I feel like our relationship is crumbling and I have no clue what to do...

[csan214]

Hey ladies. So my boyfriend just turned 19, I'll be 17 next month. He's been in the Navy since December 2012 and he is currently in San Diego. He just came home about 3 weeks ago for 15 days and it was great. We had a ton of fun together, like we hadn't been apart for 6 months. Now, since he's gone to San Diego, we both feel so distant from each other. He's been talking about getting married after I graduate so I can move out there and go to college by him...I am not comfortable with that what so ever. I am not ready to leave my family and friends, everything I know, to go be with him. He always says that he doesn't know how we will work out then because he wants to be with me as soon as he can, he wants something to look forward to, etc. I brought it up again today because the pressure he is putting on me is really getting to me. He apologized and he understands where I'm coming from, but then he said he doesn't think I see us together in the future. He KNOWS I do, I talk about it all the time. I got mad and said then we might as well take a break because I can't take the pressure he is putting on me. Education is super important to me, I need to do whats good for ME. My parents would flip if I got married at 19. I told him that and he said he understands, but then that causes him to question my age and experience. He is my first serious boyfriend, and I often question too whether or not I should end it so I can have that "normal" high school dating experience. But I love him. I want to be with him. As of right now, we are on a "break". I'm just really lost...can anyone give me advice? My friends don't get it, the whole reason we talk about marriage, him being gone. Guess it's a military thing. I just need some advice from anyone. Thanks for taking the time to read this, God bless.

-Claire

[lynn]

I am 21, currently in college halfway across the country from the man I love. I do agree, I think it is a military thing--the discussion of marriage at such young ages. I will say, however, that if you are not comfortable moving at this very moment that he proposed the idea, then you are not ready to be married--do not get married because you risk resenting this guy you love. Breaks are terribly hard and difficult and at times, you will feel that support is not always apparent among friends not dating guys in the military. There is always a sense of urgency for all decisions for military couples. You have to use this break time to truly meditate on your own feelings, perhaps do yoga, pray, read about the military lifestyle--there are books and blogs and sites such as this---and then ultimately realize that you will have to decide if your love for him is big enough that you can wait until later, or you must be together now. Think thoughtfully, though, because this is your life, as well, and you have goals and dreams. Can those occur together or apart? What can you sacrifice and what must you retain for yourself in your life?

Good luck and praying for you. 

[csan214]

Thank you so much for your advice. i totally agree with everything you are saying, but I have made it clear to him that this is NOT what I want to do. I already know that for a fact. It's him that keeps bringing it up and pressuring the idea. This is making me think that I just need to end it because it's eating me up. But it helps a lot to hear from someone who is going through something similar. Thanks again for your input!

[lynn]

Oh, absolutely! Stay in touch and Good luck! I am still just trying to figure things out myself.....it is so overwhelming. 

[Jodie Smith]

Getting married seems to be a way that some people think they can a avoid a breakup. I know too many people who have been divorced within a year after getting married.

It sounds like you know what you're doing. You have to think about your own life first. I had to break up with my first love after 3.5 years b/c I knew he wasn't right for me. It was hard to do but I don't regret it, never did for a second. That was 7 years ago. Everything I have now including, my two college degrees, my career, and my wonderful fiance have been worth the temporary struggle of cutting ties with the old boyfreind. The first time you're in love, it can really mess with your head. It's like you can't see the forest through the trees sometimes. You are starting to see the forest.... You know what you're doing.

[Angie]

It sounds like you both want different things, maybe you should just break up not take a break and allow both of you to get on with your lives.  If you are meant to be together than you will end up together, if not at least you both are holding on to something that may never happen. 

[UrabissWife]

hey girl,

So my husband and I were engaged before he joined the navy, we rushed our marriage b/c he was leaving for basic. I wouldn't change anything that happened for anything. This doesn't mean I think you should run off and get married just because he wants to. A lot of people want to get married in the military b/c of fear of being alone. A man wants to have a wife to come home to especially after a long deployment. I think its sweet that he wants to be with you, but as far as pressuring you, that's not okay.  You need to do what YOU think is best. If this is the man you want to be with for the rest of you life, and you know that without a doubt, then follow your heart. don't get married as God as your witness then a year later get a divorce b/c it is hard. Married life is not easy. I don't care what anyone says. everyone has their ups an downs. but when you are with the one you love, you make it work. as far as school, I may not be going to the school of my dreams, but I am getting my education that's for sure. I had to leave my friends and family behind and it was so hard. but that's what you do when you get married. Your husband becomes your family. the bible says that the man goes off to prepare a home for his wife and he comes back to get his wife and take her to her new home (my own words) . But if you have ANY doubt in your mind about marriage, do not do it. don't live your life with the "what ifs" in the back of your mind. really pray and ask God for guidance. we can sit here and tell you what we think is right , but who you should really be asking is God. His plan for your life is already laid you. You're young, and have you life ahead of you. I got married when I was 20 years old. and people said we were too young, tried to talk me out of it... but im happy and im glad this is where I am today :) be blessed girl. stay strong!

[Cora 8_5]

that sounds awesome.  i would pray a lot about it, that is me, but then just go for it.  you know, life is short.  good luck whatever you decide.