command.

7) Finally - remember, every month, week, day, hour, minute, and second is one closer. It will NEVER be as long as that first second - all of it is moving you that much closer to being together again.

[Karinavmg]

I agree with everyone here!! But, I like number (7) that sailorwifenmom said! I think that's how I get through most of my days. I try to set small goals or landmarks for myself to get excited about. For example, right now I am 23 days away from my bf's PIR. I look forward to when we are out of the 20s and in the teens, then in single digits! It keeps me motivated :) Other small landmarks are my paychecks :p I am only 1 paycheck away from PIR which means I have one more paycheck to save for traveling! They can be silly goals like that, but you have to find small ways to keep your mind busy and amused with the situation. Don't get me wrong, I miss my bf every single day (we lived together before BC), but you do start to move on from the loss and look forward to your NEW future together!!

Also, what you might want to ask him to do for you is to write small notes and letters NOW, so that you can read them for the first two weeks he's gone.That is going to be the hardest part of BC for both of you. It began to take a toll on me not having the comfort of my bf saying he loved me or missed me. Make small videos now too. Take lots and lots of pictures to send to him once you get his address! I wish I would have known how hard the first two weeks were gonna be, because I would have prepared myself better. You're going to be a step ahead now :)

[Eryn]

Yep, totally wish I would have had my boyfriend write me letters before he left that I could open now and read while he is at bc. I got my first letter which was awesome!! But it also kind of sucks waiting a week for another one. 

[Karinavmg]

Yeah I know how you feel... I wish I could have just opened up a sappy love note to read whenever I needed it those first 20 days without hearing from him... But we made it! Although, since someone's asking how to prepare- that's something I would have told myself before he left. Haha...

[Eryn]

It was only 15 days for me, but it felt like years. Haha. Yeah, it's really good advice!!