Please help... I need advice

[Jessica]

If you could please post this, I'm really in need of some advice. So my sailor and I have been dating for a year and have known each other since we were freshmen in high school. He left for Bootcamp in December and just graduated from a school, he just got to his c school and permanent duty station in Virginia beach. We are both 19 turning 20 soon and are planning on getting married in June. His parents are completely supportive and just want us to be happy. On the other hand... My parents are completely against everything. My father says he's not letting me leave the house until he thinks I'm ready and that I'm stupid for wanting to get married this young and that he won't allow it. Every time I try to talk to him about it he flies off the handle and completely freaks out screaming at me telling me I'm not leaving and I'm not getting married and he won't allow any of it... I'm to the point that when I have enough money saved up I'm going to pack while my parents are at work and move without them knowing and marry my fiancé without them knowing. I want them to be supportive and be happy seeing me happy but no matter what I do or say nothing is good enough... I feel trapped and I don't know what to do. Has anyone been in this situation? What can I do to convince him that ill be fine? I don't want to leave on bad terms but I feel like it's my only option.... Please help, any advice would mean the world to me.

[Dina0106]

I can't relate  since all my personal concerns before marriage had to do with myself more than family objections. I can say this, it doesn't matter what he thinks really. I understand it matters to you because he is your father, but marriage is a huge step. Shouldn't be to concerned with parents, they always come around or lose you in their life. Ask yourself  If you can accept whatever happens. Do you feel like you are making the right decision for yourself?  You can't make everyone happy in your life no matter how much you love them. Good Luck!

[beewoman]

Hey Jessica! First off congrats on your engagement :) That is such a blessing in many ways! As parents I believe that they just want the best for you and I don't think they mean to be rude but they just truly want the best for you! I am married and my husband and I are stationed in VA beach as well. What command is he going to be at? Keep your head up and trust in God and it will all work out :)

[beewoman]

As far as getting married I say follow your heart. My husband and I are still newly weds at the ages of 21 and 22. We are super happy and he is my bestest friend. Our families were north supportive so that I can't say much but I can say when you know you just know.

[Adelaide]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now, I'm 17 and he is 19. He leave for bootcamp in a month and then goes to school in SC. I'm going to be at school in NY, so we plan on getting married in the winter sometime after I turn 18. Now neither of our parents know, but we agree that no matter what this is what's best and what we want. Only some of our closest friends and our best friends parents know, and they are all supportive. Our parents however, have had marriage and relationship problems so we are afraid on how they will respond. What is important, is that you know it's what YOU can live with and YOU can be happy with. Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone :)

[RAINE13]

Congrats on the engagement, please follow your heart don't let anyone keep u from being happy, you can't learn from mistakes and grow if your not allowed to make them, an since your over 18 go for it, I hope this help an please if you need some support we are here:-)

[Anti M]

You're an adult.  You won't be able to change your father's mind, so stop trying to reason with him.  My father objected to my second marriage, and I was 30.  He came around pretty quickly, but seriously, he tried to get my aunt, who was a social worker, to talk me out of it.  She told him I was an adult, to butt out.  

However, I was a financially independent adult who was in the Navy.  Makes a difference.

Just start acting completely responsible at home, if you act like a slacker at all, stop that.  Your mom shouldn't need to lift a finger for you.   Next, start getting financially independent. I know you want to save money, but you also need to make sure you are working toward paying your bills yourself.  Phone and car come to mind.  Talk to your sailor about a "moving fund", he should be able to set some aside so you two can set up an apartment when the time comes.  SHOW your dad you aren't too young.  

Good luck!

[abuon18]

I was going to say what Anti M said.

Packing your stuff and moving out is absolutely the WORST thing you could do. In your parents minds it will just prove to them that you're not ready. Like Anti M said, you have to show them. Start taking on your financial responsibilities and handling things around the house-cook, clean, your laundry.... This isn't something you are going to be able to convince them of by talking to them. Yes you are an adult but you are still young so I think it's normal for your parents to be worried that you're not ready for all the responsibilities that come with living on your own, especially if you've never lived on your own. They're probably also worried about your education and career. Are you in school? Do you plan on continuing your education when you get married and move?

[lovemysailor]

my sailor and i just got married and we had the same situation as you. His parents were really excited and couldnt wait for us to make it official but mine were far from happy. They said I was to young and would ruin my life. He is 24 and I am 18 so the age gap did not help the situation at all. We decided to do what we thought was best and the rest would fall into place. We got married in Texas and now are on our way to cuba together. His family was super happy for us and now my family is to. I say follow your heart and do what you think is the best for you and the rest just works it self out.

good luck with everything and keep your head up.

[Absoltuekraze]

I second a lot of the advice given. As long as you can support yourself without relying on your parents, then why not move out? You are an adult, moving out is a natural step for someone your age. If however you will not be able to make it without their help, then you aren't ready and should work towards getting yourself ready - get a job, pay your own bills, try not to rely on them for the basics.

I would not pack up and move out while they're gone though. If you want to move out you have every right to. Tell your parents that you plan to leave home and you would like their support, but that if they refuse to support you, you plan to do it anyways. Your parents have no legal right to stop you. But keep in mind they also have no legal right to give you anything they've provided you with - including your bed, blankets, clothes, etc. 

That sounds grim, but it's happened to a few of my friends. They left with only the things they bought themselves and had to start from scratch. Just be prepared for the worst in this situation, and make sure you can survive it. Having to come crawling back to your parents later would be terrible.

[andrea d]

Congrats on your engagement first of all. Second I agree with the other ladies. Follow your heart. Your dad will come around and everything will work itself out how it is suppose to. I am a daddy's girl so I understand how important it is to have his blessings but if You know this is the right choice for You then go for it. You are over the age of 18 and he can not stop you from getting married or moving out. Good luck