Update to my son left on 7/11

[Heather7274]

I hope all is well...

I have been having a rough go of things ... 

I write my SR at least every other day and yesterday my ex husband calls my oldest son to tell him he received a phone call on Saturday and 12 letters...yup 12

And what did I get, you got it...NOTHING...

I have a heavy heart today and my eyes just want to over flow with tears but I can't...I have to stop crying, it doesn't do me any good..it doesn't and wont fix anything

I will continue to write as frequently as I am but I have to admit my expectations of receiving anything in return are slowly withering away...I just fell like none of it matters and I really am nothing to him

Again sorry for the "debbie downer" but none of this is getting easier...as a matter of fact every day it gets a little harder and a little worse   =/

Heather

[PaulaKylesMom (JapanNavyMom)]

Heather. I am so sorry. I will continue to pray for the healing of your relationship. I too am here if you want to talk privately. I can only imagine the pain you feel right

[Heather7274]

Thank you very much...I am going through my own private BC...and like my SR I won't give up!!!!!

[lmcbwnc]

Heather, I am a single mom whose son just graduated bc and is in A school. Your email touched my heart. Please know that in my heart and my intuition (you know we moms have to trust our intuition) your son loves you. Would it be possible for your ex or an another relative to step up and explain to your sailor that his mom loves him so much and deserves contact too? I do know also that they do not have any time really except on Sundays. I will say a prayer for his communication. Your message touch my heart and I know you will hear from him soon. Stay navy strong, keep writing, and remember you are a navy mom. Lean on these fine ladies and don't loose heart. Dianne 

[Heather7274]

Hi Dianne...thank you for your words for as much as my heart aches the kindness and positive encouragement I get from this site is overwhelming...
I hurt day in and day out but I too believe that my son loves me and when he is ready he will reach out to me...but he needs time to be away and come to terms with everything that has happened in the past 6 years. Unfortunately I cant count on my ex husband to do anything a good parent would and should do...and if anyone ever tried to twll my son anything different then what his father said they were lying or didnt know what they were talking about...so I will continue to write...and wait...my time will come and hopefully soon because I miss my boy sooooo much

[michelle71]

Heather, our stories are so similar... I'm sorry for your pain, just believe. That this will get better, that it's not forever, and that your son loves you so much. I have always believed that my son walked on me more and catered to his dad because he knows my love comes with no conditions where as he must be diligent to maintain his fathers approval and affections. Hang in, I sure hope I get to see you at pir!

[kadikaboom626]

Hi Heather7274,
Much like you and the others my sons had a very hard time during the divorce, 2 years, tons of money and super ugly. During a particularly bad time, my son overheard me saying something bad about his dad, and told his grandmother that it really upset him. After contemplating the situation I made a choice. Although I did not want to upset my sons, it was time to set the record straight. I did not go into extreme details, but I made two things very clear. I did not expect them to stop loving their dad, he would always be their dad no matter what happened. But the next thing made my oldest son sit up and take notice. I was upset, very upset, and hurt and had been treated very badly by this man, and I had a right to be upset. My feelings were important too. And I deserved to have that respected as much as their feelings. I promised not to say nasty things about him when around them, and once that agreement was made I tried very hard to keep it. 15 years later there are still some hard feelings in all of us, but we have learned to respect each other and work thru the hard times.
Maybe it's time to stop keeping it light in hopes he will contact you. If this were me I would set the record straight, explain to him how much this hurts that he shut you out, apologize if need be, tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you. Boys are a hard bunch sometimes but things always work out better for us when we say what's really on our minds and in our hearts. Good luck to you!

[Heather7274]

Kadikaboom626- The day after his HS graduation...which by the way I was not informed about or invited to but damn straight I was there...I realized that it was time to stop being quiet and start defending myself and telling my side of the story so for the next few days I sat and said as much as I could/needed to say without bashing anyone yet getting it all out...4 typed pages later I mailed it, I know he read it because my ex husband asked my older son if he knew about it or wanted to read it when he went to visit and my older son said it was neatly folder and in the envelope...but I have yet to hear anything from my SR about it...
I know the day will come...im just hoping for sooner verses later because there has already been way too much lost time between us

[kadikaboom626]

Keeping all my fingers crossed for you! He'll come around, sometimes boys are just slow to let their feelings out! Good luck my dear, we're all thinking happy thoughts!

[AngieW (12/168)]

Just checking in with you to see how you are doing?  I hope things have eased up a bit for you.  If you need anyone to help out with the adopt a sailor letter project just let me know.  I have time to write letters!  Not much has changed on my end.  I don't get phone calls or texts on any regular basis.  My texts go unanswered, but I send them anyway.  My son is due to graduate A school at the end of September and I guess he will be coming home on leave.  I have just made peace with myself and my situation.  I still have MANY days that are filled with tears.  I just deal with it the best I know how.

I hope you have heard from your son!  I'm still here if you need to vent!

[Heather7274]

Honestly today is not a good day...actually none of them have been good but this one seems to be harder then most. I had another empty mailbox yesterday and well my phone never rings...I haven't heard anything ... and the little bits my ex-husband feeds my oldest son are just that little bits...I'm depressed and quickly losing my desire to put myself out on the limb anymore.

I want to write and be positive and encouraging but frankly I just don't think he cares if he hears from me or not so I keep asking myself why continue to torture yourself like this....and I have no answer other then he is my son and he needs to know that I am here for him, love him and am proud of him.

I just can't seem to make peace with my situation but I guess eventually I will have to accept it and just be thankful for what I do have not what I don't have.

As another mother recently said to me...I wish you health in your body and healing for your soul....

Heather 

[TJCsMom]

Heather, how are things going with you? It's been a while since I've seen anything from you and I apologize, but I can't remember when your son was to PIR. I'm sure he has by now. I looked to send you a friend request, but couldn't find the button to. Are you still on the site? If so, I'd love to hear from you.

[NJNancy]

heather7274...my heart, thougths and prayers are with you. Single mom of 5 and have learned all too well childrens actions can't be explained...keep writing, keep the faith and pray alot. Won't tell you it makes it better, just a little easier. Taking the high road with an ex is well lets just say challenging...as nutty as it sounds, have you tried writting a short and sweet (facts only) note to your ex?  As difficult as it was, I wrote a "snail mail" brief note to mine...."know we are on different pages and will probably never see eye to eye, however, we loved each other once enough to create this beautiful child and just need my mind at ease that he's ok"  Doesn't make sleeping through the night any easier...but calms a few tears on occassion. Sending you a big hug and lots of prayers...hang in there.