what to expect after my sailor and I are married

[Whitney]

Hey everyone I have a few questions
My sailor\fiance is currently in bootcamp and will be finishing up soon. We plan to get married while he is in boot camp so I will be on his orders. My questions are:

1 . How will it be once I move with him at his new duty station? (How was it for the first month or so when you first moved with your sailor?)

2. Also I am currently in college working towards a bachelors degree in communications, but i plan on transferring schools so that I can be with my sailor. Are there any scholarships or grants offered to spouses or college courses offered on base for spouses?

3. Will it be easy to find a job? I have a few monthly expenses. I currently have 4 years customer service experience and an associates degree in business management. Are there any office jobs I can apply to on base? Will e2 pay be able to carry us until I can find a job?

4. How do things work on deployments?

Sorry for all the questions just wanted to know what to expect.... thanks in advance.

[Anti M]

Did you mean you'd be getting married while he is in A school?  

I don't get what you mean by the first question.  How will it be?  Honeymoonish, chaotic, learning how to live with another person, negotiating your way through all facets of marriage... money, sex, chores, even socks on the floor.  You think you have it all talked out, but you never really do until you;re living it day to day.  Or did you want to know about benefits?  What to expect from his command and job?  We;d have to know his rating (job) and then it is all best guesses until he gets hard copy orders.  

Your college credits should transfer to a new school.  You can find out if there's scholarships for spouses through Fleet and Family Services, but honestly, there is not much.  Most bases have college opportunities, but none of them are free.  

E-2 pay will make life tight, but it is doable if you're thrifty.  You'll get housing or a housing allowance, which is tax free, so that is a huge plus.  He;ll jump from E-2 to E-3 pretty quickly, less than a year.  You should be able to find a job of some sort, but each base will have different openings.  You can work offbase just as easily.  Remember, if you're in military housing, you aren't on the base.  You're in a secure neighborhood.   Again, Fleet and Family Services will be of use, they give free courses on writing resumes and doing interviews and so on.

Deployment... do you mean communication? Family groups and the ombudsman?  Pay?  Concerns about living by yourself?

[Whitney]

Thanks for replying anti m but yes we will be getting married during his A school. For the first question I guess I meant to ask how was it adjusting to the navy life as a navy spouse and what are benefits.Also did you or have you talked to anyone that's has tranfered school to be with there sailors was it a smooth process. I will have to talk to family fleet and support once we are officially married in reference to scholarships. Also my fiance wants to get his degree as well within his 4 year enlistment. He has some college credits but is it normal for sailors to attain a degree while enlisted for 4 years or does it take more time? As far as deployment I mean like how is communication during deployment, how is it being alone are there groups that do things while their sailors are gone? Will I be notified of things if my sailor is deployed? Will we know In advance if he has to deploy? Is there special pay while on deployments? Sorry if there any typos. I'm typing on my phone.

[Anti M]

I can answer the one about him getting a degree while enlisted... he may get some courses in, but finishing up a full four year degree?  Chances are quite slim.

While he is eligible to use the TA program, he must go through education counseling first, his command has to allow him to go to school while off duty, and he must finish any shipboard quals first, and meet all his physical and advancement requirements.  Many commands will not authorize a sailor to pull TA during their first year at the command because being the "new guy" takes a lot of time.  Also, he can't take many courses while deployed, if any.  Some ships do carry instructors, but finishing an online course at sea?  Nearly impossible.

I was on shore duty and was subject to so many recalls (essential technician) that I just gave up. I had a lot of college from before I joined, so I was able to get my AA finished, but the BS had to wait until after I'd served my nine years.

[Anti M]

Communication while deployed:  snail mail of course.  He will have a military email, which is screened for OPSEC and such, so no sexy talk.  The occasional phone call from him, but the lines for the phones can be long.  He can call while in port, be sure he has an international calling card (best to ask what others use when he get on board).  He can only use his cell phone in limited ways and places, usually close to port, if at all. He has to be careful, international roaming charges when he just wanted to listen to music can be crazy.

He can take a laptop with him, but it will only work at wifi hotspots in ports not onboard (he can use it to watch movies/play games instead).  Heard of people getting hacked while using overseas hotspots, be careful.  Skype in liberty ports or USO facilities.  

Serious family emergencies such as death or hospitalization go through the Red Cross.  

[Whitney]

And his rate is personnel specialist

[Melissa]

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, but make sure you research the marriage thing because you have to get married BEFORE he gets orders but if you want to get married boot camp grad weekend your supposed to ask for permission and then he will have a ton of paperwork to do while he's n A school. 

And in all honesty my husband and i got married right after A school & i moved across the country to be with him, living together for the first time was chaotic. We had to get to know each other differently, adjust to living together and having just each other with no family and friends around. We lived in a shitty little apartment, had no furniture & i'm not going to sugar coat it, it was rough. But in the end it only made our relationship stronger. 

As far as a transfer, i had to transfer to an Online college... because consider the fact that... well schools usually only take applicants certain times a year & it's not as easy as well i'm moving i'm transferring, so do your homework before you count on just getting in somewhere and starting where you left off.. Because sometimes credits don't transfer so it may end up setting you back. 

My husband and i scrapped by on e2 pay and me working but i made about $1000 a month. You can do it, people do but we struggled. The job will all depend on the area, your experience, how hard you try, etc. I constantly hear people say they can't find jobs, but then again they are picky about the type of jobs and scheduling. I worked my butt off and if it meant time away from my husband then to bad, we needed me to work. 

I don't mean to scare you in any way what so ever, i'm just giving you my HONEST experiences as a young military wife. We have now been married three and half years, i now make almost more money then he does including his BAH. Military life is what you make of it, i wanted and needed a job to prepare for him leaving the military. I don't have my degree yet but am still working towards achieving it, but i just landed a great job after a lot of hard work & now as an E4 family (no kids) we are going to be making nearly $8,000 combined and we are both 24.  When he joined & we got married we were 20 and making approx $3,000 combined. 

Good luck! Wish you the best... hopefully your first experiences are better than mine

[EmilyNicole98]

Melissa, your description of the first few months living together made me giggle.. We currently live in a small shitty apartment with limited furniture, hahaha. 

[EmilyNicole98]

-Make sure you get married before he gets his orders -which happens during a-school-, or else this will cause a world of headaches!

-The first month is very VERY chaotic. As soon as you get to base, have your husband take you to base to get all the paperwork done. You need to get an ID card from Pass and ID, get enrolled in DEERS (which puts you in Tricare on Standard, visit the Tricare office if you want to switch to Prime), and get put on his page 2/talk about worst case scenario situations. Get your car registered and get a sticker. This is also done at Pass and ID. Make sure you do this as soon as possible because you can't access base alone without an ID. If you want dental insurance, you need to enroll in that yourself and there's a monthly fee. Join the FRG group on Facebook to stay updated too. 

-I recommend getting the book "The Five Love Languages". They just came out with a military edition but the original is awesome too. It's never too soon to improve your communication skills. :) The first month is a lot of learning about each other and how to live together peacefully..learning living habits, developing routines, that kind of thing. It's not that hard, I promise! My husband and I went straight from a seven month deployment and a year of basically never seeing each other to being married and living together and we were fine. :) 

-I transferred schools halfway through a bachelors degree; the process was extremely easy and I only lost a few credits. Call the advising department at a school you want to attend and ask for a phone appointment. If you're lucky, they'll let you can email your unofficial transcripts and go over everything with you on the phone. You can check into MyCAA but it's pretty limited and I'm not sure it'll cover what you're going after. There are college courses offered on base, but those are also limited and I don't know much about it, sorry! 

-Yes there are jobs on base, like at the NEX, commissary, fast food offices, gyms/pools, etc. It can be very hard to get one though because of high demand. Be prepared to have a hard time finding a job anywhere around the base! E2 pay should be just fine. My husband and I are surviving on E3 pay and I don't have a job yet. We live paycheck to paycheck but we aren't exactly struggling. It will help if you live off base because when you live on base they take all of your BAH. Off-base you can easily pay rent, utilities, and several other bills with the BAH. 

-The FRG group can be a valuable asset, especially during deployments (I actually just got home from a meeting lol). They give you information about the ships movements, how to keep your family strong, how to deal with deployment and stress etc., plan events...they do a lot. The meetings are typically once a month. Every FRG is different though and some are not as good as others. 

-You will have some advanced notice about deployments, but the amount of time can vary greatly. Some ships are on rapid deployment schedule and they get very little notice. Usually though, you will know a few months in advance. My husband's ship is currently in dry dock, so we know 1-2 years ahead of time. Last time though, we had a month's notice.

-There is a little bit of extra pay during deployments. There's separation pay, sea pay, and sometimes combat pay (only if they're in what's considered a dangerous/war zone). All of this can add up to around <$500 a month I believe. 

[Whitney]

@melissa- Thank you! And yes i have been doing some research on the marriage process. We plan to get married while he's in A school in Meridian,Ms before he gets his orders. As far as Transferring schools, i've only taken 2 semesters so far so i'm not the deep into anything yet so i think at this point it wouldn't really harm me to transfer schools. After reading your comment i looked into taking classes online and found programs that would work for my major and they also offer discounted tuition prices to navy spouses so thats always a plus. I currently have an associates in business management so hopefully those credits will transfer over just fine as well i will have to look into it. How soon after moving with your husband were you able to find a job? or did you apply for jobs ahead and get an over the phone interview? I wouldn't say i'm all that picky but i would like to try to stay in an office setting but i'm open minded as long as we are able to live comfortably. finally when your husband joined was that $3000 including his pay and BAH? or was it including his pay, BAH, and the $1000 that you contributed as well? I think its wonderful that you guys are doing so well now financially it definitely inspires me and gives me hope. sorry for all the questions but thank you so much for all the great answers!!!

@Emilynicole98-I will definitely have him enrolling into everything as soon as possible. And yes someone else recommended that book to me as well. I will definitely make sure we both have a copy to read!!!! I've heard nothing but good things about that book. It's great to know that they have a military edition because i was almost going to get the original. We were hoping to live off base so we could use the extra to pay bills. we currently have 1 car thats paid for and 1 car that we are currently paying off. But we have no children right now so i'm hoping we will still be able to get through until i find a job. The FRG group definitely sounds like something i want to be a part of. Also, were you able to connect with the other spouses? Do you guys plan activities or outings when or if your sailor is deployed? Im hoping that my fiancé will know way in advance of any deployments. But i know we still have to be prepared for anything. This may sound dumb but do all sailors get sea pay if deployed or does it only apply to certain rates? thank you so much for the advice!! your answers were great!!

@Anti m- Wow ok. well even if he can get his AA finished that will still be helpful. He has also taken some college courses and i've heard his A school training can transfer over to college credits. Hopefully that is true!!!

Thank you guys for all of your great advice!! 

[Melissa]

I worked for a company that I was able to transfer to jobs & it was a plus that I got promoted 2 months later, so that worked out perfectly for me. $3000 was approx mine and his income combined including bah. Also for schools I do not recommend ashford and I personally did not like university of Phenoix. But now i go to ctu and really like it.

[Whitney]

Ok cool. Wow u were lucky... if only I knew where he'd be getting stationed it would help so much right now. Not sure if my job will transfer. Of course I know it depends on location and openings.... also I will look into ctu.. have you heard anything about Devry university??

[Anti M]

Here are the pay scales and bah calculator.  They take taxes out of the base pay, but not the BAH.

http://www.navycs.com/2013-military-pay-chart.html#enlisted-paycharts

http://www.defensetravel.dod.mil/site/bahCalc.cfm

Family Separation is $250 a month after 30 days at sea, but he has to put in the form (they make sure the guys do, usually).

BAS is for food for him if he isn't eating on the ship or chow hall.  That's just under $350 and goes away when he deploys. NEVER use this to count on for paying bills, they screw it up all the time.  This is your grocery money/go out money when he's at home.  Or put it into savings.

Sea pay isn't much:

http://www.navycs.com/seapaycharts.html

Combat pay is per day as the ships move in and out of combat zones.  $7.50 a day, up to $225 a month.