Need Some Advice and Help - Son shipped out on 4/23/13

[Alex's Mom]

My son left for Great Lakes on 4/23/13, the catch?  He left angry with me..........I am hoping that someone else's son has the same ship out date so I can keep informed here on N4M.  Any help will be appreciated from you.  I know I need to wait for my son to reach out to me when he grows up a bit but still want to be part of what he is doing here.

Hey he does not need to know:)

 

Ingrid

[Alex's Mom]

No, not a word.  I am trying to keep busy as the minute I think about him, I well up, its hard.  I know the depth of his anger and also know, it may be quite a while for him to sort it out........I also know, he will at some point:)  Thanks for keeping in touch.

[BunkerQB]

Sounds like you and your son have much to sort out. Unfortunately, riffs happen in families. Let him go for now. If you haven't read the book, "Raising A Son" by Jeanne Elium (she has an updated version also). My sons are 24 & 28. I read the book when they were toddlers. It helped me understand a great deal . Did it make it any easier to work thru the issues thru the years?  Yes, in understanding the issues. No, in solving the problems (remember they haven't read the book). Some problems you can't prevent. They are problems that will always be there during the transition years from boy to young adult to adult. The more you try to connect with him at this time, the worst it might be. I am sure it's not something you want to hear. Your best action would be to find distractions (hobby, sports, work etc.). My understanding is that the whole relationship changes when they marry and have a child - all of a sudden, mom could do no wrong and never did wrong. My older son got married last year. I stay on this site in hopes of finding a mate for my younger son. So I am looking forward to the glorious time when I am on top of the pedestal again (just kidding). You simply have to be patient and let it be.

[Alex's Mom]

Bunker, you seem to know exactly the situation.  Yes, I have read that book also in my son's toddler years.  I know I need to just let go and one day he may come around.  I just hope it does not have to be until he is married with children, ugh!!!!  I sometimes feel bad coming on here and hearing how everyone is getting a letter for graduation and I do not even know my son's division or ship number.  I want to feel connected in some way to my son, ahhhh, the heartache.  Thanks for your understanding because like I said, you seem to know.

[GR8RABsMom]

Alex's Mom . . . I don't know what made me read all of this but I feel so bad for you and your son.   I'm sure that forgiveness will come and you are in my prayers.  It's hard enough to go through all of this having contact with my SR . . . I can only imagine how you must be feeling.  I love your determination to find his ship/division number.  I wish I could help in some way, but right now all I have to give are my prayers and you have them.  God bless...

[Alex's Mom]

Thank you.  Mother's Day was so hard.  I was hoping for a letter that did not come.  His DEP office texted me to say he cannot give me his ship/division and his recruiter is ignoring me.  I need to just let go and send good thoughts and prayers his way and know that in time he will come around.  I know he will eventually as we did at one time have a really solid good relationship.  The teen years just did us in, not sure why but they did.  I am very sad.  The more time that goes by, the harder it is becoming, not easier.  I thought being on here would be better, but seems to make it harder so I have not really been online.  I was hoping if I could get his division and ship, I could connect with other parents but it seems that is not happening, sigh.  Good luck to you and your son!!!!!!  and thank you again.

[BunkerQB]

Ask Lemonelephant to help you guestimate your son's PIR date. She is really good at that. Go ahead and join the group. Just be part of the process (as if your son is going to PIR). At least you'll understand. At least you're a part of a group. At least you don't feel like you are being deprived of the experience. The other moms will understand. Tell them an old, "seasoned" mom (this is me) suggested it. Maybe a mom who is really in good communications (not necessarily an indication that they have a great relationship) with her recruit may spot your recruit. We got to know the previous Commander for Recruiting District San Francisco. He informed me that often the recruits just want to break from being connected with mom and dad. It doesn't mean they don't love them or want them in their lives but later - that is all. The hovering mom/dad makes them feel immature and wimpy. Often, the recruit knows he is going to be homesick and will miss his family more than he wants to admit. At times like that, he wants to be in control of his emotions - so he doesn't lose it.  Once he sees that you have "grown" and have adjusted, he'll  come around.

[Alex's Mom]

I believe his PIR date is going to be on June 21, where would I go to follow that group?  Would like to start following:)  Might as well......what the heck.

 

[BunkerQB]

                   PIR: 6/28/2013             TG 33 - 12 Divisions (237 to 246 & 933)

                   PIR: 6/21/2013             TG 32 - 9 Divisions (229-236 & 932)

                   PIR: 6/14/2013             TG 31 - 9 Divisioins (221-228 & 931)

Here are the links to the three groups around 6/21. Join the one for 6/21. You can always peek at the activity in the other groups. 

[lemonelephant]

Yes, with a ship date of 04/23/2013, PIR would either be 06/14/2013 or 06/21/2013. Join PIR 06/21/2013 TG 32 9 Divisions (229-236 and 932) (clickable link).

[BunkerQB]

Posted this in one of the BLOGS, thought you'll enjoy it.