Waiting for My Son to come home

[Bradys_Mom]

My son left for bootcamp on Thursday, Nov 7th, and on Friday evening I received a phone call from him in tears that he was sent to the Federal Hospital and was so scared it broke my heart.   He was under observation for major depression, he should absolutely no sign of this prior to leaving.  He was sent to Ship 5 on Tuesday and is now in a holding pattern until his discharge is processed.  I do not know if it will be a medical discharge or a general one.  I have been reassured that it will not be anything dishonrable. 

I was at such a loss earlier last week and did not know where to turn.  I was so worried about him dealing with all this totally on his own and then dealing with my own confusion as to what just happened.  When my son left he was so focused and was showing unbelievable leadership skills that amazed all of us.  He is now second guessing his decision and just wants to come home.

 

He is able to get his old job back so I know he will not be sitting aournd doing nothing when he gets home but I don't want to see him abandon his dream.  My biggest battle right now is dealing with being able to let him make his own decisions and accepting that the goals that I had for him may not be his.  No matter what he does with his life he will always have our support 100%,

[momofcct]

https://www.facebook.com/groups/535221726514465/

join thive group of ppl.s fb group. we all have been blindsided by the actions of the navy. very supporti

[wyhes]

I wish the best for you and your son. He is blessed to have a supportive family. I have had a similar situation with my daughter. She is home now and working out her future plans. We just want our children safe and content. Take care.

[Bradys_Mom]

I wish you and your daughter the best.  I have to give them so much credit and they have so much courage to make these decisions at such a young age.  The Navy may not have worked out for them but they will do amazing things with their lives and makes a Mom very proud.  God bless.

[Angie]

I am sorry this is going on...

Just so you know having a dream and actually being at bootcamp are two different things, many young people can not handle being away from their family and being at bootcamp.  It is hard..if he is in Ship 5, he is going home.  He can TRY and appeal it while he is there, but he could be stuck in ship 5 for months and over the holidays is very hard.  

He hasn't even been in bootcamp long enough to get a general discharge it will be an Admin discharge, he will not be getting any benefits from the VA or the Navy..though you can check with your state if he will get any, though I highly doubt he will.

As far as what is going on with him, he is the only one who can tell you that, unless he signs the paper work stating that legal and or medical can tell you what is going on.

He will be good...just be there to support him.

[Bradys_Mom]

I heard from him today and he is meeting with Legal tomorrow and will know more about the type of discharge, he was told it was a General Discharge but we will have to wait and see.  Last week was the toughest week I have ever been through.  I was heart broken that he was alone going through all this and I have to admit battling my own demands.  I will never admit it to him, but I was really torn on what I wished for him and what he wanted.  I pictured him making a career out of the Navy and it's hard to take a step back and let him make his own choice. 

Whoever said that parenting would get easier when the kids got older had no clue.  It is hard to let them make their own decisions when our wishes are different.  We will always support him and I am so thankful that I have this forum to say what I want and to not interfer with his choices.

If all goes well, he may be home by Thanksgiving and he can recover and see where life will take him.

 

[Bradys_Mom]

Hi Angie,

You seem to have some insight into this, I just found out that his discharge is coded as a RE-4, from what I have seen that he will not be able to reinlist, any knowledge of this type of discharge?  He seems ok with it and knows that he could grieve it but it could take up to six ix months and he is not ready to pursue this.  Could this effect him if he wanted a government job in his future?  I'm just trying to have an idea of what is ahead of him and to offer him some guidance.  Any information would be greatly appreciated.

[Angie]

All the RE 4 means is he can not enlist in the military again. http://usmilitary.about.com/od/theorderlyroom/l/blcode1.htm

There will also be a 3 number or letter codes that go with the RE -code that says why he was discharged, that is what means something.  

Also when he gets home he can try to get the RE4 changed to an RE3  http://www.public.navy.mil/bupers-npc/career/recordsmanagement/Page...

[PetSasso]

Good Morning.... Our sons might be together right now ... Here is my own sons situation...

My Son arrived at BC on November 5th and that evening I got the "I am here call", 2 days later the BOX arrived and I felt like my son had died and that the Navy was sending me his "remains" :( I didn't hear anything for 2 weeks....everyone was receiving their Form Letters and I still hadn't gotten mine (which was VERY frustrating since I live only 45 minutes from GL !!)

On Monday, November 18th, I called the PAO (Public Affairs Office at GL) and spoke to someone there about needing to get his mailing address, they checked their systems and said he was on Ship 2 Division 907. When I asked them what could be preventing me from getting that Form Letter, they put me on hold and came back and said...I dunno...He isnt on any holds, medical or anything... I was elated that I now had an address and that the PAO confirmed that all was fine and that I could now put all 18 of my letters into the mail box, which I promptly did Monday morning!!  

Then.... around 8pm on Tuesday night, November 19th, my son called! It felt soooooo GREAT to hear his VOICE!!! Then the world turned upside down:( Here is what he told me .....

"Mom everything isn't going great! Shortly after I got here I got really constipated and was told to go to Medical. I don't know what happened, but then on Friday night, November 8th, I was eating dinner and I had a PANIC ATTACK ! The next day, Saturday the 9th, they had me go to the Mental Clinic. They had me talk to someone there and I had to fill out a questionnaire and it showed that I was depressed."

At this point I still didn't know how bad things were...so I tried to comfort him by telling him, that constipation is very normal in BC, strange food, stress that in itself can cause anyone to become constipated, and as far as the questionnaire showing that you are depressed, I bet if they questioned every one there that the test would show nearly all of them are!... 

He went on... "All of last week (November 10-16) I was back n forth between Medical Clinic for the Constipation and the Mental Clinic because of the 1 panic attack. I got really far behind in my training and the RDC and the Sr. Chiefs were so pissed off at me, they would yell at me all day, all of the time." " Finally on Monday morning the 18th, II was told I could finally get my immunizations."

I was like..."Immunizations? Thats really late to be getting them. Dont you usually get those on like day 2?"

He said "Yes, but thats what I mean, I got far behind. So I go to get my immunizations and my PB shot and they hand me a medical list of questions, to answer Yes or No to. One of the questions was (Have I ever felt light headed or dizzy during a work out?) I answered Yes because there have been times, when if I didn't eat enough food before my workouts, I would get a little light headed, but I knew it was my own fault for not eating enough prior. After that they tell me to go down to an office to talk to a Petty Officer. He says to me - Because you marked that you have felt light headed or dizzy during a work out, we have to do an (Entry Level MEdical Separation) on you!

I said...what does that mean?

He said - it means that I have been separated from my ship and my division.

I said - You mean Ship 2 Division 907?

He said - yes

I said - what ship are you on now?

He said - Ship 5, no division

I said- so what happens now?

He said I will be here for a couple of weeks and then I will be home

I said - then what happens ?

He said - then, Mom..... Im just home!

Through all of the tears and crying and strain on his voice... My heart was breaking for him and I felt so helpless!

He called me again yesterday morning, and it was good to hear his voice again. He sounded a tiny bit better, probably because he NOW knew that I knew and he had, for the first time, since he got there, had connected with me.

He described to me how he was stripped of his new uniforms and made to wear old navy clothes from a closet with a name tag. There is nothing to do but watch TV and read books. The comoradarie is gone. He feels like he did something wrong, like hes imprisioned. He described how the Sr Chief put him in a closet and yelled and accused him of Fraudulent Enlistment. I reassured my son, that he has nothing to fear about that, because he didnt fraud anything on his enlistment papers. People get stressed, constipated, depressed. I was proud of him for answering the question about working out honestly. So many people would have been tempted to lie. Its a shame that they did not ask him to elaborate on his answer...but he tells me that he was ready to come home and still is!

I don't for see him home before Thanksgiving, but I am quite certain he will be home before Christmas. I feel so sad and so bad for my son! I cant even imagine what he has gone through and what he is still going to be going thru whle he sits there and waits....

Thanks for listening,,. Im still in the "shock stage" myself here. Made a lot of phone calls yesterday to family... cancelled the reservations at Navy Lodge, etc..

One day at a time.... right?

[Bradys_Mom]

I'm so sorry you and your son are going through so much heartache.  It has been hard here too, my son was hoping to come home tomorrow, but when the flight schedule was posted his name was not listed for tomorrow or Monday.  We are still hopefull that he will be home before Thanksgiving but we know it is definite. 

My son has been in the same holding pattern has your son, watching tv and doing  a lot of reading.  I guess they also do get a few jobs to keep them busy, my son went in as a Master of Arms and was given the role of Head MA and has enjoyed some of the responsibilities.  I hope they are hanging out together and giving each other support.

My son was also sent to the Mental Clinic and had spent a few days there.  I hated not to be there physically to help him through this.  I have been carrying my cell phone with me every where like a teenage girl every since this all started to happen.  I don't want to miss his phone call.

 

Its hard to hear the frustrations in their voices and not be able to do anything to help but to offer encouragement.  I have to admit this has been the hardest last two weeks in my life.  I guess we need to take comfort knowing that they will be home to us soon and we will be able to celebrate the holidays with our sons.

Hang in there, soon they will be home with us. And yes, we have to take this one day at a time.

[PetSasso]

I got another call today from my son and he said that his Separation Code is an EN8 . I wa happy to hear that because that means that he would be able to reenlist later if he so chooses... He told me today they went to Legal adn I asked him to make sure he signs the waiver that allows ME to talk to the NAVY about HIM. Also to sign the HIPPA at medical that allows me to talk to them. He said hes waiting for the commanding chief to sign off on his purple folder...if he signs off on it by tomorrow then He might be home the day B4 Thanksgiving. Im so sorry to hear about your Sailor :( This is just been a horrible mistake that the Navy has made... they just dont know it yet :(

[Mom-Adam A]

Bradys mom - I am sorry for what your son is dealing with.  And as a mother I understand your frustration.  I hope he will be home to you soon.  And you are doing a great job as a mother; supporting your son no matter what.  That's what we as mothers do.  Some may not understand, but  I believe God made us mothers different.  We are nurturers by nature.  It's very difficult to let our kids go.  But we stay strong and support what ever decision they make.  We are the ones they can always turn to. 

My son left for boot camp only yesterday and today I received a call from him that he is in Separation b/c of his A.D.D. diagnosis and not being off his medication for a year. And also for being in therapy for it.  My son, my only child, is 19.  His father and I have been separated since he was 2, but my fear even before he joined the Navy is his anger issues and depression as well as his father has been diagnosed with it.  Who has been hospitalized for suicide attempts.  Regardless of what others think when they find out he is being sent home, I don't care.  They don't know his entire history and as proud as I was of him for joining the Navy completely on his own, I would support him no matter what he decides.  Yes, it would be a great opportunity for him. But I believe everything happens for a reason.

I noticed you posted "he will always have OUR support".  Unfortunately in my household I am the only one being supportive.  My significant other whom is not his biological father but has been more of a father to him, is not supportive at all of him leaving and does not understand nor cares to.  Being a parent is the hardest job in the world.  With both rewards and heartache.

All in all, you are not alone.  I feel your pain and wish your family the best.  Stay strong. 

[Bradys_Mom]

Hi Mom-Adam A,

I'm sorry you and your son are not getting the support from the rest of your family.  I can relate because my Dad is not supporting my son's decision anyway.  But it does come down to the fact that they are now young adults and this decision is their decision. As a parent we have our own ideals for them but they have to make this decision, no one else. 

Stay strong for your son, he needs your support right now and everyone else will just have to accept that this is his life and with your help I am sure he will be fine.

Stay strong too and have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Hopefully our boys will be home soon so we can spoil them.  :)