Boyfriend Going Into Navy - What to do with Apartment?

[lnc0904]

Hi Everyone,

 

I was hoping someone might be able to answer my question. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 years now (I'm 24, He is 27), and he is finally about to fufill his dream of being in the military. He hasn't enlisted yet, but his recruitment is in the works. I have been on this site non-stop to learn as much information as I can before he goes in, but I do have a couple questions.

 

We have shared an apartment together for two years now. He isn't quite ready to get married yet, so I am wondering how I can afford to keep our apartment on our own, since he will have a significant decrease in pay by going in to the Navy, and will not be recieving BAH with dependents during bootcamp, since I won't be his dependent.

 

My first question is, since our apartment is considered his residence too, will he get the BAH WITHOUT dependents (I saw this classifcation on the BAH calculator website)? It would be significant enough to allow me to remain in our apartment. I would ask his recruiter, but at this point I feel as if I know more about the Navy then the recruiter -__-. He hasn't been very helpful with anything else so far.

 

If he DOESN't get BAH as a "single" sailor, I will most likey have to move back home with my parents. But then that leads me to my second question: What does he put as his permanent address?? Does he technically need a permanent address? Will this create a problem for him?

 

Thank you ladies for any insight you might have, this website has already be invaluable.

 

-Lee

[UrabissWife]

hey girl, he will not get BAH while in basic, he will be residing in the barracks there. the only way i could possibly think of he getting BAH while in basic is if he owned his own home , but still even then, im not sure. 
 they say to put their parents address for their permanent residence if they are "single " , given that most of those going into basic will be fresh from high school, but if you move back home, he can put your parents address as his permanent address. i moved in with my sister while my husband went through basic and he used her address, and everything got sent there. :) he will send a box of his clothing home and a form letter saying when his PIR is. that is all , along with weekly letters but the permanent address is for the box and form letter :)

recruiters can be wishywashy my husbands recruiter was AMAZINg. i called him all the time. and he would call me to see how he was doing in basic. but i have heard of some being not so good. keep in mind that most of the recruiters went through basic and all that fun stuff years ago and a lot has changed. the nacy changes daily so they are not always up to date on the way things are ran .

[lnc0904]

Thank you so much for your response! Ugh, I am trying to avoid moving back in with my parents but it seems like it may be inevitable. Thanks for the info! Yes, recruiters I feel are hit or miss. My boyfriend was previously trying to become a Marine Officer and his Marine recruiter was the best. Unfortunately not so for the Navy recruiter :-/

 

Thanks again!

[UrabissWife]

as long as he follows his dreams, don't let the recruiter mess with what he wants. im not one of those navy wives who thinks the navy is the best and all the other branches are sissy lalas :P but from my experience and my families exerienece, if he joins the marines he needs to make sure that is what he really wants. every branch has is pros and cons. air force is most family friendly from what i hear. navy has been pretty good to us though. do you know what kind of job he is looking into?

[lnc0904]

Yes, the Marine Officer thing was a while ago. He decided not to pursue it. He is now trying to become a Navy SEAL. We are currently waiting on his medical records (he broke his ankle when he was very young) to see if that disqualifies him from even going to MEPS. I don't think it will though. He is very set on SEAL's, so we will be sticking with the Navy. His recruiter is just always cancelling his appointments and never seems very informed or is always misplacing his paperwork, its extremely frustrating. I am hoping if the process goes relatively smoothly ::crosses fingers:: he will be shipping to BC in late winter or early spring next year. I am fully aware that rarely does anything go as planned in the military though haha.

[UrabissWife]

the SEALs are really hard to get into. not saying he wouldn't be able to by all means.  that is what my husband wanted to do also. his recruiter told him its best to do his first 4 years as a job he wants, then after his 4 years try to go in for the SEALs that way if he doesn't make it he still has a job that he likes to go back to. if you go in at the first for SEALS and don't make it, the navy puts you in whatever job they want to put you. so that really changed his mind for just in case reasons. we are starting a family now, so the SEALS are def. a no go anymore b/c he would never be home. He has met a SEAL  when he was in A school and got to talk with him. it was really helpful for him to get to speak with someone who was actually living the life verses a recruiter who only touches the basics. I hope it is a smooth process as well. joining the military is life changing that is for sure, and please please please make sure that whatever his recruiter "promises" him, that he gets it in writing. they talk up things, such as sign on bonus', but that never happens.

[lnc0904]

Yes, the biggest worry I have is that he will get injured. He is an extremely determined man and is very driven and mentally tough. He is also physically fit, although I know from research that BUD/S is extremely physically/mentally demanding. We don't have plans to start a family until he is done with the military, so that part is not an issue. I know that I will primarily be alone since he is choosing SEAL, which is going to be hard but the things you do for love right? I am definitely going to make sure anything his recruiter promises him is in writing. That happened to a friend of ours in the Marine Corps, so I am well aware of some of the sneakier tactics of recruiters. Thank you so much for all your input, I really appreciate it!

[Anti M]

Single sailors do not receive BAH until they advance to E-5 or have been an E-4 for four years.  At training commands (school), never.  Only time an E-3 or below gets BAH is when the barracks are completely full, and then they go by seniority or possibly who has been waiting the longest.

You two have to have a very serious discussion about marriage.  Not just for benefits, but because the SEALs are very hard on relationships. Being single is seen as an asset.  I hope you can find some SEAL wives or Sos to speak to about what that is like first hand.

[lnc0904]

Hi Anti M,

 

Thank you for responding, I see that single sailor BAH is definitely not a possibility :-(.

 

We have been having serious discussions about marriage lately, that is why I finally opened up a discussion on here. I've been with him for 9 years now, you'd think he would know whether or not he wants to put a ring on it! I believe he has reservations mainly because he is not sure what will happen with his recruitment and wants to know definitively what direction his life will be going in before making such a serious commitment. Although, from my standpoint, the point it moot because whatever direction he goes in I want to go the same direction haha! I also think he doesn't really take seriously how much different being a girlfriend in the Navy is from being a wife in the Navy, especially since we share an apartment together :-/

 

I am a member of the SEAL wives, girlfriends and fiance's group on NFM, so that has been very helpful to read about their experiences and questions. They have even said in that group how the SEAL instructors at pre BUD/S and BUD/S yell at them all the time to not get married/dump your girlfriend. It's understandable, too, considering how much time they are gone for.

 

Thank you so much for your imput. I will discuss the BAH issue with him now that I know for sure how it works, and I guess we will plan from there. :-)

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

The only way he could get BAH in BC while single is if he has a child.  If he doesn't, no BAH. 

Once he joins, being together is going to be very difficult if you're not married.  If he goes in as E-1, he has a few years before he will even be allowed to live out of the barracks.  You guys both need to understand how it will be if you do get married and if you don't and decide what is best for you all.  If you do decide to get married, do it before he enlists, if you can.  It's hard to arrange even a courthouse wedding while the sailor is in A School and after A School, who knows where he'll be.  Read through the discussions posted in this group, you'll see quite a few about getting married. 

There is a reason people get married in a hurry when it comes to military - he gets sent wherever they need him.  If you're married, you get to go.  If not, you get to figure out your own way.  If you cant afford an apartment on your own, and many people can't right now, how would you be able to move with him if he gets stationed somewhere like San Diego, where a 2 bedroom is $1K+/month.  I guess I'm also making assumptions that you will want to move to live near wherever he is stationed.  But if you would not, and you would stay where you are currently, are you going to be happy living alone with occasional visits for the duration of his contract?  And is he ok with those circumstances, too?  Lots of questions for you two to talk about and work through. 

I wish you the best!  Lots of communication and wisdom.

[Anti M]

It is much more than BAH, the issue is access to him.  A GF does not exist to the Navy.  Not simply financially, but you can't even go pick him up on base, or get the call if he is injured.  Look for the discussions here to let him know it is a big deal.