I

[Dina0106]

I have been struggling constantly with the idea of getting married and moving and all of that. It doesn't feel remind myself that every time I am with my family or friends that this time next year I wouldn't be with them. Going to the zoo with my little sister, laughing at my little brother's awkward teen phase, well I have 7 siblings lol so I  go on for days about them. I'm not sure if it's doubt or fear, it should be both. I don't really know how I am supposed to get over my life, my career does not bother me as much. Yesterday at the non-profit that I work with that helps the women's shelter, we came up with this wonderful project for the holidays. Of course my friend emailed me the details since I was at home in BED.. The personalization of everything in my life at home can't be replaced at some base. It just wouldn't be the same. The more I think about it, the more unhappy I become so I don't think as easily done as marriage can be. I don't want to get married at all right now, especially not to just constantly being alone. I don't know anything about the military so this a whole new experience all in itself for me, so is a high risk pregnancy, long distance relationship. It's going to feel ridiculously to always be alone 70% of the time, it's like having an imaginary man. I've never been in a long distance relationship, for someone you spent everyday with it's hard to even begin to imagine.. 6 month deployments??? (What?) The navy was his decision and I felt I should not hinder what his goals are in life because he seems pretty solid about the Navy even now. This has nothing to do with our relationship, I don't want to be alone, if I have to be, I want to be near my family, friends, and my life.

If my child isn't going to have a father in the picture that much, at least it would be great to have Grandmas, aunts, uncles, my friends who will cherish him. It feels incredibly frustrating to have no connection whatsoever with someone you love.

Reading letters previously written makes feel like that Sandra Bullock Movie, (The lake house) where one was in the past and one was in future.

I don't know if this what cold feet is called or whatever but I don't do anything I am unsure about. Marriage is definitely on hold until I feel assured.

I don't know what relevance this has to my rant but I know my fiance's PIR is umm 6 days and so many hours away, and I feel so mad. I don't where this anger is coming from because I have looked on my calendar, I've had this marked and I was excited previously thinking about it. I don't know if it is because I can't go so now I'm just mad. And particularly just mad at him, * I want attention from him* lol honestly I think that's it, is that pregnancy thing???

[sailorwifenmom]

I understand what you're saying, and these are all things to keep in mind, and we all have to choose what we can and can't do without.

I am NOT trying to sway you either way.  You have to do what's best for you, and only you can decide that.  You said that you don't know a lot about the Navy, so I hope that some of this will give you an idea of what to expect, as you make your choices.

Deployments can be 6 months long, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter.  But, it's not a "6 on, 6 off" sort of thing.  I'm not sure who told you that he would be gone 70% of the time, but that number is pretty high.  Also, it's very possible for a man to be in the Navy and be a very involved and active dad - or a woman Sailor being an actively involved mom.  When they are home, there's nothing stopping them from being Scout leaders, class volunteers, little league coaches, etc - just being there for them.  When they are gone, there are lots of programs, from things where they can record and send messages, have video tapes of them reading to their kids sent home, skype, etc.  They can even go on Tiger Cruises - where they get to fly out and meet the ship and sail home with Daddy (or Mommy).  My kids got to sail from Hawaii to San Diego on the USS Lincoln with my husband.

Now, none of this solves the problem of if you deciding if you want to go with your Sailor or if you want to stay with your siblings.  You are the only one who can decide that, and I think you're right to wait until you know for sure.  Good luck with your choice!

[Dina0106]

Thanks, I always love your advice. I Can't wait to actually be able to talk him about it. Not having anyone military in my life only makes the pressure worst. no one understands.

[sailorwifenmom]

I'm glad that it helped some. This really is a tough choice to make. There's a lot going on for you right now, and you miss him, so you're frustrated and not happy about a lot of things, which is understandable.

Something else to consider, and again, this is not meant to convince you either way - because only you can know your heart - but when you marry someone, you need to be able to make them the most important person in your life, more than your parents, more than brothers and sisters. They are no longer your immediate family, they are extended family and your spouse and kids are your immediate family. I know you love him, but if you don't love him enough to do that, or just aren't ready to take that step where they're still in your life, but aren't the center of it - then marriage would be unfair to both of you (regardless of the Navy).

It's wise of you to be taking this time to really think about what you want, marriage is a big step and shouldn't ge taken lightly. I think when you get a chance (after gets to A school, I wouldn't bring it up on his PIR when he calls you), you and he can talk it over and go from there.

Good luck!

[Le Shelby]

My fiance missed our sons 3rd birthday this year. He also missed his first word earlier this year (hes autistic). I had to do therapy by myself, work, go to school, take care of our son, the bills, the car, apartment, etc, by myself. My son said "daddy" for the first time looking at a picture of him while he was gone. It is very hard, and he will miss things like i said above, but none of that seemed to matter when he came home. Ultimately, it is your decision, the military life is anything but easy but nothing is more rewarding! And i know how lonely it gets without your sailor, but you will have your son! Mine kept me sane and from crying too much :)

[Dina0106]

Lovely pic of all of you, Shelby. I don't doubt it will be hard and rewarding

[Eryn]

My boyfriend is only in boot camp so I don't have much advice, just that you shouldn't do anything until you know you're ready. Moving away from family and friends used to seem awful to me but now I can't wait to go anywhere as long as I'm with my boyfriend. But this may also be because I know that I can't move anywhere for a year and a half so it's not so close for me.. idk I just feel like you will know what's right, you'll just feel it.

[Dina0106]

I feel it alright.. it just also feels like this is going to be hard on my family..

[Eryn]

It's a hard situation ):

[Dina0106]

Yeah it is, I am trying to make everyone happy and we all know that is damn near impossible

[Eryn]

All you can do really is what will be best for you and make you happy and then hope everyone else is also happy because you're happy, lol.

[Dina0106]

It feels amazing to hear someone say that to me excuse *read* lol instead of me constantly saying it to myself. Thank you hon:)

[Eryn]

Of course! It is true!!!! You should do what you can to make your family happy because they are your family and you care about them but just as you would want them to do what makes them happy they should want you to do what makes you happy. You can only do so much to make others happy but the most important thing is doing what you know is best for you! (: