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My sailor and I were on skype the other day and he suddenly asked how I would feel about moving down to Charleston to live with and marry him. We have been talking about getting married for awhile. Right now I am in a 2 year community college and living with my parents. He knows how stressed I am because of my parents alcoholism and we both agree it would be best for me to get away from them. There is no doubt in either of our minds that we were made for each other, were meant to be, and we want to be together forever. But I planned on getting married after community college. I know for a fact I would be happier with him.

My heart is telling me yes, go for it. Do what makes you happy. But a small piece of me is afraid of what my parents would do when I tell them I want to marry him. I am afraid my family will be dissapointed in me for not finishing all my college before getting married.

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Hi  tori&tyler:

I don't know all about your situation, so all I can give is my limited perspective. I am going to give you the advice I would give if you were a close friend, even if it sounds harsh.

I honestly don't think the two of you sound ready to make this decision. I understand and believe that you're very in love and will most likely end up married anyways, however, it sounds like a rushed decision that is based more on circumstance than on an honest and deep understanding of the commitment and work marriage takes. 

Strip yourself of your circumstance- the education, the parents, etc, and ask yourself if you're truly ready for marriage. It is NOT easy. It sounds like rainbows and butterflies now- it won't be. Especially since he is now a SR- it will only get more difficult. Never marry to escape a situation.

Personally, I think finishing school first is wise- however, if you're only doing it for your family, I would second guess that as well.

Lastly- and I know this is tough- I've learned that the 'heart' is very misleading. VERY. We are used to saying that the heart is telling us one thing or another- but usually all that means is that we are being led by emotions that are always temporary and sometimes not trustworthy. (ie, people justify having affairs by following their 'heart').

Sorry to be Debbie Downer. But if you were my best friend, I'd want to be real with you :) I wish you the best, whatever you decide!

Thank you for the advice. My sailor and I have been together for 3 years now and have been mentioning marriage. We know that not only will being married be hard but being married to someone in the military is even harder. We know we were going to do it. But the time is the big question. I was thinking it would be 2 years from now but an opportunity has arisen to make it sooner.

If you two are ready to marry, then do so.  If not, then don't.  Your family's opinion, well, my family didn't want me to get married at age 30.  It is always something with some families, so decide if their opinion is valid, or if they will find yet another reason for you to wait after you finish school.  (wait until he has deployed once, wait until you see where his orders are, wait until he finishes his enlistment...) Only you know if your family is worth listening to.  

If you need to get away from your family, why are you concerned about disappointing them about college? Community colleges are an easy transfer, I did it more than once in my life.  Do some research and see what programs are available in SC; I think you will find a lot.  You can transfer what credits you have finished.  

How far is he into the nuke program? A school yet? Power school?  He's at least an E-3, and should be able to get housing for you, although perhaps not a paid move.  Has he talked to his COC yet about marriage?  

 Thank you Anti M. You always have great advice. He just graduated from A school and is now in Power school. We were thinking about getting married between Grad hold and Prototype. He hasn't talked to his COC yet, he was just throwing the idea around.

I can see waiting to know if he gets NY or SC for prototype.  Is he going subs?  My nephew is a nuke EM on a sub. He loves the close environment the small crew creates.

He is going subs. Nuke. =)  Good thing he likes that. I would be claustrophobic.

I feel like I need to ammend my earlier statements.

I have a dear friend who was in your same position and they married. She is miserable now. She regrets not finishing her degree and often tells me how lonely she is. I know they rushed into it for the wrong reasons, so I was trying to be thorough in my response to you :)

Honestly, if it were me, I would just ask myself what the two years were for. You said you wanted to wait..so what were the reasons and do they weigh more heavily than your desire to marry. Try not to stress about pleasing others, You're the one who has to live with your decisions!

I think that first of all its your decision. By that I mean do not worry about who you are or are not going to make happy. If I had done that I would probably still not be married to my sailor. SOME people threw a hissy fit that they werent at our JOP wedding and got mad we didnt let them plan our wedding pretty much. SMH. but anyways.

 

2 year colleges are tons easier to transfer between schools then 4 year schools. Talk to an advisor at your school look into schools in the area that he is. Talk to their advisors about transferring. See if you can do classes online? There are tons of options. Just because you move does not mean you have to give up your schooling. I ended up moving with my husband instead of starting a grad program. I ended up finding one that is WAYYYYY cheaper (Its a british online program lol!!) and fits what I want to do better!!! I agree dont give up your dream, dont give up your school. Being married helps a lot financially!! I am not saying get married just bc of the money but if you are already planning on it, it helps the situation which is already hard enough as it is.

 

Know this... even though these situations we end up in are often crazy, and unpredictable it can be done! You might have to be more flexible than before and you are going to have to research how to get it done. But I always sat if there is a will there is a way. :) best of luck!

There are community colleges everywhere. Just transfer down there, live with him for a while to finish your degree and then get married whenever you feel like it. I have been with my boyfreind/ fiance for almost 6 years. We have been living together for about 3 years and we learned alot more about each other while we were living together.

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