My son left on 7/11 for BC

[Heather7274]

Unlike 99% of the moms and loved ones on here I don't have a lot to look forward to..no I have arrived safely phone call...no kid in the box...no letters...no PIR preparations to make..nothing, its heartbreaking! Unfortunately my son and I haven't talked in almost 2 years and now he is in GL @ BC.  I tried many many times and ways to reach out to him before he left but received no response...At this point all I can do is hope that this will be a good experience for both of us and that the lines of communication will soon reopen between him & I...I miss him terribly and think about him every minute of every day.

Sorry for the "debbie downer" post but I am so grateful for this site and group...reading everyone's positive posts and experiences has helped me get through this past week.

Heather

[AngieW (12/168)]

You are absolutely NOT alone. My son and I were almost estranged before he left for BC in March. He wrote 3 letters while in BC and that surprised me. He was excited when he got his phone calls home and genuinely seemed to miss his home and family. He is now in A School and the communication has again dwindled down to very little. He will not answer my texts and if he does it will be hours/days later. But I, like you, don't give up. I've sent care packages not knowing if he ever received them because he did not acknowledge that he did. I have sent texts almost every day...just a short have a good day and such. I don't call him because I know he won't answer. My heart is broken, but I have done everything in my power to let him know that I love him. I am not really looking forward to his leave after A School graduation, because I don't know what to expect. Will he just be out with "friends" the whole time? I found it helpful to get counseling. A neutral party can really help you come to terms with the situation.
Don't give up. My ex-husband told me once "he will come back to you". I can only hope and pray and know that I have done my very best as a parent.

[TJCsMom]

AngieW, I'm like you, too. As my son's leave gets closer, I get more antsy. I have also gotten into some counseling to help me cope/deal...just to talk it out helps so much.  I don't know what to expect while he's home on leave and am preparing myself for a repeat of the time before he left for BC. I know he will want to spend the majority of his leave with friends and I am really going to try to accept what happens and not make an issue out of it. BC really does change a lot of things about our kids...but most of them retain their personalities....and I'm grateful for that. My son has a great sense of humor and I was worried he would lose that in BC, but he didn't. Now, he's really funny AND stands taller!! LOL

[Heather7274]

Before he left I wrote him a 4 page typed out letter and mailed it to him with a self addressed stamped envelope and told him to write to me anytime for any reason...even if its to tell me off.  I know he received and read the letter...I don't know what ever came of the envelope.  I would be completely amazed if he wrote to me but oh so grateful.  Right now I have no way of knowing anything unless my ex husband tells my oldest son who of course is a momma's boy so he tells me EVERYTHING even if he was told or asked not to :) ... My son will be staying in GL after BC for another 8 weeks for MN "A" School and then he will be off to San Diego for 3-4 months...he may not be able to come home until sometime next year...The only opportunity I would have to see him would be if I went to PIR but I know he won't put me on the list, well at least not at this point in time anyway .. heck i don't even know if I will be able to get pictures when they take them :(

I have spoken with a counselor and also a few people that have similar situations and they all say the same thing...all you can do is wait and let him come to you...but i believe that i was/am a good mother and he will come back to me, when he is ready.....believe the same, and have faith in both your parenting and the Navy :)

[TJCsMom]

Just a few things for you to know....if he doesn't invite you to PIR, you will be able to watch on LiveStream that morning. I know it won't be the same, but you will be able to witness it. Maybe you will repair the relationship during BC, and then you can visit him while he is still in GL for his other training. For the photos, you can order your own photos after graduation from the NEX Photo Lab in GL. The photo package will come with an order form and proofs for reorders. Maybe you or your oldest son can get your Ex-husband to get the proofs to you so you can order your own photos. And, the DVD of PIR is not copyrighted, so you can make a copy of that for yourself, if your SR orders one. But, we are praying that your son has a change of heart, so I am also praying that you will be at PIR!! :)

[Heather7274]

I did see that the other day when I went to see if his PIR date had been added yet...(i'm getting really good at this hound dog stuff...lol)

Heck I wasn't invited or even told about his HS graduation and even though I had to sit in the cafeteria I wouldn't have missed it for anything...I think he was in shock when he came around the corner and saw me there but i was there and he knew it!!!!  So, if i have to watch via live stream I'll take it..but like you I will stay positive and hope that I can be there to see it IN PERSON...

I did also read something about being able to order pictures but it was dated 3 years ago so I didn't know if it was still possible...so thanks for confirming that for me :)

[TJCsMom]

Heather, thank you for opening up this discussion. It has helped me, too!! There are more of us on the same ship (no pun intended), and we didn't even know it!! ;)

[tiffw]

I totally agree too!  I was going to say something similar!  And to think I thought most moms/sons had this all down perfect!

[TJCsMom]

HA! In my dreams, tiffw, in my dreams!!! LOL

[Heather7274]

I sat here day after day thinking I cant write how I am feeling and what this experience is like for me because its hell and all these moms are talking about this great stuff...letters, phone calls etc...well let me tell you I am so glad I did, not just for me but for all of us that don't have perfect relationships with our boys....we can help each other through and be there to celebrate when something positive happens :)

Like I said earlier...they get a new extended family...and on here so do we 

[AngieW (12/168)]

I was in the PIR group for my son's graduation date and I eventually had to stop looking at the posts because I was being eaten alive with jealousy. All the letters and calls and I was sitting there knowing that the only reason I received any at all was because my number was probably the only one he could remember. My son and I used to be really close and I guess I just had no idea that one day he would consider me "the enemy"??? I wrote to him every single day while he was in BC...not his Father...not his friends...ME.
I put a smile on my face and went to his PIR and I am glad that I did because I truly believe that some day he will be thankful that I was there for him.

[Heather7274]

Amen....I have to believe that all our efforts aren't for nothing and they will pay off in the long run....Stay strong and positive!!!!  Like all these wonderful ladies have said to me we are all just a shout away if you are ever in need of a friend :)

[tiffw]

It would be pretty discouraging if we lived with the thoughts that all we have done and poured into our kids was in vain!  We have to stay positive and hopeful!