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**UPDATE 4/26/2022** Effective with the May 6, 2022 PIR 4 guests will be allowed.  Still must be fully vaccinated to attend.

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In light of observed changes and impact of the Coronavirus Delta Variant and out of an abundance of caution for our recruits, Sailors, staff, and guests, Recruit Training Command is restricting Pass-in-Review (recruit graduation) to ONLY fully immunized guests (14-days post final COVID vaccination dose).  

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Hey guys I have a few questions, hoping you guys can provide some answers. My fiance is currently in bootcamp. His graduation is Friday June 6th. We planned before he left to have our wedding ceremony that weekend as well. I need to confirm a few things ive heard. 1. Is it against the rules to get married the weekend of PIR? 2. If the sailor is from illinois can he go home even if its a little more than 50 miles from Great Lakes? 3. My fiance will be on hold 9 days before he goes to A School in Virginia, will he have liberty while on hold?

If you have any answers or any additional  information that will help me I will greatly appreciate it.

Thanks

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Replies to This Discussion

How do you find out if or how long they'll be on hold?

He was told by his RDC i believe and he told me

How long after he got to boot camp did you figure that out? The reason why I'm asking is because my SR and I are getting married when she gets to California. I'll be driving there. We wanted to know if we'd have time to do that but at this point I know nothing.

Well he has been there for about 5 weeks now. I believe I got the letter saying it about week 4

They are advised not to marry PIR weekend.  Any "verbal permission" they get from an RDC is worthless.  It then becomes their choice whether to disobey the rules for liberty or not.

They absolutely CANNOT travel more than 50 miles away from RTC during that weekend.  While Great Lakes might let a marriage slide, they WILL NOT overlook violating the liberty miles limit.  No exceptions. No overnight liberty anyway, so it would be a quick trip.

The hold times are always an estimate because there are so many factors.  Usually they fly the ones going out of state for A school the next morning, on Saturday.  Sometimes it is Sunday, or early the following week.  I have no idea why the RDC might have told your sailor nine days. Maybe the tornadoes?   It may be true, but know that it is more than a little unusual to have that knowledge beforehand.  RTC does not have the facilities to house large numbers of sailors on hold, the training side normally does that.  Strange.  

 If they do have liberty while on hold, they will be phase one.  That means a curfew each evening, and two liberty buddies unless they put in a chit for a family member to be their liberty buddy.  Liberty mile limit of 300 miles.  

why is getting married that weekend not advised. While I love him and cant wait to acquire his last name, I dont want to do anything that will cost him his military career.

Britholmes because honestly there is not enough time to get married and the paper work process is a hassle girl.  That day goes by SUPER fast because he will be given back to his family after graduation, then hang out and has to be back 1900-2100 (2hr gap) so there isn't enough time to get married. They leave the next day between 3am to 9pm.  If he does get married during PIR, he will get in trouble because it will look like he can't follow simple rules, don't take it the wrong way.  I understand you love him and want to get married to be put on his orders, but I would recommend getting married during A school so he doesn't get in trouble, especially if he is going to Virginia.

You won't get an official answer, but I can give some insight about several things.  Not saying any of this applies to you personally, but rather, it is a blanket protection of the investment the Navy just put into their new sailors.   Some of the reasons are not flattering to potential mates, I am in no way suggesting that all of this applies to anyone specifically.

The Navy prefers their young sailors to go through a class and/or counseling before marriage.  One reason is to inform them of their rights and responsibilities as spouse, how to apply for benefits and allowances, and what the Navy regs are, or where to find resources for their family.   This way, the information is passed in an orderly fashion, the Navy knows their sailors are entering prepared.  

Another type of counseling is to make sure the sailor is not being swindled into a marriage, there are plenty of leeches out there who know about military money.  The class is actually called "How not to marry a jerk or jerkette".   They want a chit to be run, so the sailor's chain of command can screen for a fraudulent marriage, or for one which would interfere with a sailor's security clearance.  Or they think it would be better to be married and avoid a lot of the Navy imposed restrictions on their living arrangements and free time (which does not happen). 

Third, boot camp is an emotional pressure cooker.  Making life decisions in boot camp is a terrible idea.  Many young folks have never been away from home before, they cling to what, and who, is familiar.  They want their  loved ones close by.   They rush to marry, then get to the fleet... and a whole new world opens.  That hometown sweetheart wife suddenly seems like a chain to the past.  The happens a hell of a lot during A school.  There is a reason most seasoned sailors say wait until after a deployment to marry.  It is not simply because it is a good idea to see how a couple weathers long separations, but that young sailors hit ports and want to sow their wild oats.  The spouses who stay behind often act no better, they get lonely and develop feelings for someone not their spouse.  

A lot of military marriages fail early on ... the Navy wants to help prevent this by providing guidance, by allowing the sailor to concentrate on their new career, to let them get acclimated to being a sailor before having to learn how to be a spouse too. 

My own personal view?  If there are children, or a baby coming, marry as soon as you can.  Otherwise, go by the rules and do not jeopardize your sailor's new Navy career.  All practical reasons.  I have learned that there is no reason to rush love, if it is there, it will be there later.  

Sometimes I wonder if being this honest is a good idea.  

I'm starting to feel that way too, Anti M. Lately I've been writing things on here and then looking back thinking "Seesh. When did I become that person that people hate to hear advice from?" Lol. 

The point about boot camp being an emotional pressure cooker is SO true. I've never heard of a couple that fell apart during boot camp. It's always this romantic time for a relationship with the hand written letters and the reunion at the end and the first time seeing them in uniform. And then comes A school and the fleet and that's when things fall apart. Our relationship had to go through such a big change to make it through those six months of A school, and we really had to learn how to communicate. I'm thankful we did wait to marry until after he was in for awhile because we're stronger for it. I see so many married couples now that don't know how to communicate or compromise or lead lives of their own while still maintaing a marriage and those are all things that we got to experience while we were a couple, but not living together/married. It's made our relationship SO much stronger while couples who marry together (especially a lot of the couples who meet in Boot camp and marry in A school) haven't built and end up divorced.

Thanks for being here!

I think this forum is so difficult because so many people have dreams, high hopes and expectations, and that clashes with harsh reality.  Even when I try to soften the news, online postings come across as harsh.  No one wants to hear "no" when they are in love.  The Navy is very good at "no, not that way".

I am glad you have stuck around, and the other handful of wives who have "made it".  We need a broad spectrum of those who are on this journey, especially those who made it through the more unique experiences.

I always wonder about some of the ladies who posted here, all full of hope, then had a little trouble, and never posted again.  Now and then someone sends me a private message with how well things have turned out, but they never come back to the group to lend support.  And it is rare that a woman whose Navy relationship fell apart comes back to share.  I can think of two over the last few years.  

Ah yes, meeting in boot camp and marrying in A school... I had an A school marriage.  Lasted less than a year once we moved in together.  Real life is not romantic at all.  Still ended up married to a sailor, just a much better one.

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