Just need someone to talk to

[nessaC27]

Hello! My boyfriend just joined the Navy but does not leave for boot camp until April (Thank goodness I have some time to prepare myself .) We started dating when we were 14, our freshmen year of high school. We're both 19 now and live together. He's my best friend and we plan on getting married sometime after boot camp. I've tried doing research on my own but who know better then girls who have actually been through it? I just really want to know what to expect, what not to do, hear any advice or experiences, and just have people I can talk to really. :) 

[Sarah]

Hi! I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years, I'm 18, he just turned 20. Make the most of the time you have together because he will be leaving before you know it. Boot camp was tough for me because I never knew when I would hear from him and not getting to talk to him was tough but we made it though it and came out stronger than ever. Our relationship is so amazing and although it's long distance it's all worth it to me. My advice is to stay strong because the time will fly by and for those moments when you get to see him it's totally worth it! Good luck to the both of you! I can definitely be a person to talk to you if you need to through it, I've been though it and it sucks never knowing when you get to hear from them next but it's always so special the time you do get to talk again

[nessaC27]

hey! thanks for replying! how long ago did he go to boot camp? and We have some experience with long distance because i'm from Texas and he's from Arkansas and we met in a boarding school which we both attended for high school. It's probably defiantly most likely going to be the not talking part that will drive me crazy! And now we're having to deal with the decision on weather I should to move back to Texas (where all my friends and family are at, hes the only reason I'm living in Arkansas) or keep our home here in Arkansas.. -.- What was the hardest part about boot camp for you?

[Sarah]

He just graduated from boot camp 2 weeks ago so now he is in pensecola. I think the hardest part was not being able to talk and now the hardest part is just never knowing when I will be able to see him again cause it's expensive to get a flight out to California

[nessaC27]

Ouch. But is A school less strict? like do you guys get to talk more now? And what is his MOS? 

[Sarah]

Way less strict, I talk to him and FaceTime him everyday. He is a parachute rigger

[nessaC27]

Cool. Mine is going in for aviation electronics technician. Do you have any plans on when you're going to see him next?

[Sarah]

Probably not until February. A lot fell through and before we knew it plane tickets were $1,200 one way around Christmas time

[meagan5220]

Don'ts: NEVER EVER compare your communication or lack there of to someone else's. You will always be disappointed.. there is always a sailor not doing their job and sitting around emailing/calling/etc all day long. Appreciate the times he does get to call or email even if he just gets to say have a nice day love you. Don't drop your friends that are dating civilans "because they don't understand" Its one thing that kills me! Its so stuck up to turn your back on your friends because their so has a different job than yours. Just like they may not understand everything you are going through you may not understand everything they have gone through in their life. I don't expect most people to know how to comfort me through some of the things I have gone through in my life but none the less I appreciated them trying! Because its extremely uncomfortable to console someone when you don't understand their pain. So any friend willing to comfort you whether the words aren't right exactly is not someone that deserves to be treated poorly. Also, don't turn your back on them because their problems don't seem as "big" to you! They are still your friends and I am sure they have listened to your petty problems when they were dealing with big things, or that petty problem might just be another drop in a rainstorm of problems they are dealing with. Don't give your friends a hard time because they miss their SO that has only been gone for an 8 hour shift. EVERYONE deserves to miss their loved ones no matter how long they are gone. Any day could be anyone's last and they deserve to miss those they love because its time away from them either way. Don't ever trust anything will go off without a hitch.. because it wont... and if it did be wary lol!


DO's: Still live your life while he is gone! Time wasted is a horrible thing to do! There are people out there that would do anything for a day or two of more time. Make use of the time he is away! Volunteer, take free online classes, workout, pick up a hobby, spend time with friends and family! Be prepared! If yall are thinking about getting married start saving, and getting your original documents together now! Never to early to be ready! Expect curve balls, because you will get quite a few in a military relationship and if you aren't prepared you will be on your ass. :) Learn to google and research! lol It seems silly but its so frustrating to see girls asking for answers that can be obtained by simply googling and reading! It will be such a tremendous asset in the future when trying to figure out information! Explore new areas that he gets stationed in! That's another bad thing to waste! A free trip to a new area! It might not be on your top pick of vacation destinations but you can always find something positive out of any situation! Learn to fend for yourself, learn to be sad and let it go, learn your love language (each of you!), learn what makes you happy on your darkest day, learn to make dinners for one person.

I am sure I will think of more... but Its been a long day :) my mind keeps getting side tracked to things I didn't accomplish today! If you have any specific questions feel free to ask. I will answer if I can :)

[Anti M]

Learn about the Navy... for example MOS is Army and sounds funny to sailors.  You mean rate or rating, and the specialty is NEC.  There's a lot of jargon, abbreviations and terms specific to the Navy, knowing that level of detail will help you communicate when it comes to your needs as a dependent.  

Learn the cliches, because they are fundamentally true.  Hurry up and wait is a big one.  Stay flexible, be patient, have a sense of humor.  What's true for one sailor may not apply to your sailor.  If one gets in trouble, they all can lose privileges.  Holidays are just dates on a calendar, celebrate when you're together.  Leave and liberty can be suspended any time, be prepared.

Start sorting out your personal property, find out what you need in the way of documents, and sort out the banking, insurance, car and so on.  If you are planning to marry while he is in school, you will need to fly to Pensacola and do it there.  He will need to submit a chit asking permission, go to counseling or a class.  His school is long, and usually he will be there twice as long as the "seat time" listed on his orders.  You will have plenty of time to get it done.

[meagan5220]

Very true. It will be easier for other Navy wives to help you out too if you use Navy lingo. While some of us might know some from other branches not everyone will and it can confuse the situation more! I also want to add DO follow your dreams! If you wanted to become a nurse do it! If you wanted to become a teacher do it! You don't want to resent him because you gave up your dream to follow him.

[nessaC27]

Haha I just knew that term because that's what his recruiter was calling it.. But thanks!

[J's Wife]

Spend as much time as you can with him while he's here and just enjoy his company and prepare yourself for no communication, then be pleasantly surprised when you hear from him. Then spend lots of time with your family and friends while he's gone and make good memories with them because then it's the other way around (you move away from them and miss them, but you have your husband.. it's usually one or the other). Just start embracing and accepting your new life style- filled with incredibly romantic times together and apart and lots of great opportunities for the both of you. One thing I had to learn to do was turn off my military thinking though. It's easy to get sucked in to the negative aspects of military life, especially while they're away. Sometimes while my husband is gone, especially when he was in boot, I had to remind myself that I didn't have to think about the Navy in order to think about him. For example, I could think about a memory about him that made me smile without thinking about the Navy and his absence. It's easy to get too caught up in your current situation, think about it too much, and get yourself down. That is another reason it's good to have/keep your friends who might not have any experience with the Navy. My best friend's husband joined the marines, and mine the Navy. I can call her when I want to vent and have someone know what I'm talking about. However, my other friends or my mom are great at making me feel like I'm putting effort into our relationship by saying it must be tough or something. And, they're excellent at getting my mind off of separations. It's kinda like having the friends that will cheer you up and the friends that will cry with you, if that makes sense. lol But every friendship is different. I've lost a couple friends who didn't understand why I was okay with the military lifestyle or who didn't understand that just because I spent a lot of time with my husband before he left (and not as much with them) didn't mean I didn't love them anymore. lol You'll figure it out. Learn everything you can about the Navy like people have said. It made me feel better when the recruiters would talk to my husband when I understood what they were saying. Don't be afraid to ask questions. My husbands recruiter made one of his meetings almost completely about me and let me ask him anything I wanted to know and broke things down for me (obviously not all of them have time for this, but it couldn't hurt to ask or just give them a call with a couple questions). Also, try to be strong before he leaves. It depends on the person, but my husband ended up getting a few more hours after he checked in to be shipped out and he decided not to call his family back because he just couldn't really do the tearful goodbyes again. I made the cut because I was with him and I wasn't balling, and he wouldn't have had a choice. ;) lol As hard as it was, I showed him I was going to miss him more by being strong than I would have if I cried. Also, I kept reminding myself that I JUST saw him and I didn't really miss him just yet- That once I really started missing him I would let myself be really upset. lol I know it sounds silly, but it was just kinda like tricking myself and it worked pretty well. Also, try to let some of the time before he leaves be about his civilian life. Meaning, unless he wants to talk more about it or you have a question you really need to ask, don't constantly remind him he's leaving. EVERY single person we saw constantly brought it up because they were saying goodbye- but it was nice for him to have someone who wasn't on the subject. I guess that's some of my preboot advice. Sorry if I went overboard. lol Let me know if you have any questions. Have you figured out what you're going to do for rent and stuff while he's gone? He probably wont see any pay til about 6 weeks into boot and because you're not married he won't be getting a housing allowance. Oh! Also, try to plan something fun the weekend or so after he leaves. One of my best friends got married right after he left and I took my mom as my date and we had a really good time. It helped a lot to have some fun and have something to look forward to.