Husband's first deployment Moved home or stay at duty station

[NicoleH10]

Hi there, so my husband will be deploying sometime soon and I was wondering if anyone has ever moved back while their spouse was deployed? This is our first deployment, and we currently only have been at our duty station for a few months, so when he goes we won't even be here a year. I just would like thoughts on if anyone has ever done this or not, pros vs. cons, any info would be great! (I already know the military won't pay for it). Thanks! 

[Ryane]

Well, I moved home while I wait to be able to go overseas to be with my husband. It might be months until I can, so I thought, why not? It will be easier with family. I honestly regret it. I miss having my own home and privacy. I miss having a place that was mine. I liked my privacy. Maybe that's just me though. Do what you think is best for you, though!

[EmilyNicole98]

I haven't done it myself, but I have several friends who have. 

Pros: You're surrounded by family and friends during the deployment and the extra support really helps. You could possibly save money, but that could be outweighed by what you spend to do this. You won't have to live alone and might feel safer because you aren't alone. It could be more or less stress on you. You'll get to spend time with people you probably rarely see because of the military lifestyle. You won't feel as alone. 

Cons: You won't be able to participate in FRG events and you won't be able to hang out with other wives who know what you're going through. You'll miss making crucial bonds with other wives during the deployment. You'll have to move twice in a span of about eight months all by yourself, you'll have to figure out what to do with your stuff (move it all home, rent a storage space, etc.), you have to pay to move twice. You won't be in the same apartment when you get back, you could run into major issues if you live in base housing, the new place will be foreign to him when he gets back. You'll have to quit a job if you have one. You might get attached and not want to leave home when he gets back (yes, I've actually seen this....they got a divorce because she wouldn't go back with him). Sometimes living with family is MORE stressful for various reasons.

People do it all the time, but it's a very small percentage. I personally would not want to uproot my life and put it on hold for eight months... living at home would feel like I was stuck in the past and I would feel like I wasn't independent enough to take on the deployment by myself...but that's just my opinion. Do what's best for you!

[Anti M]

Excellent points.  If you have to break a lease, that gets expensive and is a bad precedent (credit report, etc.).   

I could never move back with my family after I moved out the first time.  I loved them dearly, but when I was under their roof, at any age, I was treated like I was still 13.  Family dynamics can be strange, and very hard on relationships.  While it may seem like you're saving money on rent, you may end paying in other ways.   Your family dynamic may be better, so you'll know if this sounds right or not.  

And yeah, I've seen one new wife move home and decide she missed her old friends more than her husband.  Ouch.

My dad was in the Navy, so when it came to being apart from my sailor husband, I'd seen Mom do it.  She stayed independent, formed close ties with the other military wives and her church, and made sure Dad never had a worry about us.  It was like she underwent her own "deployment", like a right of passage.

Good luck with either decision.

[NicoleH10]

Thanks for all the info I really appreciate the pros and cons you all have given, very good points. We also have 3 children 6, 2, and 7 months. Probably best to stay put lol. 

[meagan5220]

I think this is a very personal, situational based decision. I personally moved home for a few months during deployment for a few reasons. First off I have some medical conditions that I would have had to wait months to get into see a specialist. Back home a specialist had just moved into my hometown with no patient list thus no wait list. That same doctor also offered me a job at $20 an hour to watch her kiddos after school. Plus our household goods were actually in storage in our hometown waiting for a change of home port move. And I had the option to live with a friend. I saved  almost $10,000 in three months. It was such the right decision for us and for me. I got all my test run on my gallbladder in the time it would have taken for me to get into my first appointment at his duty station. I think it would be different if we had kids especially in school. If I have just one younger kid and I had a separate place to live I would probably still go home. But that's so my kid could see their family. Whatever decision you make don't let other people try to make you upset about it. Women will have something to say about it either way. When people try to say something to me about how I only went home because I am not a "big girl" I just laugh. I lived on my own for four years before I dated my husband. I handle my life just fine. I would have been stupid to not take the opportunity  I was given because of pride over how a "real" navy wife handles deployment.       

[meagan5220]

Ps my comments about women giving you a hard time don't apply to any of the people that have commented so far. They were very respectful. :) 

[Angie]

I have many friends with young children who went home while their spouse was deployed.  They did it to be near family who could help with the children.  

It really is up to you what you want to do..It is nice to be near the FRG if the one you are in is good.  It is also nice to be near family who can help you.  

Something else to think about is that you all will need to change your Tricare if you do move home while he is deployed, otherwise your insurance will be all jacked up. 

Write a list of pros and cons for you and talk to your hubby about what you all think is best