I

[Dina0106]

I have been struggling constantly with the idea of getting married and moving and all of that. It doesn't feel remind myself that every time I am with my family or friends that this time next year I wouldn't be with them. Going to the zoo with my little sister, laughing at my little brother's awkward teen phase, well I have 7 siblings lol so I  go on for days about them. I'm not sure if it's doubt or fear, it should be both. I don't really know how I am supposed to get over my life, my career does not bother me as much. Yesterday at the non-profit that I work with that helps the women's shelter, we came up with this wonderful project for the holidays. Of course my friend emailed me the details since I was at home in BED.. The personalization of everything in my life at home can't be replaced at some base. It just wouldn't be the same. The more I think about it, the more unhappy I become so I don't think as easily done as marriage can be. I don't want to get married at all right now, especially not to just constantly being alone. I don't know anything about the military so this a whole new experience all in itself for me, so is a high risk pregnancy, long distance relationship. It's going to feel ridiculously to always be alone 70% of the time, it's like having an imaginary man. I've never been in a long distance relationship, for someone you spent everyday with it's hard to even begin to imagine.. 6 month deployments??? (What?) The navy was his decision and I felt I should not hinder what his goals are in life because he seems pretty solid about the Navy even now. This has nothing to do with our relationship, I don't want to be alone, if I have to be, I want to be near my family, friends, and my life.

If my child isn't going to have a father in the picture that much, at least it would be great to have Grandmas, aunts, uncles, my friends who will cherish him. It feels incredibly frustrating to have no connection whatsoever with someone you love.

Reading letters previously written makes feel like that Sandra Bullock Movie, (The lake house) where one was in the past and one was in future.

I don't know if this what cold feet is called or whatever but I don't do anything I am unsure about. Marriage is definitely on hold until I feel assured.

I don't know what relevance this has to my rant but I know my fiance's PIR is umm 6 days and so many hours away, and I feel so mad. I don't where this anger is coming from because I have looked on my calendar, I've had this marked and I was excited previously thinking about it. I don't know if it is because I can't go so now I'm just mad. And particularly just mad at him, * I want attention from him* lol honestly I think that's it, is that pregnancy thing???

[Dina0106]

So true

[Dina0106]

I wouldn't dream of mentioning. I haven't even told him about my pregnancy complications.. everything is time sensitive. We've both had to learn how to separate our families from our relation. As we are both family oriented individuals, Marriage is a big step whether or not you have the right person, timing is everything. I just want my timing to be right, I'm not that young and I don't have tons of life experience either.

[sailorwifenmom]

See, just the fact that you know this and are asking it shows you're going to make the right choice :-)

[Dina0106]

You are so helpful, lol and quite the night owl since it is almost 1 am.. i stay up late eating, it seems that is when my baby is the hungriest.. I have gallons of juice here, cookies,candy,fruit,and pasta. Ultimately I know he's the one and I used to be so skeptical who would say something like that. I feel it to be so. I just hope I can always as loving and supportive as he needs to be for him. I don't want to resent him and his decision. I want him to be as great as I always knew he could be. And I know the military will an impression to lead him to his own path. I am so proud of him and I don't believe I've said that enough. The boy with glasses whose mom tucked his shirt in everyday, I constantly laughed at his untied shoes in elementary. Grew into the man who has my heart.

[meagan5220]

If you are not ready then I definitely say put it on hold. If you have doubts or dont feel assured its right for you then definitely dont do it. You dont want to end up on the other side of the country unhappy bc it wasnt the right decision.

 

On the other end I ask you this, when is being with him half of the year going to be enough? Are you willing to wait til he is done with this enlistment to get married or what if he re-enlists? I ask this because if you are back home with your family its going to be even more of a long distance relationship. You all are going to see each other when he gets to come home on leave. Which they only earn 30 days a year. So he will be able to be even less of a Dad in that regard. I know it is hard to move away from family but honestly when I got married and moved away even though I moved knowing out of 6 months I would see him less than 3 I knew it was worth it 100%. I left behind my four little sisters behind one being 3 years old! Not being in her life is probably the hardest thing of it all. Because I dont get to see her grow up and interact with her everyday like I did my other sisters. I feel like I am missing a huge chunk of my life bc I miss these things. On the flip side I get to spend time with the man I love more than anything in the world. I know being with him makes it all ok. Part of life is growing up and moving away from your family and making your own. I am extremely independent and have lived on my own since I was 17 so it makes it a little easier in some ways. The rotation for deployments has completely been tossed out the window I will say. Its no longer that way. But in addition, there are also many women that go home during deployments. They put their stuff in storage and go back to stay with family. Just make sure to follow the rules in that regard about BAH and whatnot. The navy wont move you back and forth but its an option. I know some wives will talk crap about the wives that do it but in the end its your life so they can shove it :) lol

 

I know it hard with pregnancy hormones flying around but you have to understand its a little bit harder right now bc he cant communicate with you. Its not that he isnt wanting to give you attention its that he literally cannot. I definitely think once yall can talk some and whatnot it will be an easier more clear decision. You can also see how he handles A school and how he makes time to talk to you and whatnot. I always try to tell girls dont make any huge decisions during bootcamp. We are so emotional mostly bc most women feel loved by getting phsyical and verbal attention lol hell any kind of attention is impossible pretty much during bootcamp.

 

One last thing, you said that the personalization of your life cant be found at some base. and I have to disagree. Life is what you make it. and solely that. Its up to you to make your house a home, and get involved in your surroundings. Its really easier than you might think to be comfortable out of your comfort area. It reminds me of a story I was told by a wife when I lived up in WA. She said her husband was deployed and she HATED her life living in WA. She had a newborn and I guess she would frequent a bar and grill type thing by where she lived sort of in the boondocks. Well I guess she always complained about how much she hated it and finally one of the neighborhood guys told her to pack up her kid and he wanted to show her just what was in the area. She said when she finally stepped out of her comfort zone and started exploring she realized just how amazing the area was and just how many things she would have missed out on by not being there. She met other wives and locals and started building a life for herself. Now I wouldnt suggest going off with a strange man even though the town vouched for him lol but I am paranoid. :) but when I lived in WA even though it was only 6 months I made quite a few friends that I really miss and enjoyed being with. I had my favorite places to eat, even my favorite place to get doughnuts and get my nails done! And I totally miss those parts of my life in WA. Now here in VA I have made some friends that I know will be lifelong friends. I have found so many things that I love about this place. My husband and I have some of our favorite places to eat... some so much that the wait staff wave as us when we walk in and come and talk to us. lol I know I rambled a little but I tend to do that ;) but I hope I gave you a little persecptive that is maybe a little different!

[Dina0106]

No you did not ramble, that was amazing. Thank you, I feel so much better getting actual insight instead of constantly being worried.

[meagan5220]

you are very welcome :) Navy life can be stressful and the unknown can make it worse but an awesome support system can make it 100 x's better! There are some crazy wives out there but there are just as many awesome ones they will support you and help you out!

[Dina0106]

I hope so, I can't wait till we have time to talk to each other.

[meagan5220]

It really helps a lot :) when we women are alone we tend to make things worse than they are. lol I remember one time I got mad at my husband on deployment bc I had a nightmare he hit me! lol He emailed me and it woke me up and I yelled at him over email and he was just like umm what?? lol. It happened more than once bc I have horrid night terrors and he always woke me up in the middle of them. And usually they were about him doing something mean to me lol. which he never would

[meagan5220]

oh and the support is amazing. I have a group of friends and we are all new here looking for a job and not only do we look for ourselves but we look for each other! its great!

[Dina0106]

Yeah that is true, I've had dream once we were had a baby and he wasn't happy. I was so mad at him for a few days....lol and he would he say it was just a dream... As women we do lose it sometimes.

[meagan5220]

haha girl I do it all the time! lol I have woken up and hit him in the middle of the night before lol. He just laughs at me now mostly bc I am so sleepy I barely tap him lol.