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what to do?
Ladies, I am distraught. My SR and I spoke on the phone on Tuesday, and all he wanted was to come home. And then, when I received the letter he wrote and sent on Sunday, all he talks about is getting out of the Navy and being home with me every night. I have no idea what to do, especially since I can't call him up and talk about it... I have to say it all in a letter, and I'm not sure what to say. Because, obviously, I want him home with me more than anything in the world, but I want what's best for him too. We decided the Navy was best when he joined, but now he is telling me in his letter that he was wrong, that the Navy is wrong for him. He is so unhappy.
I don't know what to do. I miss him and love him so much, and I am willing to do anything to be with him. As I've said, I have been planning to go to him during A school so we can get married and I can live on base with him when he gets his orders, and while he does want to do that, it seems that he wants to come home more than anything... he is regretting his decision to join the Navy. What can I say to him? How do I support him? Please help. I'm so worried about him...
Views: 1185
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by LittleMissRed on
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My and my fiance are planning on getting married while he's in tech school also. And before he life we had thought it would be better for my to stay where i am until his first base, but with boot camp going on i told he otherwise, that i was moving where he will be at tech school the 1st chance i can get. He's been depressed in his letters, though hasnt talked of quitting, but has told me horrible things the RDC's say to him and the rest of the recruits. I told him that no matter what we have made it this far, We only have a month to go, I told him I will stay strong for him, but he needs to stay strong for me also. I just let him know why i love him, memories of us together, (my fiance had kept random important things of our relationship, our first movie tickets together, a reciept i gave him once with a heart i drew on it, the random notes i would leave on his car when i would pass his work, a parking deck ticket from a vacation.) I had to write him a letter this week saying how much this was going to make our lives better, and i sent those things to him. I told him that these were all memories of us and something like 8 weeks wasnt going to break that. LOL Then i told him him being depressed wasnt ok and to man up because I believe in him and he should believe in himself too cause i aint no liar. :)
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For one they talk about how their wives and girlfriends cheated on them while they were deployed, my Fiance said they have talked about that so often its really starting to piss him off. But My SR also said how it seems like at times nothing he does will make the RDC happy, so he's constantly feeling like he's getting yelled at. I had to remind him over and over thats their job. Thats what you know was going to happen.
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Permalink Reply by Eryn on
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Ugh. That's rude. Yeah my boyfriend said that he got in trouble for not shaving properly and that the do a LOT of "IT" which is intense training. Pretty sure it's like push-ups and lots of other stuff like that.
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Permalink Reply by mollybub on
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My fiance is really struggling with the physical aspect of the training. I guess his division is doing a lot of push-ups, because the females keep getting into fights, haha - girls will be girls, I told him.
And it's funny, LittleMissRed, because my SR and I were planning on waiting to get married too... at least until next spring. But after all this time apart, it made us realize that we need to be together to be happy! I'm sure you know how that feels :)
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Lol exactly. I feel weird making these plans though wthout talking to him about it, we have always talked things out before doing something big, and its like I hope I'm making the right decision to just move whereever he is doing school. I work at two very main stream jobs (Dominos pizza and Olive garden) and I am able to literraly transfer anywhere. So Money for me isnt a issue. Its just Idk lol. Sorry I was always a worrier.
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You know, I was the one to suggest we could married sooner - like December sooner, haha, and I repeated the suggestion several times in my first few letters. I was so nervous about what he would say, but the moment I got his letter, telling me he wanted to get married as soon as possible, just like I did, gave me a relief I can't explain! I'm sure your SR is feeling the same way you are, and missing you like crazy!
I understand your worry, because I worry constantly about things. And my fiance has always been good at calming me down, so it's been difficult getting along without that... Now is just a weird time for you and me both, I think, haha, the "limbo" period, I call it, of waiting. Just gotta stay strong! Even though it's hard.
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Permalink Reply by meagan5220 on
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oh yea they will say stuff to scare them all the time. Tell him to just ignore it. :) there are some guys that are pretty bitter bc they did get cheated on during deployment so it sucks that they keep bringing it up but obviously they are hurting too. also, some of them are single and never been married or anything and they have just heard horror stories and they tell them to other sailors. (bc honestly usually it turns into a huge ordeal involving more than just the couple.)
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Permalink Reply by ProudNavyGf81 (Ship 11 Div 319) on
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Not sure if you still need the advice.. BUT I just saw your post and I can sort of relate so I thought I would share..
It's not about my boyfriend, although he's sort of involved. But my best guy friend had decided to join the Navy a couple months back, along with my boyfriend. (they happen to be best friends as well haha) My bf left Aug 7th for BC. And Brandon (the best friend) left the 27th. Most of the letters I recieved from my bf had little notes in there to tell Brandon this and that. What stuck out in my head is he wanted me to tell him to just get past week 4. Once he got through that it got ALOT better.
The disappointing part of the story is that Brandon didn't even make it to week 2. He absolutely HATED it there. He sent me a letter a few days after he left, saying how unhappy and depressed he was. And that he couldn't wait to get out of there and that he would sign anything just to go home...
He's been home for about a month and a half now and is completely upset with himself every single day. He so wishes he just stuck through it. This past Friday would have been his graduation day. And of course now looking back on it, he said the time went by so fast and he wished he had tried harder. He's even wanting to try to re-enlist and go back to bootcamp as soon as possible.
I guess my point is that it sucks there for everyone, its not meant to be easy. I think a lot of these boys go in there only half-expecting it to suck. And then they get a rude-awakening when they realize how truly terrible it is. Especially P days (processing days)... My bf said they went days and days without going outside or even being able to look through a window. That would be tough on anybody. And it doesn't help having these men yelling at you and degrading you either. P days last 1-2 weeks just depends on the division.
I'm not sure how long your SR has been at BC.. Depending on that his letters might have been written during P days which should explain alot. BUT if he's past P days and week 4 or at least close to it, tell him to keep his chin up! and it'll get MUCH better once he makes it to that point.
SO with all of that being said, the whole story about Brandon and week 4. Tell your SR that he can do it. And that will be so proud once graduation day comes and that he will be able to look back at how he is feeling now and be so happy he stuck with it. It's worth it, for both of you. My bf graduated BC about a month ago, and I can't even tell you what that day was like. It was perfect.
Everyone deserves to have that day, and share such a great moment and to feel so proud of someone you love.
Keep writing him, and more imporantly keep supporting him. He needs it.
Hope that helps!!
Best of luck to you two, I hope he makes it!! :)
OH! and make sure you point out how far he has already come!! I think they get caught up in everything there and forget how brave and strong they are for going there in the first place..
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Thank you so much for telling me this story! It has helped! It has been a hard few days, where I've been considering the idea of actually TELLING my fiance to come home... I haven't, of course, and have only encouraged him. But with all of this worry and obsessing over his homesick letter and phone calls, it's been hard not to feel that way. But now I know that I am absolutely doing the right thing by pushing him through. He will be okay, especially since he has my support, and we are both going to get through this.
Again, thank you. You have really helped me, and I know by extension, helped my fiance!
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Absolutely!! Happy I could help! And I don't blame you, I think we all want to tell them to just come home! Haha but It's best for our guys to stick with it and keep doing their best, especially for the long run. The Navy provides a steady career, and that's hard to come by. Especially if you two are already planning on getting married, financial stability is extremely important. Not to mention starting a family down the road... He is exactly where he needs to be! And you just have to do your best to support him! Even though it SUCKS being without him. In the end, it will all be worth it!! <3
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I have to keep reminding myself of that! It's been another bad day for me, unfortunately, missing my SR, and sometimes I feel like I'm about to go crazy. I just have to remember that we will be together soon, and we will be so much better off if he has the Navy. Thank you for your encouragement! Sometimes I think I need it as much as he does, you know? Haha :/
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